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my4beauties 
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 Topic: Should I let go?
Posted: 29 November 2010 at 2:24pm |
I'm feeling really, really exhausted right now, and most days I don't get to accomplished much housework wise. I'm just too tired to be bothered and I HATE doing it. I know it's MY family's mess but I wish someone else could come and clean it up for me.
Every morning I do the washing and the dishes and that takes quite a bit of time to do. I'll do a general tidy of toys around the living areas, and every few days will vacumn too. But then the rest of the house isn't tidied up, beds aren't made (I've never been one to worry about that), kids rooms aren't tidied. If I have someone coming over I'll do a better clean up with wiping coffee tables and making everything spotless, but I haven't been inviting people over lately cos I don't want to have to do that!
How do you all manage keeping your house tidy/clean? Or am I stressing about it for no reason. I hate living in untidyness, but am not in the mood to be tidying ALL day long when I'll have to do all over again the next day.
Also, I do get the kids to tidy their rooms, but most of the time it's an effort to get them to even do it, and they trash it all over again the next day.
Do I need to let go of caring about having tidy house? I feel SO much better when the house is clean and I more relaxed. Right now I'm angry at seeing the mess and I tend to get angry at the kids for making it so messy.
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) 
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EmDee
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 2:39pm |
Oh hun, I could have written your post! I hate being in an untidy house, but it feels like groundhog day everyday, doing the exact same thing again and again. I also hear you on getting angry at the kids, especially when you've just tidied something up and they make a mess again grr!
I've tried to figure out my priorities (re: housework) and if I can get the basics done that our family need i.e. dishes, laundry and general tidy then it's a good day! I then *try* and do at least 1 other thing each day i.e. vacuuming, clean the bathroom etc. With the kids I try and get them to put things away when they are finished as it is harder to get them to tidy up bigger messes especially Lilia! Otherwise I do try and let go a bit about other things that haven't been done because at the end of the day, there are more important things to get upset about.
Also are you able to get yourself checked out? Perhaps you've got low iron, B12 etc? Maybe you need some time out to yourself? Big hugs hun and don't be so hard on yourself 
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jazzy
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 2:40pm |
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I could of written this post...I am so struggling with the same thing...in fact I had a melt down over it in the weekend.
Why am I the only one that has to clean up & there is so much to do. It is easy to put things in cupboards or throw toys into barrels but when you are looking for things you have to pull everything out.
We have a sleep-out that we turn into the toy room in summer but now DH has claimed it for study so can not have the kids in there or all the toys. Toys are driving me nuts & I am going through them & putting away baby & other toys...getting ready for the xmas & b'days stash.
Where to start???? So I need a to do list & then do it. There is so much to do, sort toys, sort clothes, clean cupboards, pick up, put away & then the usual housework.
I am fed up & can't be bothered...tired of no one helping me but expecting things to be done...grrrrr
Let me know the secret...oh & all I have done today is made the beds, washing, folded washing, cleaned the kitchen, done baking, picked up toys, school & kindy drop....so everyday I get the same old things done but its the other things I need to do....
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BayGirl
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 2:54pm |
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Me too this could be me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a 4 month old and i find jsut keeping on top of things hard now. I get so frustrated when i spend all morning tidying the house and then it's messy again by that evening. I have given up to. Just do teh dishes and laundry. Vacume every other day, Big tidy once a week or if i am expecting visitors!!
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clover
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:01pm |
You've got 4 kids, I think having a spotless house is out of the question, that is if you want to have any time enjoying life.
As long as the house is clean, a bit of clutter and general untidyness doesn't matter.
Could R & G make their beds? At least pull the covers up? Maybe before breakfast they have to have done it? At 7 and 5 they should be able to put their toys away, put something back when they've finished playing with it etc, if you can get J into the same habit then that would go a long way to the tidyness I'd think.
Apart from that it sounds like you do the day to day stuff and then a whip around wiping surfaces etc every now and then should be all you need.
Try not get too bothered by it, they're kids, they make mess, part of the deal I guess  It is hard when you like things tidy and clean and it never stays that way!
P.S. clearly I don't have kids yet and you have 4 so I've no idea what it is like 
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my4beauties
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:08pm |
I've done this SAHM thing for 7 years now and I'm at an all time low with the work involved in caring for 4 children and the house.
Dh's answer to me being so tired is to go to bed earlier. I head to bed about 9pm most nights, but don't get to sleep til 9:30/10pm. Most nights I'm woken by mostly Ava, but sometimes it might be one of the other children. Then Ava is awake for the day about 5:30/6am. Way too early for my liking but it's been like this for months.
Jazzy, today I've done 2 loads of dishes and there is still another load to do (result of not keeping up with the dishes yesterday) and I've baked. Ava's not had long sleeps today so she takes up my time when she's awake. Haven't even done any washing since it rained this morning.
I do have AF at the moment and that tends to make me feel even more tired than I already am, but I have thought for ages now that I can't shake feeling tired all the time. I get a bit of 2nd wind in the early evening some days and then I want to tackle the whole house, but at that same time I've got to do dinner, bath the kids and then put them to bed which takes all evening then I just want to relax and unwind even though there's dishes to be done from dinner.
I hate this groundhog day thing with being a SAHM, well mostly, I hate the housework that goes with having a young family.
I just told R when we got home from school that after he'd had a snack, he had to clean up his room, and he got all angry over it and I hate how he reacts like that and I get all anxious over having to make him clean up his room.. he complains that the other kids messed it up so they should clean it. Gah, frustrating!
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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my4beauties
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:15pm |
Good advice clover. Dh always tells me I need routines and I guess I really need the kids to pull finger more! I do have a routine... but it doesn't involve getting the kids to do things at the same time everyday (i.e. making their beds in the morning, cleaning their rooms every afternoon).
But I will implement a chore list for the kids as I know it will help me out, and then hopefully things won't get on top of me.
I used to do a lot of chores as a kid (one of 4 children also) and I feel I've done things for the kids for too long and they are definitely old enough to be doing a lot more.
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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TheKelly
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:53pm |
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I do the places that will bother me, so I always do the dishes and have them put away, the washing jobs (cos well, we need to wear clothes ) and the lounge area.
Ty's room I will tidy but he rarely plays in there so he doesn't make much mess,and our room I will try and keep tidy because its the room that you can see from the drive ....
I also clean the bathroom and toilet, and by cleaning the bathroom I don't mean mopping every day, I just mean the benches are relatively clear.
BUT ,C's room,and the spare room where Dh has been sentenced to thats their problem if its messy, every so often I will tell C she has to tidy up and she does....takes her awhile, but it gets done.
When its not done, I just close the door on it
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TheKelly
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:56pm |
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Oh and C does the same thing as R when it comes to being asked to tidy her room,she complains like she is the most hard done by person and claims she didn't make the mess, OR she asks me to help , and I used to simply because I couldn't be bothered with the battle,but then I thought "no bugger off, I didn't get my own room til I was 18 and moved out , I would have LOVED my own room and she is lucky to have one,she can take responsibility for it "
So now,if she complains , I give her a choice ...either clean it up, or move in with her brother, or put all the toys that she clearly doesn't care about, into a rubbish bag so they can be given to kids that will actually appreciate them.
She always ends up cleaning her room
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RedHeadDuck
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:02pm |
*Cough*
IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO RIGHT NOW SANTA WON'T COME TO VISIT!!!!!!
Was a great bribe I've seen used a fair few times
Might at least give the kids a boost to clean their rooms
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Chickaboo
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:11pm |
Hun - I hear ya - although I have decided that I am not going to stress about it cause with 4 kids and working I just don't need the stress nor time to do it - on my days off I do the basics and feel if the lounge, kitchen and bathroom are tidy I am happy - I have nerver been (nor ever will be I am sure) a spotless person - my house is clean just untidy alot of the time - which means - ITS LIVED IN!
I do beleive I have seen something on facebook about it houses being a mess and being a prarent - its so true - will try and find it
My home is filled with toys, has fingerprints on everything & is never quiet. My hair is usually a mess & I'm always tired, but there is always love & laughter here. In 20 years my kids won't remember the house or my hair, but they will remember the time we spent together ...& the love we felt. Children only get one childhood...make it a good one! !
there was another too about people coming over...
The hardest thing I guess I have is my SIL is so spotless its embarrasing for me to not be as I know DH looks at her house and has commented - always stresses about our clutter after we have visited her - but she is hardly home and has one child (which she has shared custody of)
As long as your house is clean don't stress the mess - one day the kids would have all left home and you will have plenty of time to tidy the house - and I BET you will miss all that mess for the tiny lil people who made it 
Edited by Chickaboo
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caliandjack
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:21pm |
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Meh I only have one 5 week old baby and as long as I get the washing and the dishes done each day then that's enough.
The rest of the housework gets done when I can or Dh does the vaccumming and will dust as well.
Usually on the weekends.
I figure I've got enough to contend with looking after one baby.
With 4 children can the older ones tidy their own rooms?
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Princess_Bubs
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:37pm |
As my mum likes to say ..........
"Be clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be happy" 
I love this..................
"My home is filled with toys, has fingerprints on everything & is never quiet. My hair is usually a mess & I'm always tired, but there is always love & laughter here. In 20 years my kids won't remember the house or my hair, but they will remember the time we spent together ...& the love we felt. Children only get one childhood...make it a good one! !
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.Mel
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:41pm |
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I think during the week you have to let things go, well that's what I learnt.... I do however make sure that the kitchen is cleaned up before and after dinner... I do washing probably 3-4 times a week and the rest can wait until the weekend when DH is home and he can help me.
Kids cleaning the rooms in my house is a HUGE mission and I actually think that N has some kind of disorder when she just can't have her room tidy, it's a freaken mess and I keep her door shut because I just cant' bring myself to tackle it. The boys rooms are live-able and that's enough for me.
I like the idea of a chores list, kids empty their lunchboxes after school before afternoon tea, put their washing in the laundry basket, if they don't it doesn't get washed.
I probably only vacuum twice a week if that...!
I hate housework with a passion, and I do get really pissed off if I've cleaned up and the kids and DH make a mess behind me.. sometimes I do wonder why I even bother. Even going on strike doesn't work in my house anymore.
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amme_eilyk
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:58pm |
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My house is trashed at the moment and it drives me nuts as well, but finding the energy to clean it is a problem. What I have learnt is that doors are amazing things, you shut them and the mess just disappears (until you open them next that is). Try keeping the bathroom, toilet, kitchen and lounge clean and tidyish, it makes a big difference. And definitely cleaning up if possible straight afterwards, the kids are probably keener to help if they know they cant start the next thing until the last thing is tidy.
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my4beauties
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 5:11pm |
 TheKelly wrote:
So now,if she complains , I give her a choice ...either clean it up, or move in with her brother, or put all the toys that she clearly doesn't care about, into a rubbish bag so they can be given to kids that will actually appreciate them.
She always ends up cleaning her room |
I've said this to Rico before, and he always calls my bluff and goes and puts the toys in the rubbish!! And it's always the expensive toy too, or one he's been given by a grandparent, so I have to go and fish it out. If it wasn't meaningful, I'd quite happily let me just put it in the rubbish.
I had a housecleaner once a week for many years so the bathrooms/dusting/whole house vacumned would always get done, but I haven't had one in a few months now and I guess that 'once a week decent clean' isn't happening and I'm not liking it.
Since Ava's been crawling she picks up EVERY tiny piece of fluff/paper/crumb and so I have to vacumn about once a day. I don't mind if she picks up crumbs, but most of the time I don't know what she's got in her mouth as I wouldn't have seen what she picked up so I have to fish it out incase it's something she shouldn't be swallowing. So it's best i just vacumn to keep the floor clean. So hard when 3 other children are messing it up.
Dh doesn't do washing, R and him are so bad they take their clothes off in front of the laundry basket, and leave it on the floor! Grr so typically lazy and makes me mad! I would LOVE for my room to at least be kept clean, but Dh is messy person and it doesn't take long before he's messed it up again. 
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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linda
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 5:15pm |
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I also have four kids and have found the whole groundhog thing hard to handle but that is more so from doubling up with twins. I'm not good at cleaning and tidying but then feel stressed and disorganised when the house is a mess.
I use a drying rather than hanging washing up
Tried to fold it but if I don't I just get clothes from the pile
Clean the bathroom weekly
Clean other rooms in the house when it really needs it or I have a burst of energy
I don't get visitors who drop by and luckily my family are far away enough that they will call to make sure we are home. Gives me time to clean the house before they arrive. I also like to clean when DH is looking after the kids...I use it as me time and like that I can just focus on cleaning rather cleaning with the interruptions of the kids.
DH knows that it is hard work with the four kids so he does help out where he can and if we have friends come around for dinner we both work together to get the house tidy!
But the toys are what get to me. We have a toy room but they always make there way into the lounge so I just scope them all up and throw them in the toy room.
Was very cute on Sunday morning - came downstairs and DS7 and DS5 were tidying and vacuuming the lounge and toy room.
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kebakat
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 5:41pm |
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Tell your DH not to be a lazy child! I refuse to washclothing which is not put in the washing basket. If DH doesn't put his clothes in there they stay dirty
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MummyFreckle
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 5:43pm |
my4beauties wrote:
TheKelly wrote:
So now,if she complains , I give her a choice ...either clean it up, or move in with her brother, or put all the toys that she clearly doesn't care about, into a rubbish bag so they can be given to kids that will actually appreciate them.
She always ends up cleaning her room |
I've said this to Rico before, and he always calls my bluff and goes and puts the toys in the rubbish!! And it's always the expensive toy too, or one he's been given by a grandparent, so I have to go and fish it out. If it wasn't meaningful, I'd quite happily let me just put it in the rubbish.
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I would stick them in a black bin bag and lock them away in the garage / shed. He will only call your bluff for so long before he realises that he doesnt have anything cool to play with anymore!
I have to confess I get frustrated with DH coming home from work and dumping stuff on the bench, table, bed.....it drives me nuts! But I cant complain about housework, as I am really really really lucky to have a cleaning lady that comes once a week and she does a wonderful job...even helping with my washing! I struggle at the moment to stretch up and reach the washing line, so often leave the washing for DH to get in on an evening. Apart from emptying the dishwasher when i ask him to, he doesnt do anything else around the house though.
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my4beauties
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Posted: 29 November 2010 at 6:55pm |
Dh cooks mostly on the weekends, and if he's not too busy with work and is home early enough or been at home doing work through the day then he cooks. I would say I do 70% of the cooking (at the moment, less than that when he hasn't got much work on) but other than cooking and helping with the kids, he doesn't do the housework. Maybe once on the weekend he'll do the dishes.
But cooking dinner is such a minute part of the daily chores. If he cooks, I'm bringing washing in/folding washing, bathing the kids, feeding Ava. And I always have to do the dishes. If I cook he might be looking after the kids which is a big help in keeping them out from under my feet, but then I still do the dishes, washing etc.
When I had a housecleaner once a week, i didn't notice what Dh did to help, but now I don't have one I'm noticing the lack of help. I don't expect help when he's full on with work, but I'm starting to think that maybe on the weekend he needs to help more especially with cleaning bathrooms, vacumning.
I actually feel 100 times better for starting this thread, and hearing back from you guys - your tips and pointers and that you feel the same. I've done a big clean up this afternoon, and feel more in control!
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5)
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Should I let go?
