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MissAngel 
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Location: Rangiora
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 Topic: When a great grand grandmother dies...
Posted: 20 May 2011 at 8:58pm |
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What the hell do you tell your 3 year old that absolutely adores the you know what out of her?!?!?!
Nanna is going to die overnight. I've just been told by the hospital that her heart will go in the next few hours most likely due to acute pnuemonia. Now, i'm okay, no worries there - this has been a long time coming and it's what she wants. She's been ill for 16 years as a stroke survivor.
I just dont know what to do, we see her several times a week. Help!
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Alex, Thomas and Lily 
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CrazyCass
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Posted: 20 May 2011 at 9:19pm |
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I Have no idea on this sorry - I was a teen when any of our grandparents passed away.
Big hugs - and So you know my parents have always been honest with me about what is going on, I didnt fully understand (when family friends died) but there was never any attempt to cover the truth
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MissAngel
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Posted: 20 May 2011 at 9:21pm |
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Yea its a hard one. I cant just say to him 'oh, Nanny has gone to Heaven.' because he'll think that she's gone on holiday like going to Australia (which is how he views things when people go away.. its always Australia? lol). So I dunno.. completely stumped.
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Alex, Thomas and Lily
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zoeymil
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Posted: 20 May 2011 at 10:09pm |
Oh.. i have just gone through this whole expierance just last week  It was really sad and a shock as my Grandma had been so well. I let my DD see that i was very sad and told her that 'Grandma was sick and was going to die" I took her to see grandma quite a few times once she passed away as she came home which was good and on the day of the funeral explained that we would never see grandma again.
Today we went to visit my Grandad and DD said " Grandma died" . I was completely honest and open with her. It just so hard to know what to do and say........but i think being honest is best.
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Emmi_
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Posted: 21 May 2011 at 4:44pm |
Sorry Alex 
Im not in your situation (although its very likely I will be in a couple of years) but I would do what Zoeymil suggested, explain everything as honestly as you can on a level that he understands and go from there. I think seeing her will help him understand shes sick and when she passes what shes like now
Big hugs tho, it cant be easy
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E&L+1
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Posted: 21 May 2011 at 6:17pm |
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I was 4 when my Nana passed. She had been sick for a long time and was living with us. She died in her sleep and my brother and I went into wake her up. I don't remember what Mum said to us but we went to her funeral and Mum said that even though I was really sick that day I went and put a flower on her coffin. It was something I insistant on apparently.
IMO Being honest about what happened is the best thing in the long run as it avoids misunderstanding as they get older, even if the child is a bit young to truely comprehend.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 21 May 2011 at 7:09pm |
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yep be honest. you dont have to go into great details about things, but the truth is best. My boys were 3 and 5 when their grandmother died and they came to the funeral and they even came to the funeral parlour and saw her in the coffin. I never made them do anything they werent comfortable with though. they wrote her stories and gabriel put his in the coffin with Nana. We talked about how her body died because it was sick and tired and how Nana had done lots of things in her life. and even though we missed her lots that was okay and it was okay to be sad too.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 21 May 2011 at 7:19pm |
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yep be honest. you dont have to go into great details about things, but the truth is best. My boys were 3 and 5 when their grandmother died and they came to the funeral and they even came to the funeral parlour and saw her in the coffin. I never made them do anything they werent comfortable with though. they wrote her stories and gabriel put his in the coffin with Nana. We talked about how her body died because it was sick and tired and how Nana had done lots of things in her life. and even though we missed her lots that was okay and it was okay to be sad too.
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MissAngel
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Posted: 24 May 2011 at 11:00pm |
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Well Nanna died this evening, so tomorrow i'm going to have to try and explain to Thomas what's happened. He's been asking every day to go see his Nanny, but apparently she looked quite terrible, so Mum advised me not to take him. I didnt get to see her either, but i did see her last weds when she was well and happy so that's alright :D
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Alex, Thomas and Lily
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Mrs_R
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 11:56am |
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Sorry for your loss MissAngel - this advice might come a bit late, but might still help.
I was in the same situation as you late last year - I ended up being really frank with DS1 who was 3 at the time - I think it was harder for me than for him (especially seeing I was still processing her death). I just said that G-Nan had died because she was very old and her body stopped working and that meant we wouldn't be able to see her anymore - that she was gone. I just said that I felt very sad about that and it was okay if he felt sad too. It seems a bit brutal being so upfront about it all, but making it very concrete made it easier for him to understand.
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High9
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Posted: 27 May 2011 at 8:49am |
I was 2.5 when my great gran passed and I remember EVERYTHING. I remember going to see her in hospital, feeding her etc. When she died I *knew* something wasn't right and I remember my granddad telling me we wouldn't be seeing her again. I remember them lifting me over her coffin to give her a kiss and her feeling so cold and knowing it wasn't *right*. I think being honest is good, explain that she is gone and wont be coming back, maybe you could find a book (I'm sure there are a few kids books on it.)
I was very close with my great gran and was there when she had her heart attack right in front of me, etc. So I guess I always knew something wasn't right but my parents never said she'd gone on holiday or anything though you could say that I suppose?
It's a hard one and I'm sorry this is happening! It's never easy!
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When a great grand grandmother dies...
