Relationship advice please

Hmm have you thought about talking to your midwife or doctor about how you are feeling? It might be PND in some form...or maybe you are scared of getting intimate so somewhere deep in your subconsious you figure if you are meanie to DP you won't have to get intimate...still probably worth talking to someone about it as you don't want to drag it out and then get even more scared of it...then it becomes a cycle ya know!!

I think a little bit of crazy emotions is pretty normal when baby is still new and you are getting used to the new life but if you are getting worried then it is worthwhile getting some help.

PS we didn't get intimate for AGES hehe, and I had a c sect....it is a scary thought for some reason so don't think you are strange!

I still get worried everytime we get intimate! I had stitches too and while yeah it does sorta hurt and feel tight down there, it isn't that bad once you get going! Iygwim... Probably tmi. Also some lube can uhh help it feel better too.

I didn't get stretchmarks until about the last month maybe and while I am back to pre preg my tummy is squishy instead of firm like it used to be, I look at dd and see it as my battle scars, it's what I went through to have her! DP doesn't care about them, he admires me for them.

I used to get angry at first when dp would touch me, and it would really piss me off, to the point where I would wait until he had gone to bed to come to bed, etc. And I get the whole angry thing... I find it's really bad when dd is asleep. When she's up I am fine!

I agree with Tali, it could be some form of PND... Have a chat to your doctor, I assume you are finished with your mw, or have a chat to your Plunket Nurse. For me it was a matter of having a chat to dp so he could know how I was feeling etc and coming to a compromise about getting intimate and how often etc.

I thought pregnancy was the most amazing thing, and giving birth, but when you think about it, it is quite a lot to go through in a very short amount of time. I remember after I gave birth looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a saggy belly (hello I had popped a baby out less than an hour ago! What did I expect it to look like?!) and feel rather down, scared and alone...
You just need to let your dp know how you are feeling about everything, I am sure he will feel better for knowing and be very understanding!

Also it can take a while for your hormones to settle after birth, I read somewhere that you get enough hormones while pregnant to last something like 40 years worth of periods and it can take a few months for things to settle down.

ETA: Accidentally wrote pregnancies instead of periods!

Edited by nkap9

Go talk to your doctor about what is going on but also know that sometimes you just feel low. Your've got so many hormones going through you and everything has changed with your life/relationship. Your probably pretty tired too and I read somewhere there at 6-8 weeks you can hit a bit of a wall!

I have found vitamin B6 (usually used for PMS symptoms) really great for my moods. I can be a bit up and down even now and DH copes most of the ride unfortunatly but B6 seems to help.

With the sex, well wait until you are ready but also know that you wont know what it feels like till u try it. sure it might be a litle uncomfy but hopefully it wont be too sore. I agree use lots of lube and u be on top

I agree with the ladies re: PND, it would definately be worth having a chat to someone JIC.

 

It is only natural to feel the way you are, you have been through a lot in a very short period of time and you are allowed to feel this way.

My advice re: intimacy. I was dreading it to start with, like you I had a ventouse delivery and ended up with a heck of a lot of stitches, but my MW said to me, it is really all in your mind, if you allow yourself to get anxious you will feel physical pain, and she was right. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I expected (6 weeks post birth) and got better and better each time.

It is unfortunate that our other halfs cop all the emotions we feel, but it is often because we love them and are secure with them that we feel comfortable enough to dish it out to them. It sounds like your DP is very supportive, but you probably really need to have a good chat to him so he truly understands how you feel

Awww chicky, what you are feeling is really very normal and I'm sure if you explain to your DP how you are feeling (and that a bunch of random mums have confirmed its normal and will pass) then if he is a good guy he'll understand.

You really need to take care of yourself in these early days, take a good multi vitamin, make sure you have eating well and drinking lots of water and accept that the hormones that surged through your body during pregnancy are now leaving you and you will feel like a emotional yo yo!!!!!!

Try not to focus on the negative ways your body has changed, if you eat well and get regular gentle exercise then your shape will adjust over time. Stretch marks are badges of honour, you earnt them bringing a new life into the world and take it from someone who's had them since being a teenager whose boobies grew very fast they do fade and become silvery and not nearly so noticible. Vitimin E oil is really good for helping the skin heal and reducing scarring - it might help??

Also it takes a lot of time to adjust to being responsible for another human being and an exceptionally demanding one at that! I understand the angry feelings when DP tries to take more from you, when you feel all you do minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, is give give give and there is he wanting more from you.

Its a massive massive adjustment both emotionally and physically and its going to take a bit of time xxx

If you feel things are getting out of control then maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Plunket / your GP??

Thanks everyone, i talked to him last night and it really helped and he understood Im feeling alot better today so hopefully it stays that way

Yay, that is good news. Sometimes you just need to get it out ay.