Past termination&feelings this pregnancy

Yup, I had a termination a few years back before having yet another unplanned pregnancy this year. The second one ended in miscarriage at 13 weeks just a few weeks ago.

There have been times where mind has wandered down the path of wondering if the miscarriage was punishment for abortion but those were only in my darkest, darkest hours.

To be honest I've always been strongly pro-choice so never really struggled with the ins and outs of my decision to terminate or try to keep the second baby. Both were right for me at the time (even if the second didn't turn out the way I wanted it to)

However it sounds like you aren't really at peace with your decision to terminate. I don't think anything I can do or say can get you to that place. But perhaps instead of looking at the loss, you can look forward to gain a happy healthy baby.

Well it seems at times I've come to terms with it, but at other times I just have guilt and sadness over it.

I guess it is due to formally, before having the termination being so against it. It was a real struggle to come to the decision to have a termination. But I did it as soon as I got the approval from the doctors, so that way I didn't have to be distraught over what decision to make. I did it really early in the pregnancy too(about 5 wks 3 days), which apparently is better for the body.

I guess it doesn't really help when you are having to make the decision almost on your own and some people in your life at the time are judgemental about the decision.

I mean I do know it really was the right decision for me at the time too. And I know my reasons for terminating were good reasons and it was for the best.

I think the times when I know it is getting to me is at times in this pregnancy where I've thought, no I can't handle a baby, even though I really wanted one. Then I get over that thought and I'm happy to have a baby on the way. I think that whole freaking out process is pretty normal in everyones pregnancy, planned or unplanned.

mrsg1-Good luck with making a baby. And oh, it looks like today is a good day for it

I did too, 14 years ago. I burst into tears when I had to tell the midwife that it wasn't my first prgnancy. I think i'll probably feel guilty for it for the rest of my life. I too was against abortion until it happened to me. I'm 35 weeks pregnant now, and all the checks so far have been fine, but I fully expected something to be or go wrong as punishment too. Hopefully this wee one will help me to heal. I hope this happens for you too! x

I haven't been in your situation but just thought I'd say i don't think what you did is selfish, quite the opposite in fact. You knew it wasn't the right time for a baby and that was obviously hard for you but it was a lot more responsible than having a baby you couldn't look after (which we see way too much in this country). As much as it does suck about women not being able to have a baby anything you do isn't going to change that. Yay almost half way there

GonnaBeAMum

And that must've been so hard having a termination so late. I know my friend who had one at that late found it harder too.

Though at any stage, it is a hard decision and it is hard going through that and the feelings that come up before the decision, after the decision and procedure and in the future.

It sucks too when family members or anyone for that matter is pressuring you to make that decision. I was at the time in a position where I had no support at all and couldn't go through with the pregnancy with zero support. As I had to do it solo with my daughter, and had almost no support there and that was very hard and stressful bringing her up solo and I knew I just didn't have the strength in me to do it solo again.

I think I will always regret my decision. But at the end of the day, you can't take it back and you know, I think that is one of the harder things, knowing you can't do it over and make a different decision if you could go back in time. It sucks though, as I know it was the right decision at the time and I did consider it thoroughly before I chose to go through with it.

It does help me though, having a best friend who has also gone through the same thing, as we can talk openly and honestly about our feelings and know that we both get each other in regards to our decision.

Happy to see you have baby on the way. You must be due in Feb 2010 like me.

You'd be surprised at the amount of women who have had a termination, its not something that's openly discussed, mostly cause of other peoples reactions I think.

Oh Tania, that is such a sweet thing to do, writing the letter

I don't know when the baby I terminated would've been due. As I felt if I knew those facts, I would really struggle with what I'd done even more and that it would eat me up inside and make me very, very depressed.

I got majorly depressed at the start of this year when we started TTC. I got depressed when I thought my period was a day late and thought about getting a positive result on the pregnancy test. I kept thinking back to when I got pregnant with the baby I terminated and how I reacted to the positive result and I just broke down and cried and got very, very depressed.

Turned out my period didn't come late, I just didn't know how long my cycle was.

So I decided at that point not to try that month and had the doctor put me on anti-depressants.

It sucks when you suffer from depression, as things like that just bring back the depression.

Strangely enough I haven't been depressed during this pregnancy. I have felt a bit down at times, but that is just the hormones, so that's ok.

I think the thing to also realise is that despite all the good stuff, pregnancy is still really tough for some women. You get tired and pukey. You are hormornal. If you don't feel supported and aren't happy about being pregnant then it would be a nightmare to be forced into a position where you had to keep the pregnancy.

Also in NZ, almost 50% of terminations are actually from women who already have children which I found fascinating as we often think of abortion being purely the domain of the young careless women.

Iam some what in the same situation. This pregnancy is not my first, ive had one before that i wanted but was forced into getting a termination, but the day before it happened i had a miscarriage. I don't really think about it with this pregnancy, but this one i didn't want at all but i had no idea i was pregnant and by the time i found out it was too late i felt to do anything about it. It was really hard working through the fact that i didn't want this baby, and even though now im really excited and have fallen in love with this lil guy, i still find it hard with battling my feelings. i think, sh*t how am i going to cope with a baby? my life is never going to be the same, i won't be able to do anything i wanted to etc.. but maybe your right, maybe that is just normal thoughts of pregnancy, especially unplanned. I know that when this lil guy comes out i'll love him more than anything in the world, he will be my world, but i also know i'll miss my life - alot.