alcoholics

aw hun what a tough situation! don't have any advice but didnt wana read and run

Hugs to you lizzle!

I have some experience in this area, and the very first thing I would suggest to you is to attend a local Al-anon meeting. It's probably the last thing you want to do - but it is the very best thing you can do. First of all they will give you some information to read that will help you tremendously, and secondly, they'll be a support to you.

When it comes to alcoholism, there are two truths about those we love who are an alcoholic.

First of all - it often takes them to hit bottom before they decide enough is enough and reach for help. Rock bottom is different for everyone - but for alcoholics it's usually way worse than what you and I would put up with. They often lose their health, lose their family and lose a whole lot of other things before they decide it's enough. If you or your step-mother spend your life protecting your father from the consequences of his drinking.... he will never experience them and therefore, have no reason to change.

Second truth is this. Every alcoholic, once he's decided it's enough - usually has someone in their life they can go to, to assist them in getting help. But this doesn't mean you are responsible.

All you can do is having a conversation with him about how his drinking is affecting you, him and those people around him - and the consequences of his drinking. I'd encourage you to have literature ready, eg. a pamphlet for AA or CADS and tell him that if he decides that he'd like to change and give up the drinking, you will support him and help him to get help if he wants it.

That's all you can do. The rest is up to him. In the meantime, it's terribly important that you get more information and support for yourself because that helps you and him at the same time, trust me!

Al-anon has a website in NZ: http://www.al-anon.org.nz/

aww hun i feel your pain my dad is a alchola aswell will write more tomorrow big hugs

My ex was an alcoholic but I didnt face up to it till we broke up, although not to the same extent as your father, so I dont actually have any experience in this. Both my parents have worked in the alcohol and drug field for about 10 years. From what I know (from what my parents said) I would recommend trying to sit down with him and have a proper conversation with him about the drinking, how its affecting him and you. He may not want to listen and will probably deny it, although if he knows his wife has walked out on him, and then hearing ti from you it may help.
If he is willing to attend a program I can recommend the salvation army bridge programmes, they have high success rates and are very supportive.
Sometimes it takes them losing everything to be willing to change. Hopefully he listens to you and good luck.

Edited by melissag

I feel you here.
My mum is a recovering alcoholic. She would drink a cask of wine every day and would get in such revolting states. In the end after many trips to the hospital/police station etc I had to put my foot down and tell her that if she didnt sort her sh*t out, she was never going to see her grandchild (was preg with #1) Luckly - and i dont know if it was lucky or not - she ended up in hospital after one too many drunken episodes so I took her back to my house and didnt let her leave. 2.5 years later, both her and her partner are still living with us, are booze free and doing really well.
I hope you get things sorted with your Dad.

CADS are really good for info too and can put you in touch with groups for loved ones of alcoholics for support and advice. Go to the professionals but as above being straight up about it with him is better for him and you than pretending its all ok.

So we sat and had a heart to heart last night. I told me I was concerned about his health and his drinking. he admitted he drinks too much. He said he does it cause he's bored - out of habit I guess. Then he drunk eight bottle sof beer and right noiw...is at the pub - he's already had two bottle of beer earlier. I don't know. I rang DH last night and feel a lot more supported, espoecially reading some replies here too. But when we get back home I might get in touch with some of those places.

Also talked to my step-sister and she was fanatstic.

Hi Lizzle, want to send BIG hugs your way. Alcohol is probably the most damaging substance addiction a loved one can have. It is legal, it is socially sanctioned, and it is everywhere.

I work as an A&D counsellor (on maternity leave at the moment obviously!). Newlywed has made some excellent points- it is much better, even though it may hurt the person involved, to keep being honest about how their behaviour is affecting you, and to resist temptation to enable or rescue. It's good that your father has verbalised that he drinks too much but it sounds like he is not ready to address it yet, based on his actions after your talk. Being "bored" is never a reason for substance dependence. His choice to drink is probably a coping mechanism for a number of issues. Above all remember that although he is your father, you cannot be fully responsible for his choices. People who use become really competent at justifying any and every reason to do so.

I am really mindful of not dishing out advice when it's not my place to! CADS is an excellent place to start, they do individual and group therapy at nights. AA also does support groups for people in your situation (dealing with a loved one with addiction). Because your father is working I would guess a residential programme is not an option, although the Salvation Army bridge programme is the shortest one (two months). Lifeline is also a good option if you wanted to talk to someone for yourself.

All the best x.