OHbaby! Forums : Would you report your friend? https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Tue, 07 Apr 2026 01:01:25 +0000 Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:16:16 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 11.10 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=41394 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Hope it all works out - I would...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1426221&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1426221 Author: Aroha11
Subject: 41394
Posted: 28 January 2012 at 12:16pm

Hope it all works out - I would like to say thank you to you for keeping an eye out for the baby and Sarah you seem like an amazing friend and that you and Sarah have a great friendship that you can discuss the situation together.

We do need more people out in the community keeping an eye on the children and others who are in difficult situations. ]]> Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:16:16 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1426221&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1426221 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : wow you are an amazing, amazing...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1426219&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1426219 Author: _Soda_
Subject: 41394
Posted: 28 January 2012 at 12:12pm

wow you are an amazing, amazing friend for being so upfront with them, and its great your friend does understand- although its awful for her, but by being so honest and putting the child first, im sure she knows you will support her in doing whats best for baby. i think you are totally doing the right thing hun too many people turn a blind eye when things like this happens, its so nice to know there are people out there who are advocates for our children and not afraid to speak up. ]]> Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:12:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1426219&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1426219 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : KirstyO wrote:What a tough...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425964&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425964 Author: EmDee
Subject: 41394
Posted: 27 January 2012 at 9:16am

Originally posted by KirstyO KirstyO wrote:

What a tough situation.  Argh.



Agreed! Very tough situation, but I think you are handling it really well by talking to them, letting them know what you plan to do and that you will be keeping an eye on them.]]> Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:16:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425964&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425964 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Thanks Jazzy, and everyone...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425962&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425962 Author: KirstyO
Subject: 41394
Posted: 27 January 2012 at 9:14am

Thanks Jazzy, and everyone else, for the support

 

]]> Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:14:18 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425962&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425962 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Kirsty I think you have done a...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425959&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425959 Author: jazzy
Subject: 41394
Posted: 27 January 2012 at 9:08am

Kirsty I think you have done a fantastic job by getting involved & telling them you are going to do what is best for the baby.

I can understand her concern about having the authorities involved but if the father is not coping & taking it out on he baby then they really do need outside help.

Its a tough situation for all to be in but that baby is the number one concern.

Too many people would look away & not get involved & because you did the situation may be a lot different now...always go with your gut feeling. ]]> Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:08:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425959&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425959 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Thanks everyone for your thoughts,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425879&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425879 Author: KirstyO
Subject: 41394
Posted: 26 January 2012 at 9:15pm

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, its really good reading different viewpoints and opinions. 

I talked with Sarah - she is devastated and feels like she has to choose between 2 people she loves.  But she wants to give him a chance and is hoping the am classes and upcoming parenting course will help him.  We talked about letting CYFs know of our concerns and that they would likely help them in their parenting.  But she is really struggling with 'getting him in trouble' and 'being in the CYFs system' as she believes he wont do it again and is working toward being a better Dad.

I really think that their 4 month old needs to be protected tho.  She can't protect herself.  So I'm gonna hold off for now, but keep a close eye on them.  And Sarah knows I'll be 'spying' and is happy with that.  She agreed that if anything happens again we'll let someone know.

What a tough situation.  Argh.

]]> Thu, 26 Jan 2012 21:15:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425879&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425879 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : jazzy wrote:Firstly why is...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425865&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425865 Author: KirstyO
Subject: 41394
Posted: 26 January 2012 at 8:59pm

Originally posted by jazzy jazzy wrote:

Firstly why is Paul going to anger management classes?
Does he beat Sarah?

Secondly was it a tap or a smack & what part of the body was it on & was it on bare skin? Not in anyway saying it is acceptable but want to know more before I put my option in.

Hi Jazzy

Paul doesn't hit Sarah, but hes come close to it a few times.  Small things set him off easily and Sarah was concerned about it, now that they have baby.  So Sarah asked him to go & he agreed.

It was an open-handed smack on baby's thigh - she was sitting in her car capsule at the time.  It was bare skin and was a bit red afterwards.

 

]]> Thu, 26 Jan 2012 20:59:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425865&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425865 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : I would report it and the reality...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425199&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425199 Author: fattykat
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 3:54pm

I would report it and the reality is you will probably lose your friendship but if something more happened how would you feel.
Its a awful situation to be put in but smacking a 4 month of baby is not on. Babies cry, its what they do sometimes and as a father he needs to be able to accept this without anger.]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:54:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425199&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425199 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Oh wow, sorry you&#039;ve been...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425196&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425196 Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 3:47pm

Oh wow, sorry you've been put in this situation.

It depends on who my friendship was with, and how close we were but I'm pretty sure I would react more then asking if he hit the baby. There would be a few expletives. Have you seen bruising on the baby? Does the baby act scared/nervous or confused round her father? If so then he's done it before, and to fob it off like that I'm sorry but really?

I would report it that is innocence in a package there and no child should grow up knowing violence. Hitting a four month old is SO different to a smack to a toddler that just won't listen or flicking a han that won't stop touching. While these aren't ideal ways to drill in appropriate behaviours hitting a baby who knows no better is unacceptable!

My partner gets angry, sometimes at me but would never dream of hitting us and knows the minute he does his whole family would know and that would be it. I don't accept violence and there are better ways to get that anger/frustration/tension out. Go buy a boxing bag and gloves!

New Zealand needs to start looking out for the children it's disgusting the amount of children abused!

Eta: that yes you could potentially lose a friendship but if they can't understand why you reported it then it says alot. And it may turn out for the best. I'm Pretty sure cyfs will come round to do an interview with them and if they fel the child's not at risk then that willbe it if they think that the child is at a slight risk they may help action things for the couple and if there are bigger concerns they may ask the father to move out. If there is obvious signs then that is she baby will be removed. She might be asked if she feels capable of handling the situation. Do you see signs of abuse in her?

Good luck whatever you decide

Edited by HoneybunsMa]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:47:46 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425196&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425196 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : I agree report it, the child is...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425173&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425173 Author: LJsmum
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 2:08pm

I agree report it, the child is only 4 months old.So little and vunerable.

What will he do when the child is 18 months or 2 years old and starts exploring and testing the boundaries as every child does and should.Can the dad cope with that???

If a person believes in smacking they will keep smacking because they think there is nothing wrong with it.They think it is o.k and the right thing to do. He gave you a reason for smacking the child " she was crying too much". That is not a reason there is no reason for smacking. His answer sets off alarm bells.

He needs help now before it's too late. ACT. I would, this is a child a helpless child not a adult who can fight back.



Edited by LJsmum]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:08:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425173&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425173 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : who are you looking at reporting...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425159&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425159 Author: notenufchaos
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 12:54pm

who are you looking at reporting it too? assaulting a child especially such a young child is serious, and im pretty sure if you reported it to CYFS then they will report it to the police and vice versa, personally i would report it as if he hits a four month old child in the presence of someone else then what on earth happens to that poor child when noone else is around, could you live with yourself if you didnt report it and then something happened to the child?

while i applaud them getting help why are they getting the help? If they sought the help themselves then likely they will get more out of it however if they are being told to get it then they may just be paying lip service and it may not change a thing.



]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:54:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425159&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425159 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Yes I def would, doesn&#039;t...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425150&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425150 Author: Red
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 12:15pm

Yes I def would, doesn't matter what the circumstances are it is just not on!]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:15:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425150&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425150 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Do you think that you should talk...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425051&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425051 Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 8:31am

Do you think that you should talk to her first, say that I am going to report this and why, tell her it's to get the support she needs to look after the welfare of their baby? Let her know it's nothing against her parenting but more for the concern of getting her partner help? I would be more upset if something like that happened behind my back from a friend.

Thing is though that they are doing a parenting course, so they are being proactive but I think it's about keeping an eye on them and getting them support rather than dobbing him in.

You're in a damn it you do, damned if you don't situation really. ]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:31:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425051&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425051 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Very tough call as others have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425047&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425047 Author: Aroha11
Subject: 41394
Posted: 24 January 2012 at 8:15am

Very tough call as others have said you may end up losing a friend if you report it but then if things got really bad something might happen to the baby.

I would like to say I would report it, if you do report it I hope your friend understands why you did it.

I do hope that it isn't serious and just a blip and you happened to be there to witness it.

It is all about what might happen and that you might at the moment be in the position to stop something serious happening to the baby.

I hope everything works out for your friends and their baby.]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:15:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1425047&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1425047 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : If she was horrified this would...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424987&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424987 Author: jaz
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 8:22pm

If she was horrified this would indicate that it is a first either that it happened or that she found out it happened and she is sufficiently concerned enough not to leave the baby alone with him again. He is doing anger management classes which will teach him some techniques. So will the parenting course once they get onto that.

I would be inclined to offer her/them support so that if things got worse she knows she can turn to someone for help/advise. It's a tough call though. ]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:22:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424987&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424987 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Gosh that&#039;s super tough....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424964&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424964 Author: mummymonster
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 7:16pm

Gosh that's super tough. You could loose a friend over nothing, or you could be saving a child from abuse.
Sorry, no help.

Maybe make some excuses to hang around with them a bit more?

Go with your gut.]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:16:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424964&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424964 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Wow, what a tough one. Good on...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424960&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424960 Author: clover
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 7:09pm

Wow, what a tough one. Good on you for speaking to them,

I agree with caliandjack, I think you should report it because it is these kinds of abuse against the helpless that escalates into serious abuse and the child becoming another statistic. I imagine it would be the end of your friendship though.]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:09:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424960&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424960 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : What an swful position to be in. I...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424941&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424941 Author: pikelets
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 6:05pm

What an swful position to be in.

I agree with M2K and caliandjack.

I think it is great you spoke to them, really brave. And
I totally understand how awful it is being sleep deprived, but hitting a 4 month old baby?? That is just not ok.

Plus he must have some history if he is going to anger management classes. And the fact she thinks he has done it before and won't leave him alone with the baby, says it all to me.   He/they obviously need help and are getting some but in the meantime...?

If it was me, I would be speaking up for the baby and saying something.

Good luck with your decision.



]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:05:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424941&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424941 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Tough situation, again - good...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424898&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424898 Author: Isabella
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 3:47pm

Tough situation, again - good on you for saying something to them both! We all do need to stick up for those who cant speak for themselves... But I know when I was in the sleep deprived state and DD just would NOT stop crying no matter what I did - I thought to myself, I dont agree with it (AT ALL), but part of me understands how people can get to breaking point... Again, not condoning the behaviour whatsoever, but maybe they need help in many different ways xxx ]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:47:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424898&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424898 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : You can call the family violence...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424896&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424896 Author: caliandjack
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 3:45pm

You can call the family violence number annonymously if you prefer. That way they get the help they need.

Please please speak up letting this slide is why NZ has such terrible child abuse]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:45:31 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424896&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424896 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : I would definately say something,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424895&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424895 Author: M2K
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 3:35pm

I would definately say something, I would be alarmed by someone smacking a 4month old baby for crying as thats just what they do. If it's not dealt with now, then who knows what could happen when this child is older and starts throwing the infamous toddler tantrums.

Your friend obviously knows he has anger problems and is attempting to address the problem (as he is too which is a good thing. It must be awful not be able to leave your child with your partner in fear of what could happen.

Good on you for saying something to them both ]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:35:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424895&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424895 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Mmm tough situation. Firstly,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424892&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424892 Author: EmDee
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 3:21pm

Mmm tough situation. Firstly, good on you for saying something to each of them and not just turning a blind eye.

I agree though that you are in the best situation to judge as you know them - go with your instinct.

Best of luck ]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:21:55 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424892&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424892 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Firstly why is Paul going to anger...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424885&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424885 Author: jazzy
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 2:58pm

Firstly why is Paul going to anger management classes?
Does he beat Sarah?

Secondly was it a tap or a smack & what part of the body was it on & was it on bare skin? Not in anyway saying it is acceptable but want to know more before I put my option in.

Edited by jazzy]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:58:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424885&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424885 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Would I report my friend? 100%,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424875&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424875 Author: Hopes
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 2:34pm

Would I report my friend? 100%, without thinking twice, if I was worried about the baby. Whether I'd be worried about the baby in this instance, I'm not 100% sure. What's your gut instinct on it?]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:34:51 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424875&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424875 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : For me it would depend on what...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424872&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424872 Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 2:28pm

For me it would depend on what Paul was like as a person. Is he an outwardly aggressive/angry person who can't control himself or did he show genuine remorse when you spoke him? I think you'll know in yourself if you feel as if they can handle the situation themselves or if you think it's going to escalate and become unmanageable. If it's the latter I would consider telling someone.]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:28:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424872&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424872 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : Oooh that&#039;s a really hard...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424860&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424860 Author: mrsmum
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 1:53pm

Oooh that's a really hard one. I would be tempted to, especially if the man has a anger problem - it might shuffle them up the queue for the councelling quicker.]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:53:44 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424860&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424860 <![CDATA[Would you report your friend? : I&#039;m in a dilemma and...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424858&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424858 Author: KirstyO
Subject: 41394
Posted: 23 January 2012 at 1:39pm

I'm in a dilemma and would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

I have some good friends who had a wee girl 4 months ago.  (To make it easier to explain, I'll call them Sarah and Paul)  Last week I was at their place and I saw Paul smack their baby when she was crying.  It wasn't ultra-hard or anything, but it made Baby cry much harder.  Sarah was having a quick shower so Paul was left holding the baby & I guess he wasn't coping.  He didn't know I was watching.  I went to him and asked "Did you just smack baby?" and he replied "Yeah, she wouldn't stop crying."  The way he said it, he really seemed to believe that it was ok to smack her?!

I talked to him about it a bit later and he knows he has an anger problem.  He's currently going to anger management classes (just started).  They're also on a waiting list to do a parenting course soon.

When I talked to Sarah, she was horrified.  She's obviously angry at Paul and has decided to not leave Paul alone with Baby for the next wee while.  She also feels awful because she had a suspicion that Paul didn't cope very well with Baby on his own because Baby sometimes cried a lot with him and she thinks he has smacked her before.  They're gonna see what happens with Paul & anger management, and attend the parenting course.

Do you think this is ok for now, or do you think I need to tell someone that Paul smacked their baby?

]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:39:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41394&PID=1424858&title=would-you-report-your-friend#1424858