OHbaby! Forums : Lets get debating :insert evil grin here:

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : DzinerGirl wrote: H wrote:im...

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 11:33:41 +0000

Author: T_Rex
Subject: 35982
Posted: 07�October�2010 at 11:33am

DzinerGirl wrote:

__H__ wrote:

im still worried about telling mum when im UTD-

Haha I was 26 and married and I was still nervous about telling my parents I was preggie LOL

Lol, I left it up to my parents to tell the extended family and my sister described it as "dad got this awkward *my daughter's been having sex* expression" when he told them

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : LOL Flake if your wedding was...

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 12:56:55 +0000

Author: RedHeadDuck
Subject: 35982
Posted: 06�October�2010 at 12:56pm

LOL Flake if your wedding was shotgun, then ours most definately must have been

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : H wrote:im still worried...

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 10:06:49 +0000

Author: DzinerGirl
Subject: 35982
Posted: 06�October�2010 at 10:06am

__H__ wrote:

im still worried about telling mum when im UTD-

Haha I was 26 and married and I was still nervous about telling my parents I was preggie LOL

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : When I had a scan with DS, the...

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 08:11:17 +0000

Author: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: 35982
Posted: 05�October�2010 at 8:11am

When I had a scan with DS, the sonographer asked DH & I about the age gap between our kids. We told her, and she replied with 'Oh well, accidents happen'. I told her our first child was planned and wanted, just five years early, and the second was very much planned and a few months late according to our ideals. She just ignored me and carried on.

I've had people ask if our wedding was shotgun because of DD. She's 2 this year...I've been married nearly 4 years.....

idiots.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : LMAO Kelly, I would've paid...

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 07:58:18 +0000

Author: Emmecat
Subject: 35982
Posted: 05�October�2010 at 7:58am

LMAO Kelly, I would've paid to be there!!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Haha Kelly you always know what...

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 07:46:20 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 05�October�2010 at 7:46am

Haha Kelly you always know what to say to people!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : some people are just rude ! a...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 21:53:39 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:53pm

some people are just rude !
a woman at C's school commented, on seeing Ty and C together "oh...they have such different colouring "
"yes" I said "different fathers "
"oh, im sorry "
"why? they were both good " *leery wink to her shocked face and I walked off *

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : tictacjunkie wrote:That's...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 21:13:35 +0000

Author: kiwi2
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:13pm

tictacjunkie wrote:

That's one thing that bothered me when I got preg at 18, had ds at 19, married a month before I turned 21, is that people implied I was promiscuous. I can count on one hand the people I've slept with. Which is apparently far less than the national average! A woman asked me in ob's office when I was preg with #3 if it was my first, I said no it's my 3rd, her next question was did they all have the same father. I was stunned & just said "yes my husband", I should have told her to f+off!

OMG I am not a violent person but I don't think I could have controlled myself. What a nerve.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : H wrote:thanks, we have...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:45:47 +0000

Author: _SMS_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 6:45pm

__H__ wrote:

thanks, we have been talking about getting engaged for a while it was just a matter of finding the right ring. now i have to wait to the end of the month for DP to get it but im soooooo excited!

YAH!!! Now you need to send your DP down to my house to talk my DP into getting me a ring hahaha

But yah thats great news

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : That's one thing that bothered...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 17:36:52 +0000

Author: tictacjunkie
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 5:36pm

That's one thing that bothered me when I got preg at 18, had ds at 19, married a month before I turned 21, is that people implied I was promiscuous. I can count on one hand the people I've slept with. Which is apparently far less than the national average! A woman asked me in ob's office when I was preg with #3 if it was my first, I said no it's my 3rd, her next question was did they all have the same father. I was stunned & just said "yes my husband", I should have told her to f+off!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : thanks, we have been talking about...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 13:19:11 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 1:19pm

thanks, we have been talking about getting engaged for a while it was just a matter of finding the right ring. now i have to wait to the end of the month for DP to get it but im soooooo excited!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : H congrats sooo exciting

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 12:54:18 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 12:54pm

H congrats sooo exciting

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Yay H exciting!

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 11:54:23 +0000

Author: clover
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 11:54am

Yay __H__ exciting!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : im still worried about telling...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 11:05:47 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 11:05am

im still worried about telling mum when im UTD- im 21 and will be engaged by the end of the year (found the ring yesterday!!!!!!)

i think that teenages should have their own room and if they cant at least be sharing with the same sex. when they are young it doesnt really matter

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I have told DH that our boys will...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:41:35 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 10:41am

I have told DH that our boys will have it drummed into them that NO babies before 28yr, ha ha....& that is after DH having one at 20 which ruined yrs & ended up paying a sh*t load of support with no return

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Nobody really taught me either,...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:23:46 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 10:23am

Nobody really taught me either, my Mum was in the same camp as Honeybuns ILs as far as she was concerned as long as sex wasn't going on in her house she didn't want to know about it.

I put myself on the bcp at 17, was extremely lucky not to get utd before then and spent the best part of 17 and 18 sleeping with anything that moved. I'd also come from an all girls catholic school which I don't think helped much with forming relationships.

My Mum would say I should respect myself tbh I don't think I knew what that was, I equated sex with love.

It was all good and well for her to want me to wait till marriage, that was never going to happen and in denying what was actually going on I learnt from my own mistakes. Which is ok to a point I'd prefer to have a more open mind with my daughter and hope we have a relationship where she doens't feel the need to hide from me. (Maybe that's a teenage girl thing - not sure).

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : DP didnt feel ready until after...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:17:22 +0000

Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 10:17am

DP didnt feel ready until after he turned 30, but we'd only been together for a couple months when we started talking about trying, DD was concieved on our 3rd anniversary. 2 years later we are still together, having another baby, and talking about long-term plans (NO wedding bells haha)

I was engaged to my ex when I got pregnant at 19 (had been together since I was 17, B was born 3 days shy of turning 20), so I THOUGHT I was in a stable relationship, I'd moved out of town and hours away from my friends and family, so it wasnt like I was planning on up and leaving anytime soon. That was until we got married, and 5 months later (with a 7 month old son) he started chatting up 16y old girls on msn and chatrooms and passing us off his as his sister and nephew. His mother tried to get me to forgive and forget, but where I come from, cheating is not a forgiveable offence, and in my eyes, denying his son made it even worse. I managed to hold on until JUST after our 1st wedding anniversary and then I couldnt do it anymore.

C&J, noone really 'taught' me self respect or when to say no etc, but I just grew up knowing that I wasnt a piece of meat to share around, and didnt sleep with anyone until my ex-husband, and even then we waited until a month or so before my 18th as I didnt feel ready to take that jump til then. I would like to hope that my daughter would feel the same way and hold off until she is 100% ready too.

Oh and I didnt PLAN to fall preg at 19, BUT we knew that with me stopping my long-term contraception, there was every chance (had been on it since I met him, so assumed it would take a lot longer than it did to wear off though!) so it was not a complete accident.

Room sharing, my sister and I had our own rooms until our brother was born (I was 16, she was 12.5) so it was a big adjustment to suddenly room share as teens lol! My 2 shared a room as there was no other option until around DD's 1st birthday when we had more space again. When this one outgrows the cot, then the rooms will be rearranged accordingly, (i.e if its a boy, then B has to share once baby is in a bed, and vice versa) I do worry about the age gap if its a boy, by the time they room share, B will be 9-10 with a 2-3 yr old sharing his room

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : caliandjack wrote: As for my...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:08:34 +0000

Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 10:08am

caliandjack wrote:

As for my own daughter I'd prefer her to wait to and whilst I can't lock her up till she's 25 (I wish) would like to think we'll teach her how to stay safe and respect her body.

Thats exactly it candj! I would hope to install the same values in DD as I had! I don't totally agree with the way DP was raised. He was raised with a heavy fist tells stories of being thrown from one room to another! I also don't agree with the approach they had to sex as in we're christian so it doesn't happen before marriage therefore our children aren't having sex... NEWSFLASH all of your bio children aside from 10yr old have either had a kid or been pregnant before marriage! Your oldest was pregnant at her wedding, and the son that you worried about the most, well it took him 7years in a serious relationship to have a baby!

Mum as soon as she realised I was in a relationship and had a bf staying over booked me in to get bcp. That was the end of the story! By the time we got pregnant it was 7yrs later and albeit unplanned but by then we were 24 not 18.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I never shared a room with my...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:55:29 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:55am

I never shared a room with my brother, prob just as well as he'd no doubt have tried to kill me.

Not sure if we'll have any more children so sharing may not be a problem.

I'd like them to have their own rooms once they're school aged as I think the demands of school mean you need your own space.

Question for those that had babies in their teens, were your babies planned? I think there is a difference between having babies in your teens and planning them.

My niece is 14 and is only in her 1st year of high school she should be worrying about exams and going out with her friends, not having to think about nappies and night feeds.
As for my own daughter I'd prefer her to wait to and whilst I can't lock her up till she's 25 (I wish) would like to think we'll teach her how to stay safe and respect her body. At 18 I'd love her to be at uni or travelling enjoying going out with her friends not thinking about the demands of an infant.

For me becoming a mother is something that will stop and is for life, don't seem any reason to embark on that journey early.

From what I've seen teenage boys are far less able to cope with the responsibility of children and really should wait at least till their 20's.
If you asked Dh he'd probably say he's still not ready for fatherhood and he's 34.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : my bros shared until my oldest...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:45:42 +0000

Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:45am

my bros shared until my oldest was out of school and then the sleepout that was promised when he was 15 was built the other two shared until I moved out

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : My brothers shared a room. There...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:43:27 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:43am

My brothers shared a room. There was 2 yrs between them & several between me & them. I had a bigger room cause I had heaps of dollies we had a 4 b'room house but 1 room was for guests...go figure

We have done heaps of combinations with our boys. The latest one is DS1 has his own room as he is 9yrs. DS2& 3 share as they are 4 &5yrs

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I shared a room until I was a...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:15:11 +0000

Author: LittleBug
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:15am

I shared a room until I was a teenager. When I was little I was too scared to sleep on my own but teenage years are a good time for privacy.

My kids will share a room probably until school age, it would be longer if they were the same sex.

LOL The Kelly!!

ETA: Lol at Thomas Edison, TicTic!

Edited by LittleBug

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : #3 will share a room with their...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:09:58 +0000

Author: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 9:09am

#3 will share a room with their bro/sis, dunno which, when they are born. It'll be short term though, and when we sell this place we'll be after at least 4 rooms. I think it's vital by teenage years for kids to have their own space, but that's just me.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : tictacjunkie my sister and i shared...

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 08:28:33 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 04�October�2010 at 8:28am

tictacjunkie my sister and i shared a room when we were younger - and even had my cousin in the same room for a while too - so i dont see anything wrong with making my boys share a room.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : My ds, aged 9, is fascinated with...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 23:30:35 +0000

Author: tictacjunkie
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 11:30pm

My ds, aged 9, is fascinated with inventors/science etc, & we were discussing Thomas Edison. He commented "wow, mum, you know lots about him, did you meet him when he was still alive?". He died in 1931, inventor of lightbulbs & networked electricity. =(. Just shows that even though other people may notice I'm a lot younger than other mothers-of-9yos, it makes no difference to the 9yo!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : LittleBug wrote:Speaking of...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 22:54:00 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 10:54pm

LittleBug wrote:

Speaking of the good ol' days, I was thinking of how OLD I will seem to my kids when I talk about my childhood.

"In my day, there was no such thing as internet and mobile phones, laptops, CDs/DVDs, etc etc,"... I will seem like I originated before the dawn of civilisation to them, haha

ohhhh don't worry, my daughter said to me the other day
"mum, when you were little,were things in colour?"

and another time "mum,in the olden days....you know,when you were young, was christmas invented ?"

Im.Only.Twenty.Bloody.Eight.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I've noticed people mention...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 22:30:29 +0000

Author: tictacjunkie
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 10:30pm

I've noticed people mention size of house/ number of bedrms in the "how many kids" bit. Bedroom sharing vs individual rooms? A friend of mine has just spent a fortune having an extra room put on their house for their baby (due soon), which I thought was odd as they'll have 2 boys only 2y apart. Surely they'd be ok sharing for a little while when they're young? Especially as lack of finance seems to be a huge issue for this family. Sure it'd be nice but is it worth huge financial stress?

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Lol seems the only thing I have...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:27:38 +0000

Author: lil_lease
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:27pm

Lol seems the only thing I have going for me is that DF and I have been together for just over 3 years

I have always wanted to have my children "young" as in before 25 as I feel I will have more energy to devote to my children. I've never been much of a party type person so I dont feel like I'm missing out because we decided to have our children as young as we are. DF and I talked about having children for a long time before TTC and getting pregnant. He thought that he would be having his kids around 25 or so but he turns 23 soon so close enough lol.

I do think that under 18 is too young to have children but in saying that it does depend on the maturity of the parents.

As to how many kids to have, as many as you want and have the means to take care of.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Epidurals I loved having an Epi,...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:16:35 +0000

Author: _SMS_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:16pm

Epidurals
I loved having an Epi, by the time i got it, it was definitely needed lol. But in saying that i think it didnt help DDs delivery. I went into labour anti drugs then got upset when i needed them. Next time i dont want an Epi.

Dummies
Hate Dummies. DD never had one. Im glad of that, i dont have to worry about getting rid of it and she learnt to settle without needing it.

Country Vs Town living
Im a bit of both, i love the country but i am a town girl. Id like to live in the country but have a town very close by lol.

Family Size
I come from a family of 3 children, which i think is fine. We have decided on having 2 children though. When you have 3 we think it'll start getting harder. You will need bigger car, more bedrooms etc.

Age of Parents
Doesnt bother me in the slightest. As long as they are over 20ish lol. I had DD at 21 but at that stage id been with DP for 5 years. I think age doesnt matter, its the relationship of the parents that does. Im trying for my 2nd now at 23, ive been in a relationship for 7 years and we own our home.

Edited to add, i think its sad how the parents break up and then argue over custody & the child gets stuck in the middle etc. Even though DP & I are young if we were to break up we would never fight or bring our children into our fights. We would be civilized to each other in front of our children even if it is hard. We have always said that.

And Marmite all the way hahahahah

Edited by _SMS_

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Speaking of the good ol'...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:08:29 +0000

Author: LittleBug
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:08pm

Speaking of the good ol' days, I was thinking of how OLD I will seem to my kids when I talk about my childhood.

"In my day, there was no such thing as internet and mobile phones, laptops, CDs/DVDs, etc etc,"... I will seem like I originated before the dawn of civilisation to them, haha

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Delli wrote: Little_Red wrote:Broken...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:08:15 +0000

Author: kiwisj
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:08pm

Delli wrote:

Little_Red wrote:

Broken homes are becoming the norm nowadays which is sad.

Hehe, this could be a whole 'nother debate for me : "The Good Old Days"

'Cause everything was so much better in the golden olden days, they had perfect marriages and relationships and families then. To quote Team America "They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles."

I do think that it's sad and a shame when a marriage (or any relationship) breaks down but having said that, I sure am glad that people have a choice and support/a safety net "nowadays" so that they can get out of a relationship when it's not working out instead of being miserable because that's what society demands.

I went into my marriage planning on it being for life and working hard on our relationship, but that doesn't mean we're perfect and you never know what life (or your husband) is going to throw at you!

A good friend of mine here got married a couple of weeks before me, had her DS a month before I had Callum and is UTD with #2. She has just moved home because her DH was cheating on her and told her he didn't want to be married any more and doesn't even want to know the kids. He has shown himself to be a TOTALLY different guy to the one she thought she married.

My Dad's cousin found her her husband was cheating on her when her kids were little. She stayed with him because that's what you did. You turned a blind eye

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Epidurals It's always best...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:04:51 +0000

Author: LittleBug
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:04pm

Epidurals
It's always best to try and get through without drugs, because of the cascade of intervention (intervening in any way leads to higher risk of further intervention being needed)... BUT if you need one for whatever reason (baby in bad position, long labour, etc etc.) then epidurals can be a life-saver.

Dummies
I never wanted my kids to have dummies, until I got my first colicky baby, LOL. Then I absolutely loved dummies. Now I think there is nothing wrong with them, as long as they are used properly (kept clean, used for sleeping or sickness/teething, not just all day). Chloe had hers until she was 2 years old for sleeps, then one day I said she was a big girl now and didn't need it. She got a little bit upset but I replaced it with a special "big girl" toy and that was that. I found that much easier than letting her "cry it out" when she was younger so I will do the same with Ollie... wait until he's old enough to understand that we are getting rid of it because he's big and doesn't need it any more.

Country vs. Town
I'm a country girl at heart. But I would still want to live near to town, my dream is to have a couple of acres near town, that would be perfect. I like space.

Marmite vs. Vegemite
Marmite all the way!! Vegemite, blergh LOL

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Little_Red wrote:Broken homes...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:01:22 +0000

Author: Delli
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:01pm

Little_Red wrote:

Broken homes are becoming the norm nowadays which is sad.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Interesting discussion re ages...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 21:00:57 +0000

Author: rachelsea
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:00pm

Interesting discussion re ages etc. I definitely wasn't ready to have a baby at 21 or before. I met my DH at 21 (he's two years older than me) and we were married when I was 22. We started talking about having kids when I was 24 and started trying later that year. I was 26 when DD was born. Now I'm 27 and pregnant with our 2nd (will be 28 when this one is due). This seems like the right age to me! As for family size, I dunno, this is our 2nd and I don't like to say it's our last. Who knows. DH wants to try for a 3rd if this one's another girl so I think we'll have two or three.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Wow, I missed heaps. First off,...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:54:19 +0000

Author: Delli
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:54pm

Wow, I missed heaps.

First off, Marmite is totally way better than Vegemite.

Epidurals
Don't really care about Epidural Vs no Epidural. I didn't have one, but asked for one during transition when it was too late. I did like that I was able to be up and about straight after birth, have a shower and walk carrying my son to the ward (I don't know too much about Epi's but I assume you are bed bound for a bit longer?). Though if I'd had the Epi, I really don't think I would have given a hoot about not being able to do that stuff straight away.

Dummies
Again, not something I really care about. Jude never had one but I don't see being a baby being dependent on a dummy any different to being dependent on a blankie, toy or having a parent entertain them. And I'm not anal about dirt or germs so that aspect of it doesn't bother me in the least.

Country Vs Town living
Grew up in the country, moved into town for uni and first years of working. Always hated living in town and am super glad that we are now living back in the country!

Family Size
Don't really care. I grew up in a family of seven (five children) - loved it. I'm actually quite proud of growing up in a family that size (people seem to comment on it even though it's nothing compared to other large families out there!)

Age of Parents
So many people are at different stages of their lives at the same ages it's ridiculous to try and say that x is the age you should have babies at and that's it.

Perhaps between 20 and 30 is the optimal time body wise.

Can't really comment on emotional readiness or maturity levels as that varies so much between different people.
We decided to start having children youngish (We were 22 and 23 when Jude was born). We had both finished our degrees and had been working for a few years before then though (and also had been together for a long time). In comparison, our friends were still studying or travelling, were not in stable relationships and had no interest in having children just yet which is absolutely fine.

DP and I come from different ends of the spectrum. My parents were very young when I was born (18 and 21) and DP's parents were older when he was born (38 and 39). There are advantages to both. I loved having young parents - they were very very interactive, hands on parents (although it is possible to go for things like sports training runs with your 10+ child when you are over 50 - my assumption would be that it would be a bit less common than when you are just over 30 (and of course there are 30 year olds who wouldn't do this either - we were just a very sporty family).
However, DP's parents were much more financially secure. We decided to go with the younger and able to be more active approach (though we are in no way financially UNsecure ). That's just us though. I do wonder at 30 (average age for first time mothers in NZ) seeming to be the "acceptable" age these days for people to start a family these days as this is when fertility starts to really decline. Hard to get that balance between body and mind eh? That's why I maintain that its NEVER the RIGHT time to have a baby (or always the right time to have a baby, whichever way you look at it ) - if we always waited until we were the right age, had the right job, had the right amount of savings, had bought a house in the right location etc etc etc - most of us would never have a baby!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Thanks Sheza, that was a lovely...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:45:18 +0000

Author: LittleBug
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:45pm

Thanks Sheza, that was a lovely thing to say

Oh yeah, as for number of kids... same as some others have said, as many as you want and can afford to keep. (Although in saying that I wouldn't be able to keep my two without WFF, lol). Only if you are well-able to care for them though.

I always wanted to have kids before I was 30, probably because of all the stuff I learned in my biomedical science degree about reproductive health issues as women get older than late 20's.

I definitely feel like a young mum though, most of the mums in my antenatal class were over 30.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I think that kids under 18 are...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:26:37 +0000

Author: kiwisj
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:26pm

I think that kids under 18 are babies having babies for sure. Does that mean under 18s are going to stop having sex and getting UTD? Nope, of course not. My 17 year old cousin is going to have a baby any day now. I was gutted for her that she has so much responsibility and WORK ahead of her, much sooner than she would have wanted but she's lucky to have a super supportive family and a good head on her shoulders and will make the best of a difficult situation. I don't judge her for getting UTD either. She was in a relationship, as I was at 17 .... there but for the grace of God go I
(the father hasn't stuck around but that's another story)

I met my DH when I was 19 and knew we would get married. We were together 6 years before we did get married but that's just the way things worked out. I always knew I wanted kids young .. young to me meant start around 25 and be done the year I turn 30. Not set in stone, but so far so good

That's just how WE have done things though. I feel like DH and I have achieved loads already, but there is so much more I'd like to do too. More travel, more study, more kids. I don't think this is some sort of magic formula that everyone else should follow that's for sure!

As for the number of kids. I agree that as long as you can afford them, it's your business. I want four, DH wants two because he wants to retire young

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Jane you are a legend hun

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:24:57 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:24pm

Jane you are a legend hun

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I got married at 21 and had my...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:17:16 +0000

Author: LittleBug
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:17pm

I got married at 21 and had my first baby within the first year of my marriage. Biologically, early 20's is the perfect age for baby so I must have 'planned' it well, haha I knew DH for about 7 years before we dated, then we were dating for about 3 years before we married, though, so it wasn't exactly a rushed thing when that is considered. It would have been good if I had managed to get my Biomedical Science degree finished before I got preggo, but I managed it with two pregnancies and babies anyway, so meh.

Now I am 26 and have a husband, two gorgeous young children and a cat and dog, and I'm studying midwifery. I wouldn't change my life for the world! Love it It's hectic, don't think I would be able to keep up if I felt any older

I love being a young mum, I feel like I can relate a bit better to my kids than some of my older mummy friends (although it could just be them, who knows?), I have more energy, and there is still so much I can do with my life. We will be 'free' of the kids at a younger age than older mums as well (travel time, wohoo!) LOL

I feel like I had kids at the perfect time, even though I was younger than most of my friends.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : although, that said, I do kinda...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:16:19 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:16pm

although, that said, I do kinda get where you are coming from, I just wouldn't have said it like that!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : There is absolutely no way you...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:14:50 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:14pm

There is absolutely no way you can ever prepare yourself, 3 years min or not for the changes becoming a family has on your marriage. Even more so, like 100 times more so when you have 2nd and subsequent children.
Even the strongest marriages can crumble under the pressure. One baby is easy, more than one.... bucke yourself in!
My best friends marriage crumbled two years ago and she was left with an almost 2 year old and a 6 year old. The y had been together for about 11 years and married for 7, and it was the strain of the second child.They were the 6th couple out of 10 in a group whos marriage fell apart that year and most of that group had just started having families...going from a do as you please twosome to a threesome and more is very hard, and I don't think how long you have been together or how old you are is a way to measure success, as most of these couples had been together since high school and most of them are mid thirties plus now.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : ...while Im glad my life worked...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:12:59 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:12pm

...while Im glad my life worked out the way it did, I do hope C waits til shes a bit older before having kids, which probably makes me hypocritical, but thats ok, I will add it to my list of flaws

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I get what you're saying...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:11:22 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:11pm

I get what you're saying LR... I was 21 when I had my youngest and I really hope my daughter waits until she is older to have kids. I love my daughter so much and of course wouldn't change a thing now, however, with hindsight, ideally I would have had a few more years to grow up, work, travel and just be young and carefree. But at the time there was no telling me I wasn't ready cos I was sure I was... looking back now I wasn't and it was tough when her father and I broke up (we were together close to 3 years before she came along) and I watched all my friends still be young whilst I had all the responsibility of being a mum, working and studying... but like I said I wouldn't change it for the world now but I do hope my kids wait until they're a bit older...

ETA - I am only saying I want my girls to wait until their older... not anyone else - others can all do what works for them

Edited by freckle

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Little_Red wrote:I think you...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 20:00:16 +0000

Author: .Mel
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:00pm

Little_Red wrote:

I think you should be over 25 before you have a baby and have been in a stable relationship for a minimum of 3 yrs. I think early 20s is best spent getting to know yourself as an adult without being a mother. I don't understand why women want to rush in to having a baby, it's like they don't know what else to do. And on my second point I think a couple should spend time building on the relationship and enjoy time together before changing the equation completely by bringing children into it. You normally know by three years if it's going to work. Broken homes are becoming the norm nowadays which is sad.

Seriously?

I have no words right now, but that is the most out there thing I have ever read and I can't understand why everyone feels they need to justify their decisions in this thread!

Just do what you want, bugger everyone else.. jeez!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : After seeing all the young girls...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 19:57:10 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 7:57pm

After seeing all the young girls at Bethany, living with them, and when I say young, I mean 14-17, it really did seem like babies having babies.
I was thinking ahead to when C would be at college,they were thinking ahead to their babies being born and them getting lots of attention.
Course its not fair to tar all teen mums with the same brush and say they are all going to do a bad job, cos of course some of them don't .
But of the lot that came and went while I was there (and there was a lot) they were babies, having babies.

As far as C goes, shes a fantastic example of how things that aren't planned are sometimes the best thing,shes pretty awesome,even if I do say so myself

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I had my first at 18.. Had been...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 19:18:40 +0000

Author: Snappy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 7:18pm

I had my first at 18.. Had been with DH for a year before I fell pregnant. Sure, it's been a hard road, but I feel like I've achieved more with my life than friends my age. I'm rather proud with how my daughter turned out, despite how young we were at the time. Me and Dh have grown up together. The kids have everything they need.. DD is top of her class.. I'm happy.. The only regret I have is traveling, but as someone pointed out we'll get to do that later on.
I was watching my 45 year old mum this afternoon at a family BBQ, RUNNING with my kids in the back yard, kicking the ball around with them. My dad came along and joined in, and I thought "thank god my kids got to experience this"
My mum had me when she was 19.. They've been married 27 years.

Happy here :)

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : minik8e wrote:LOL....my poor...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 19:16:04 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 7:16pm

minik8e wrote:

LOL....my poor children have everything in their life going against them, it appears

Dont worry mine appear to as well

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : my uncle and aunt were together...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 18:42:45 +0000

Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 6:42pm

my uncle and aunt were together 6weeks before they got married, and I think my cousin came along a year later, not entirely sure however. So being together 3years doesn't mean much. Oh and also DP and I have been together for 9years and at 6years our cracks showed up and we broke up a number of times only to get back together again but with alot of work! We are 26/27 and we didn't know we were ready for kids until we fell pregnant with DD and now wouldn't change anything for the world. Before DD we were still so busy wasting money and living our lives.

As for being over 25, I don't agree on that either. bestie has a 5yr old and she is only 24. She is a great mother, she knows she has her limits and needs to be one of those mums that works full time as she gets sick of being in one spot for a long time but she is still a great mum when she is home, and makes the kids lunches, bakes regularly keeps a tidy house, and has well loved and looked after kids. She has more to show then DP and I do!

being over 25 and being with your partner may have worked in your situation little_red but it doesn't mean it works the same for others.

I personally think that age and number of kids is up to you and your personal situation who am I to judge if you should have 1,2,5,18 (which my SIL husband family is 1of 18) or if you 15,16, 20,25,50. I personally would hope that a 15,16 yr old isn't going to have a baby but if she does that the adults in her family help and support her to provide for that child and still get an education!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : ...as I said Kate, be glad they...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 18:38:24 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 6:38pm

...as I said Kate, be glad they are cute

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : LOL....my poor children have everything...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 18:32:50 +0000

Author: minik8e
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 6:32pm

LOL....my poor children have everything in their life going against them, it appears

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I was on the pill and at uni when...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 18:25:55 +0000

Author: kiwi2
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 6:25pm

I was on the pill and at uni when I fell pregnant with my DD at 19. Totally unplanned. I was a responsible girl who was doing what I thought would prevent a pregnancy (other than abstain) and still to this day can't beleive that I was the 1% who gets preggos on the pill. Never missed it or had the other issues that lessen its effectiveness however a friend of mine got pregnant 6 weeks later on the same pill so I do wonder if there was a faulty batch. Being pro-life I didn't consider termination and went on to have my daughter at the end of my 2nd year at uni. Once DH and I had finished Uni we got married and have 10 years behind us and 2 additional children. So I do disagree with Little Red.

I think little red was coming from a place of good intentions though. In an ideal world it would be great to not have slip ups and everything go to plan. For some it does. I would have loved to have had time with just me and DH before having kids. Unfortunately for me I had two options. Terminate/adoption or make the best of the situation and I chose to make it work. Was it easy - definately not but we are stronger for it and will survive a lot more difficulties along the way.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I agree that everyone is different...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 17:51:45 +0000

Author: Richie
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 5:51pm

I agree that everyone is different in regards to what age is right to start having children, but I personally think that anyone under the age of 18 is too young. I know when I was 18, I didn't even know how to look after myself, let alone a baby. Plus, I was too busy spending all my money on clothes and partying. I always knew I wanted to start having kids in my mid 20's (I had Isla when I was 24 - I'm now 25) cause by then, I'd experienced life to a certain degree, got the partying out of the way etc. DF and I had been together 2 and half years (and engaged for 18months) when I got UTD so we knew we were both on the same page when it came to making the decision about having children. He is now 28 and wanted to have kids before he was 30 so it worked well.

As for how many kids.... I agree 100% with the comment that someone made "i dont think it is anyones business how big or small your family is - so long as you can provide for them. If you are on a benefit and keep having children then i think someone should step in and say "enough". (sorry, don't know how to do the quote thing). It really bugs me when people struggle to afford the children they already have, and then go and get pregnant again. Things are tight for us at the moment, but we are more than managing and do a lot better than a lot of other people so we probably could afford to have another one but we want to wait until we know that we can afford things a bit better and not live week by week.

In saying all that tho, I'm one of 6 kids and we had it really tough growing up. My Mum had my older 3 siblings to her ex-husband and when they split up, Mum got all 3 of them and he offered no support. Then she met my Dad and had me pretty soon after (I was an 'accident') and as he was in the air force, he wasn't around very often so she was essentially still a 'single' parent to 4 kids. Then we all moved to CHCH and she got pregnant with my sister a few years later and they go married, and a few years after that, she had my little brother. We were pretty poor when we moved to CHCH. There was 8 of us living in a small 3 bedroom house, but we got by OK, and Mum and Dad did a great job with us all and now we all live pretty comfortable lives, but I want to make sure my kids have more than I did when I was growing up.
Oh and My Mum was 24 when she had her first, and 44 when she had my little brother. Yep..... 20yrs between oldest and youngest! lol

Sorry... kinda went off on a bit of a tangent then lol

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I had my DS at 25, had been with...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 17:51:30 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 5:51pm

I had my DS at 25, had been with my DH for less than a year, he is younger than me as well!!
Anyhoo, we knew what we wanted and yeah we were judged big time, but we didnt care what anyone thought.
We got married when DS was 9 months old, and I was pregnant with DD at the time too.

Wouldnt change anything about how things went!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Little_Red wrote:I think you...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 17:50:15 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 5:50pm

My unplanned baby (Caitlyn) I was 19 when I got pregnant and her dad was a rebound relationship...we didn't stay together and it was a difficult first few years , not awful, but not easy.
My planned babies, Ty and this one, I was 26 and 28, but DH and I had only been together for a year and a bit.
We are strong though, solid, we respect each other and at the end of the day we are best friends, I don't think you need to be together for 3 years in order to prove you are a good couple, sometimes couples are together for 7 years and have kids and the cracks start showing.
Others are together a short time, but it just works.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Little_Red wrote:I think you...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 17:42:50 +0000

Author: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 5:42pm

HECK NO!
I was 21 when I was first pregnant.
But then I was engaged at 19, married at 20. And golly gosh darn it I knew EXACTLY what I wanted!!
I'm now 24 with 2 kids and a mortgage, I've nearly been married 4 years now and its a freaking awesome marriage, if I do say so myself But I've been with DH since I was 12/13. Took us a year to kiss lol, it's not like it was a hard out lovey dovey relationship then.

But we're happy. And boy we've been judged for it in the past, it's certainly taught me not to judge others. You can't put an age on these things. Some late teens KNOW where they are going with their life, and that deserves to be valued.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : caliandjack wrote:When to have...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 17:01:31 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 5:01pm

caliandjack wrote:

When to have children depends largely on your individual circumstance, there was no way I was ready for the responsibility of raising a child at 21, I was single and too busy partying and having a great time. But that's just me.

exactly CJ, whats right for someone may not be right for someone else. everyone is different so big decisions like that are going to be different for everyone

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : When to have children depends...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 16:47:13 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 4:47pm

When to have children depends largely on your individual circumstance, there was no way I was ready for the responsibility of raising a child at 21, I was single and too busy partying and having a great time. But that's just me.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : family size, I think its a personal...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 16:32:45 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 4:32pm

family size, I think its a personal decision but i agree if you cant support them or your on a benefit stop having kids!

as for when to have children i also think that is a personal decision. i didnt want to have a baby before i was 21 (we TTC when i was 20 but i would have been 21 when baby was due if i got UTD then) i also think a stable relationship is important then even if things dont go to plan with the relationship baby (should) still have to loving parents

some people tell me i shouldnt even think about kids (they dont know we are trying) at my age (21) but its none of their business and anyway we are ready for it (DP and i have been together for 5 years)

Edited by __H__

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I think you should be over 25...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 16:17:12 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 4:17pm

I think you should be over 25 before you have a baby and have been in a stable relationship for a minimum of 3 yrs. I think early 20s is best spent getting to know yourself as an adult without being a mother. I don't understand why women want to rush in to having a baby, it's like they don't know what else to do. And on my second point I think a couple should spend time building on the relationship and enjoy time together before changing the equation completely by bringing children into it. You normally know by three years if it's going to work. Broken homes are becoming the norm nowadays which is sad.

Edited by Little_Red

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : jazzy wrote: Bizzy wrote: oh...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 14:35:27 +0000

Author: WestiesGirl
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 2:35pm

jazzy wrote:

Bizzy wrote:

oh i also think that mothers who try to have a child after menopause are nuts! You have missed the boat by then and nature should be listened to!

I agree give it up then...but if anyone wants to try to then...go for it

Bizzy wrote:

i dont think it is anyones business how big or small your family is - so long as you can provide for them. If you are on a benefit and keep having children then i think someone should step in and say "enough".

agree up to a point.

I did see on tv not long ago a family that was having #8 or 9. DH says good on them but not my cuppa tea.

Agreed on both counts.

AS for age, I was 25 when I had Jackson and I still feel I was too young lol My sister was a teenage mum and had her first DD at 18 (she is now 9 years old), which was a total shock to our family but wouldnt change it for the world. I still feel that there are things I'd liked to have done or seen before having children, but now it just means he comes along for the ride, and we love taking him with us
I dont think there is a perfect 'age' to have children however, I think before 18 is too young, they really are babies having babies and I find it sad that they havent lived their life from my POV.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Bizzy wrote: oh i also think...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 14:12:35 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 2:12pm

Bizzy wrote:

oh i also think that mothers who try to have a child after menopause are nuts! You have missed the boat by then and nature should be listened to!

I agree give it up then...but if anyone wants to try to then...go for it

agree up to a point.

I did see on tv not long ago a family that was having #8 or 9. DH says good on them but not my cuppa tea.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : My DD is 13 turning 14 in two...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 13:59:11 +0000

Author: kiwi2
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 1:59pm

My DD is 13 turning 14 in two months. There is no way she could cope with a baby. Thank god she hasn't even kissed a boy yet that I know about. We are quite open about chatting about these things and I have a good idea about which boy she likes etc. I have neices that are young with kids and she can see first hand the effect babies have on young girls.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Bizzy wrote:i dont think it...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 13:00:54 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 1:00pm

Agree with this.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I find the whole idea that kids...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 13:00:09 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 1:00pm

I find the whole idea that kids are having sex at 13, 14 and 15 frightening enough, who are they having sex with. More justification for Dh to get that shot gun Let alone getting pregnant and having a baby. They're still babies themselves.
My niece is 14 and started high school this year, that's far too young to have a baby, too young to be doing anything beyond kissing IMO.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I know not every young teen will...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 11:21:00 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 11:21am

I know not every young teen will do a bad job as a mum, that there are some more mature than others (tho what is mature at 15? acting like a 20 year old?)
but when I was at Bethany centre while pregnant with C ,I was the oldest at 19.
The youngest was 13.....of the 14 that were there, only 3 of us still have our children.
I know its not the same for everyone, but it certainly gave me a pretty one sided perception of it

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : My 15 yr old niece is having a...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 11:16:02 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 11:16am

My 15 yr old niece is having a baby - i think she is too young! She tells me there are even younger girls at her teen pregnancy unit. i agree that maturity levels can vary but i havent yet met many 16/17 yr old girls with the emotional maturity to even be having sex let alone becoming mothers.

oh i also think that mothers who try to have a child after menopause are nuts! You have missed the boat by then and nature should be listened to!

i dont think it is anyones business how big or small your family is - so long as you can provide for them. If you are on a benefit and keep having children then i think someone should step in and say "enough".

Edited by Bizzy

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : family size, I think its a personal...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:56:23 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 10:56am

family size, I think its a personal decision and so long as the parents know how many they can afford, have all you want .
We want just 3, which is what we are having (onto the last)
and then ....
Im getting a DOG.
Im very excited about that ......

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : as far as the age part goes .....I...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:53:39 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 10:53am

as far as the age part goes .....I know this, it may not have been right for me to be pregnant at 19/20, but it happened and thats the way it was meant to be,in the universal scheme of things,my life would have been completely different had I not had her.

Not that it really matters for me *sigh* im 28 but still look 16 .....

I will say that it is much nicer (in my personal experience) having a baby with the father excited and involved, than not.
Although my DH informs me that babies aren't interesting til 3months.
Butthead.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : caliandjack wrote: Its hard...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:29:30 +0000

Author: tishy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 10:29am

caliandjack wrote:

Its hard to know exactly what goes on in other peoples relationships, however from my POV some couples seem to give up to easily.

I think some people assume that it's 'unconditional love' rather than 'love and respect' IYGWIM.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I wouldn't want my daughter...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 09:57:30 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:57am

I wouldn't want my daughter having children before she's 18, I'd prefer she got an education and some life experience behind her before she thought about having a family of her own.

I am at the other end of the spectrum I didn't meet Dh till I was 27 and wasn't interested in having children with any of the bf/partners I'd had previous. Due to a number of different things, career, house etc I wasn't ready to have children till I hit my mid 30's. DH wanted to be married before we had children so we did that first, we've been married 2 1/2 years and we spent 13 months TTC our daughter who is due next month.

Being 37 and having my first has also made me reassess how many children we have, I've always wanted 2, never wanted a big family. We'll see atm I'm happy and content to have the one.
People seem to have opinions on this too.
Dh is an only child and he's never missed not having brothers and sisters, I have a brother which I can't stand. So the whole sibling thing doesn't really work for me.

A good relationship shouldn't be hard work. Yes it does take effort on both parts, I guess its what's important to you, your relationship or yourself.
My relationship with DH was the first time I put my relationship first before anything else, career, family etc and its paid off we have a strong, healthy relationship and we'll be a strong family unit.

Its hard to know exactly what goes on in other peoples relationships, however from my POV some couples seem to give up to easily.

I also know of one particular woman who used her partner to have children and get everything from him. The whole thing seems so planned and calculated. Some people are very good at using others.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I had my first at 35 years and...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 09:55:07 +0000

Author: linda
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 9:55am

I had my first at 35 years and last one at 41 years..if I hadn't got pregnant at 41 I would probably have kept trying till I was 45 and I'm sure had I got to 45 I would have then given myself to 46 etc. The timing wasn't right for me in my 20's and early 30's although I must admit that had I not found DH I would have looked at having a child without a partner.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : lizzle wrote:age: i think...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 08:57:48 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:57am

lizzle wrote:

age: i think late 20s is the perfect age. BUT not everyone who is this age is a great/perfect parent, and not everyone older/younger than this is a crap parent. i don't think an age tells anyone what kind of parent you will be. BUT I think late 20s is perfect just because your body is in good shape for childbirth and you are generally in a stable relationship as well.

I don't know about the stable relationship thing as heaps split after having a child. So I guess another one would be stay together or split. Are some relationship too hard work...

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : age: i think late 20s is the...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 08:41:31 +0000

Author: lizzle
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 8:41am

age: i think late 20s is the perfect age. BUT not everyone who is this age is a great/perfect parent, and not everyone older/younger than this is a crap parent. i don't think an age tells anyone what kind of parent you will be. BUT I think late 20s is perfect just because your body is in good shape for childbirth and you are generally in a stable relationship as well.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : the # of kids...I always wanted...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 07:32:05 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 7:32am

the # of kids...I always wanted 2 boys & 2 girls but that was before I know where they came form or came out of, lol...

I often wonder if the baby I lost at 13weeks was a girl & if it I had not lost it would we of had the other 2 boys.

My IL's & SIL would not be happy if we had another.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : A friend I made through work had...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 07:18:07 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 7:18am

A friend I made through work had her first one at 13yrs old...not planned no one knew. Her dad took her to hospital thinking she had appendicitis..she had a baby, she knew she was but did not tell anyone.

A friend of my SIL had her baby at 44yr.
When I had DS3 a lady in hospital was having #5 & she was 45...good on her I say.

I struggle with the age thing as we have been trying for 1 more for 4yrs now & time is running out. I guess at the end of the day it depends on your body & mind.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Family size: Imo that decision...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 00:52:24 +0000

Author: tictacjunkie
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 12:52am

Family size: Imo that decision is entirely personal, so many things to consider. Age, health, your already-here children's personalities/ requirements, finances, work, lifestyle, etc. We've re-examined it all each time we've thought of ttc again. I agree it does seem to be an addiction with some people. Ear-piercing- my 4 & 6yo have, they asked, I had mine done at 5. Personally I've more of problem with 4yos wearing g-strings, watching Outrageous Fortune or playing Grand Theft Auto.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Age- I was 19 when I had ds, I'd...

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 00:21:21 +0000

Author: tictacjunkie
Subject: 35982
Posted: 03�October�2010 at 12:21am

Age- I was 19 when I had ds, I'd mc our first & even though it was unplanned (broke condom & morning after pill) we were both upset & before we thought about things rationally I was pregnant again. I wasn't a "young" 19 though, had been the "mum" of my siblings growing up, was at uni, had held steady jobs since I was 13 & never got into the party-type lifestyle. DH & I definitely don't regret our decision, we've planned well & do well. I think largely age is irrelevant, it's maturity.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : I sort of have to wonder if over...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 23:06:09 +0000

Author: kiwi2
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 11:06pm

I sort of have to wonder if over 10 kids there might be some sort of phsycological issues. Theres that family in the states that has 19 kids and I just think that maybe it is a bit of an addiction. They support themselves completely but I feel for the older kids that end up being surrogate mums. I don't look twice at 5 and under. 5-10 kids would be a wow and a pat on the back for mum.

Age - I was a young mum. 19. I grew up fast. However I always had a good head on my shoulders. Sure my life had to change and the partying stopped and I had to de-selfish myself. It became all about my baby and not my teenage world. Would I wish it on my daughter. I don't know. I survived and have had a great life with lots of travel etc but there are certain sacrifices you have to make. I am glad that I have got my child birthing days behind me. Because I started young I spaced the kids out. 4 and 5 year gaps. (That is another debate on how much of a gap is preferred.) The difference in pregnancy and labour of a 19 year old body and a 29 year old body was huge. I ached and seemed to be falling apart compared to the 19 year old pregnancy. I bounced back so fast and went back to Uni when baby was 3 weeks old. 29 is still young compared to most. I spose having nothing to compare it too those that are having babies later on in their 30's don't feel the difference so it isn't an issue. At the end of the day as long as you have a healthy baby and you are ok with the risks of older eggs etc it is your own personal choice.

BTW I didn't plan on having kids young. My plan was always to have kids late 20's early 30's. But once my first came along (was on the pill) I decided I didn't want to repeat what my mum did. She had my sisters and then when they were in their late teens she remarried and had me and my brother. That is nearly 40 years of being a hands on mum. I decided that I wanted to have my family in one shot so it turned out to be earlier rather than later.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Apart from under 16 being too...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 22:23:47 +0000

Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 10:23pm

Apart from under 16 being too young since its illegal for a start, I dont know that age is relevant to when its 'ok' to have a child, I know a couple of 18 year olds that are a hell of a lot more mature than some in their late 20's and early 30's

How many depends on what you can afford, and how many you have room for under the roof you live under... in our case the answer to both is 3.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Another one could be what is to...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 22:18:11 +0000

Author: linda
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 10:18pm

Another one could be what is to old or two young to have children (people seem to like to share there opinion for this and how many children should people have (people also seem to have a view on this).

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Epidurals certainly have their...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 22:05:36 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 10:05pm

Epidurals certainly have their place!

I swore I wouldnt have one, I was scared of having one. I "planned" a water birth only using gas if I needed it.
At 12 days over due my waters broke and contractions started right away, after 35ish hours I was still only 3.5cm dilated and then after another 5 hours only 4cm! I was gutted!! and had meconium in the waters, so i got taken by ambulence to the bigger hospital, at that stage I was losing my mind, I was in so much pain and just wasnt dilating well at all, so they offered me an epidural, It took another few hours to get the epi(he was busy aparently), and in that time they managed to stretch me to a 6. Got the epi and I dilated to 9.5cm and wouldnt go any further, so had an emerg CS. My epi didnt cause my CS, it was just DS's position on my cervix, he was never going to come out vaginally, he was born an hour and a half shy of 48 hours from when my water broke and contractions started!!! Lonnggg and painful labour.
So epidural in my case was very much needed! and what I mean by, they have their place.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : oh so curious now Becks......you...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 21:54:02 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 9:54pm

oh so curious now Becks......you can't just do that

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Epi I have no experience with...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 21:46:20 +0000

Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 9:46pm

Epi I have no experience with them so I can't say anything about them. I did say when I was pregnant that if I needed a C section I wanted a general. My reason for it I know how I react to a general I have no idea how I react to an epi. The OB I was discussing this with agreed as he had operated on me under a general and knew how I reacted.

I could add another thing to debate but I think we would get in trouble if we discussed it

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : jazzy wrote: TheKelly wrote: ...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 19:18:34 +0000

Author: kiwisj
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 7:18pm

jazzy wrote:

TheKelly wrote:

nzlisajo wrote:

Maybe I just have an easy baby. She has never thrown a full on wobbly when we are out so I guess I am being a bit cruel to judge 'those Mums'. She might get a little bit grizzly but nothing a game of peek a boo wont fix then she is all smiles again. She has never needed a blanky or dummy or anything to calm her, Just a smile from her Mum works fine

I had one of those babies.
Then he turned a year old

yip those days are gone ha ha...I often think back to the days when I had 1 baby under 1yr...compared to now they were easy days

bahahahaha ... me too. We got lucky and got to about 15 months but WOWEE times change

They get LOUD. No, I mean REALLY REALLY LOUD

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : fattartsrock wrote:Oh and heres...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 19:05:37 +0000

Author: kiwisj
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 7:05pm

fattartsrock wrote:

Oh and heres soemthing that gets mumto bes arguing, lol and coffee group alpha moms to dogging....

Epi or Not?

I'd say, don't rule anyhting out, if you actually have never had a baby before youcan't possible know what it feels like and how you will cope!

Annnnd you don't get a medal for not having one so stop banging on like you are the only woman to have ever given birth.

AGREE!!!!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : One baby. I remember those days....

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 18:20:01 +0000

Author: kiwi2
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 6:20pm

One baby. I remember those days. No yelling and being the model parent I always thought I would be which vanished quickly with child number 2 and got worse with number 3. Love them all to bits but trouble definately multiplies.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : TheKelly wrote: nzlisajo...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 18:06:55 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 6:06pm

TheKelly wrote:

I had one of those babies.
Then he turned a year old

yip those days are gone ha ha...I often think back to the days when I had 1 baby under 1yr...compared to now they were easy days

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Lol well thats good then

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 18:05:29 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 6:05pm

Lol well thats good then

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Lol Sheena even if you came to...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 17:13:01 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 5:13pm

Lol Sheena even if you came to my house with both your kids with the hugest dummies in the world in their mouths dripping with green toxic waste, I would still not ever say anything about it, lol, in fact the only way you would know I hate them is cos you read it on Oh baby!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : nzlisajo wrote:Maybe I just...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 17:12:14 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 5:12pm

I had one of those babies.
Then he turned a year old

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Epi? Hells yeah. I have given...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 17:06:50 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 5:06pm

Epi? Hells yeah.
I have given birth twice without any pain relief and I FRIGGING hated it, does that make me selfish? perhaps ,does it mean I care.?uhhhh NOPE .
I would not have had another baby if the option of pain relief didn't exist and who knows, maybe I wont end up needing it, but Im glad I've got the choice.
And I don't think Im wonderful for giving birth and hating it,still waiting for both my medals.
And yes,i've heard all the horror stories of Epidurals, and then I also know of people who had them and were fine, my friend had a fantastic birth with one and a fantastic quick recovery.

My labour plan is to get my epidural,and watch Friends on the laptop.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Oh epi, only if required. Didn't...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 16:27:11 +0000

Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 4:27pm

Oh epi, only if required. Didn't require it so didn't have it.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Epi...definitely & if I had another...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 15:49:01 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 3:49pm

Epi...definitely & if I had another it would be on top of list & I speak from my experiences of 3 very long labours 2 emergency c/sects & hard births...oh for quick no complications births

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Smacking Totally against the...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 15:46:57 +0000

Author: becky
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 3:46pm

Smacking� Totally against the Law and is not appropriate. And hypocritical IMO

Circumcision Did consider it but in the end didnt as my partners against it.

BFing v FFing Definately breast milk but if I couldnt no big drama

Vaginal birth v Elective c-sect Defiantely would have preferred a natural birth but he was breech will try VBAC so can experience labour.

When to start solids When Bubs is ready.

Homemade solids v Store brought solids Don't care either is fine but did start with homemade.

Vaccination v Non-vaccination I vaccinated so for it.

Routine v Non-routine I let bubs rule the routine until 7months then he had fromed his own routine with a little help from us.

CIO/CC v Not (coz I can't think of what that'd be called) Dont like it.

Religion. Not Religious

Dummy/No Dummy Dont like them for my family.
Meat/No meat I eat meat and DS chooses what meat he eats up to him.
Gay rights hell yeah! Amazed this is even an issue (and have been surprised by how homophobic NZ sometimes seems) AGREE

Marriage Would like to some day.

spec/mw care Midwife

Country/Town living. Town

Nappies�disposables for us.

Marmite vs Vegemite marmite

Piercing Not an issue until we have a girl ;)

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Ok here's mine. Smacking...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 15:31:18 +0000

Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 3:31pm

Ok here's mine.

Smacking We flick DD�s hand that�s about it and that�s normally when her hands are in something that they shouldn�t be after being told repeatedly (normally the rubbish bin [xx(), pulled away etc. But she is only 14mths

Circumcision I personally think if its for medical reasons then go for it, we did talk about that before DD was born as we didn�t know the sex but it was such a quick conversation. I pretty much would leave it up to DP
BFing v FFing I BF in saying that I would FF if I had to. I did BF because it was free didn�t really think about FFing when I could BF although a few times in the early days I wanted to give up. Then it got to the time when DD was older and I was thinking about working part time and I didn�t want her to have FF. DP was also VERY pro BF and almost pressured me into it.

Vaginal birth v Elective c-sect Never had a c-sect. Don�t imagine I would want to either it freaks me out the idea of surgery. But if they�re going to give me a tummy tuck at the same time then sure! [;]]

When to start solids when baby is ready. DD was ready at just under 4mths, but we held out to 5mths because we were moving and busy and bfing was just quicker

Homemade solids v Store brought solids DD has had both, I did do a lot of homemade food because it cost less and that was the main driver behind that.

BLW v Pureed food don�t really have an opinion either way on this.

Vaccination v Non-vaccination We vax. Part of my reasoning behind this is because we�re from a mixed racial background and DD is going to be exposed a lot more to different diseases then most kids. I was told by plunket that in Samoa TB is quite prevalent and that if we have lots of visitors from there we should vax her for that, which we haven�t yet but will definitely think about it.

Routine v Non-routine We have a lose routine, by loose I mean real loose not by timings or anything like that but basic oh DD is awake now I�ll feed her, have a play showing tired signs ok time to go to bed. One thing I did not do and wouldn�t do is feed to sleep all the time, occasionally yes but not all the time

CIO/CC v Not (coz I can't think of what that'd be called) We did CC. I had to get tough on DD because she was a dummy sleeper which was fine when she spat it out and it didn�t wake her, but at 7mths it woke her when I got up every hour one night I thought forget this I�ve had enough!

Religion. Ask my IL�s they�ll tell you she�s Christian, I am agnostic, DP is Christian baptised and all but pre-kids I told DP if he wants her to go to church with him when she�s young then that�s fine he�s taking her I�m not but if she starts to tell either of us she doesn�t want to go like when they get to teenagers then I will not force them to go! I don�t want our kids to feel resentment towards their faith like their father and aunties have.

Dummy/No Dummy DD had one because she was a comfort sucker and there was no way I was going to sit there and let her suck on me all day. Now its for rare occasions to settle her like when I go on my car trip with her it�ll be attached to the car seat. In saying that I don�t like the look of older kids with them. Come 2+ I hate seeing kids walking round public with them it looks stupid, if they use it to settle, or go to sleep with then whatever

Meat/No meat DD eats like I do since I cook, I eat only chicken/fish prawns and squid. I turned off meat about 10years ago. Now I will eat bacon however and when I need iron I will eat a cheeseburger but the idea of a big piece of meat repulses me.

Gay rights Gay people need rights? Aren�t they human beings just like the rest of us? I agree that they should be allowed a civil union like a hetero couple but seriously gay people are human they have human rights!

Marriage We are getting married on our 10yr anniv next year. For me being married won�t mean much but the fact DP wants to get married means more (we have had issues in the past I�m not going into), but because he wants to get married means to me that he is happy now with us and how we are

spec/mw care up to you I�ve only had a MW and would expect that if there was a need for a specialist MW would point me in the right direction and would continue to work alongside us.

Country/Town living. Town

Nappies Cloth most of the time (unless I haven�t washed yet)

Marmite vs Vegemite marmite

Piercing when asked for it we will do it. I don�t think I need to decide that for her!

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : caliandjack wrote:Question...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 15:14:33 +0000

Author: cuppatea
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 3:14pm

caliandjack wrote:

Question for those that don't vax, is it the vaccination you don't want/like or the acquired immunity?

I'll try to explain.

Immunity from vaccination is a myth. Vaccination in some people, not all, causing an antibody response in that you create antibodies to the virus in the vaccine, some of these are dead viruses, some are live but weakened and some are genetically engineered from the 'wild' version. The flu virus is done that way, well actually it's added to a genetically engineered lab virus, it's not engineered itself if you want to argue semantics. The theory is that the body would then recognise the "wild" virus as the one in the jab and deploy the antibodies, thus meaning you fight it off quicker and then cos you fight it off quicker you are less likely to spread it around. It's theory though, it's not proven, it's never been tested.

Also the effect, if there is one, wears off, no vaccine gives lifelong protection. So in that respect catching the 'wild' version and getting lifelong immunity is far better.

I am worried about what is in the vaccines, the ingredients are mind boggling and scary and some of the practises for making them is frankensteinish to say the least. There is the possiblitly of cross cotamination from other species as they culture the viruses in monkey cells, pig cells, bovine fetal cells and chick embryos, and the rubella one which comes from RA273, which is the name that was given to the 16 week gestation girl that they used, the cells are from her lung. I'm pro-life so I have huge issues with this and this alone would rule out MMR, then we would have the issue of single jabs, which I dont' think you can even get here, although I'm happy not to give them anyway. I dont' think the mumps one is needed and I'm not that worried about the boys catching measles either.

So in summary, it's both. I don't think the vaccines provide immunity and if they do then it's poor at the best plus it's not guaranteed as not everyone has an antibody response. I don't agree with how some are manufactured and I don't think they are safe so I'm concerned about the actual vaccines themselves.

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : The title of the thread is lets...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 14:53:27 +0000

Author: cuppatea
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 2:53pm

The title of the thread is lets get debating. Guess I thought it was ok to debate in a lets get debating thread.

BabyKantz I do apologise for picking on your post, I was just so shocked that someone would say that they CBA to look into vaccines when it's such an important decision to make, it effects the health of your child after all.

I think the upset with the other comments was people saying they could live with themselves if their child died from a vaccine reaction but not if they died from a vaccine preventable disease. This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. What is the point of having a vaccine to prevent a disease if the vaccine kills you but then you think that's ok cos you were doing the right thing .

A wrote a load more but deleted it cos I CBA

I don't like marmite or vegemite

I think epi if you need it. I had one for my VBAC but it didn't work properly and then my mw took it away completely as soon as it was time to push. It was great for the hour it did work for though. Tis a funny feeling though, like the feeling when you are numbed at the dentist but for half your body

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Question for those that don't...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 14:17:22 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 2:17pm

Question for those that don't vax, is it the vaccination you don't want/like or the acquired immunity?

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : Flissty wrote: Babe wrote:that...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 14:11:56 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 2:11pm

Flissty wrote:

Babe wrote:

that non-vaxers have more of an all-round view of the risks regarding both vaxing and not.

Not quoting you to get pissy Babe BUT .... I guess I just don't feel that I have to justify my decisions and demonstrate an all-round view of the risks to people that I don't really know! I like that this thread has been about stating your opinion rather than being forced to justify it, particularly on a contentious issue. I just don't feel that getting into too much detail is going to do anything other than prolong the debate and realistically, the two parties are never going to meet in the middle (and hey, there are lots of other vax threads where those discussions have been had!).

Good point, agreed

Lets get debating :insert evil grin here: : never ever wanted an epidural...

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 13:51:49 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 35982
Posted: 02�October�2010 at 1:51pm

never ever wanted an epidural after watching my sister have one and the long protracted labout she went through... has to have one with my emergency c section though and it was the weirdest thing ever!!! And now i still would not want to have another one if had to give birth again. Totally against them - for me!

OHbaby! Forums : Lets get debating :insert evil grin here:

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