OHbaby! Forums : What made you decide - SAHM or work?

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : kiwi2 wrote:Saying its the...

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:17:09 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 23�June�2010 at 11:17am

kiwi2 wrote:

Saying its the hormones its as bad as saying the alcohol did it. If someone is being rude it is cause they are rude don't set the rest of us 50 years in the past by blaming it on hormones.

I don't blame hormones for saying rude things, that's just me. I have found however being pregnant that I'm a lot more sensitive and have found myself upset and overracting to some of the simplest things. For that I do blame hormones.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Amazing timing that this is in...

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:10:39 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 34113
Posted: 23�June�2010 at 11:10am

Amazing timing that this is in the news this morning.....

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/3836644/The-working-parents-dilemma

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Saying its the hormones its as...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:43:40 +0000

Author: kiwi2
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 6:43pm

Saying its the hormones its as bad as saying the alcohol did it. If someone is being rude it is cause they are rude don't set the rest of us 50 years in the past by blaming it on hormones.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Bobbie wrote:You know I don't...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 16:18:03 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 4:18pm

Bobbie wrote:

You know I don't think I've ever read anything on OB which has made me think 'Oh no! That person is an unfit mother that clearly doesn't care about her child'

ooops!!! i do to some extent - but then i have already admited i am a judgmental mum!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Bobbie wrote:You know I don't...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 16:05:06 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 4:05pm

Bobbie wrote:

You know I don't think I've ever read anything on OB which has made me think 'Oh no! That person is an unfit mother that clearly doesn't care about her child'

I just don't understand why, when everyone is doing what they consider best for them and their family why other people need to take it personally and cause conflict.

Surely we all feel guilty enough thanks to the media, inlaws and well meaning but childless friends without having to take shots at each other's choices in here.

FWIW I think you are all doing a great job and raising terrific kids. Surely at the end of the day that's what matters.

Ditto

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Bobbie wrote:You know I don't...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 15:59:29 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 3:59pm

Totally agree & well said

& as for IL's my FIL always asked me when I was going back to work...never mind I worked the weekends & 4 days work to me was worth over $1000 a fortnight so no point for me getting a full time day job & pay for care for 3 kids.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : You know I don't think I've...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 15:26:37 +0000

Author: Bobbie
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 3:26pm

You know I don't think I've ever read anything on OB which has made me think 'Oh no! That person is an unfit mother that clearly doesn't care about her child'

I just don't understand why, when everyone is doing what they consider best for them and their family why other people need to take it personally and cause conflict.

Surely we all feel guilty enough thanks to the media, inlaws and well meaning but childless friends without having to take shots at each other's choices in here.

FWIW I think you are all doing a great job and raising terrific kids. Surely at the end of the day that's what matters.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : LittleBug wrote:Still writing...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 15:21:10 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 3:21pm

LittleBug wrote:

Still writing it Jazzy... I hate sociological imagination! It's due on Friday.

Gosh, this thread got a little out of hand... at least it showed me very well what kind of pressures we put on each other, whether it be that we think being a SAHM or a working mum is best, for whatever reason.

Personally, I don't think there is a right answer. It very much depends on situations, support and personalities.

Thanks for all taking part and showing me very dramatically the kinds of expectations people put on each other

Hope you ace it.

Funny how things get off track but I did enjoy reading peoples views & think there is no wrong option to what one does if it suits them.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Lol LB, I was thinking how this...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 14:57:56 +0000

Author: arohanui
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 2:57pm

Lol LB, I was thinking how this thread is nothing like what you intended it to be!

You are so right about the kids of expectations people put on each other. I think it's ridiculous. What works for me doesn't work for others - we are different people with different jobs and different personalities and different situations. Why try to fit everyone into the same mold?!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Still writing it Jazzy... I hate...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 14:27:04 +0000

Author: LittleBug
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 2:27pm

Still writing it Jazzy... I hate sociological imagination! It's due on Friday.

Gosh, this thread got a little out of hand... at least it showed me very well what kind of pressures we put on each other, whether it be that we think being a SAHM or a working mum is best, for whatever reason.

Personally, I don't think there is a right answer. It very much depends on situations, support and personalities.

Thanks for all taking part and showing me very dramatically the kinds of expectations people put on each other

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : LittleBug wrote:I'm writing...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 12:06:14 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 12:06pm

LittleBug wrote:

I'm writing an essay about the factors that affect a new mother's decision about whether or not they will go back to work, in today's society. I would love to get some feedback from you lovely mummies!

What factors influenced your decision, whether you were a SAHM or not? What kind of pressures were put on you - financial, expectations from friends/family/co-workers, upbringing, etc.?

Any input will be valued. Thanks in advance!

How did your essay go?

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Maybe sometime we should play...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 10:34:42 +0000

Author: SMoody
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 10:34am

Maybe sometime we should play our own version of swapping wife (in this case mother and wife). And have cameras in the two houses (for that week or 2) and steam it online. One week follow the rules of that house and next week you can change it.

Will make some interesting viewing.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I cant remember what the original...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 09:15:29 +0000

Author: My3Sons
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 9:15am

I cant remember what the original question was now lol!

I am lucky in that DH works really hard to be able to provide for our family so I dont have to work and can be at home with the kids. That is a sacrifice in itself being that it means he is gone 12 hours most days and I am basically raising the kids by myself. I have been out of the workforce now for 10 years and that is scary! I have NO idea what I will do with myself when my baby goes to school. I do work part time in that I do the bookwork for our business which fits in easily around the kids. I didnt have a career as such either as I was only 22 when I had my first child and was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Some days I love being a SAHM and other days it does my head in!

I'd like to think most of us are doing what is best for us and our kids and our own situations so who am I to judge? What works for us might not necessarily work for anyone else

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Yup does't everyone know...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 08:13:45 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 8:13am

Yup does't everyone know THE KELLY ! OB institution that lass.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Little_Red wrote: caliandjack...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:29:58 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 22�June�2010 at 12:29am

Little_Red wrote:

caliandjack wrote:

Little_Red wrote:

From a lurker perspective rudeness is flooding in from all angles. Not just NW.

Oh and today at work I chatted about the footy, did some work, played Farmville, worked a bit more, had coffee, played Frontierville (how cool is that game?) and worked some more. Wasn't particularly hard.

*Lurker out.....

Fancy a neighbour?

Sure thing. My name is pretty common but you can probably find me via others on here. Are you friends with Kelly? ("isn't everybody?" I hear her ask )

and yes I think she is ...of course

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Caliandjack, family is best in...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:20:27 +0000

Author: emz
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:20pm

Caliandjack, family is best in your situation - trust me. it's hard having DH in the forces when the kids are young.

I think someone hit the nail on the head for me - I wouldn't have gone working full time if we didn't have a good support network - family to look after the kids sometimes, great close friends (all referred to as aunty and uncle to the kids) and primary carers at daycare. Without that, i would have thought harder about going back to work.

When I think of being a SAHM as not hard, I think of the fact that each task individually is not hard. It doesn't take a rocket scientist and you get a break from 7pm. Some thrive, some go slowly insane til they decide work is best

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Lol aww my bestie says Toof hurty!...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:16:15 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:16pm

Lol aww my bestie says Toof hurty!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : TheKelly wrote:honestly all...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:14:10 +0000

Author: SquishysMum
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:14pm

TheKelly wrote:

honestly all this talk about hard jobs, you know whats hard ?
when you work for an asian dentist , so get lots of asian patients with limited english ringing saying
"I want an appointment, toof hurty "

at least you THINK they mean tooth hurty , but then you realise it could be that they want an appointment at TWO THIRTY

Now thems some tough times !

OMG, I just laughed so hard I breathed in the popcorn...

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : lizzle wrote:My opinion - half...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:12:11 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:12pm

lizzle wrote:

My opinion - half of us don't know eah other in real life, so why on earth do people get so offended by someone THEY DON" T KNOW!!!!

generally if people disagree with me - if i don't knw them, i don't care what they think so much, just like I wouldn't care what they person behind me in the supermarket thinks.

bah

Thats true, we don't know them, they don't know us so who cares what they think.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I agree Bizzy - it was a debate...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:11:28 +0000

Author: monkey33
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:11pm

I agree Bizzy - it was a debate just waiting to happen as it a topic that is very close to everyone's hearts.

Newlywed - I don't see where you have been disrespectful as such, although I think you were quite harsh to misscheeky when she was suggesting ways to get out & about. You did apologise though.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : lizzle wrote:bah is that in...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:09:03 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:09pm

lizzle wrote:

bah

is that in humbug! LOl!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : My opinion - half of us don't...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:03:50 +0000

Author: lizzle
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:03pm

My opinion - half of us don't know eah other in real life, so why on earth do people get so offended by someone THEY DON" T KNOW!!!!

generally if people disagree with me - if i don't knw them, i don't care what they think so much, just like I wouldn't care what they person behind me in the supermarket thinks.

bah

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : newlywed wrote:Honestly I feel...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:37:21 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:37pm

newlywed wrote:

Honestly I feel that I just stated my opinion and defended SAHMs and I don't think I did that disrespectfully. If you can show me an instance I have been disrespectful, I will apologize for it. Otherwise, please don't call me names and tell me to get a grip - that is definitely rude.

i didnt call you a name - i said you are coming across as rude. i also said in the confession thread that i think everyone was on a high horse...so not picking on anyone at all.

it happens every time the sahm/working/solo/part-time etc discussion comes up because there are so many varying opinions on it... and yes hormones do play a part. it would be naive to think it didnt... in fact many a time i have seen people come on here an apologise for something they had said and blame it on hormones.

and there you go - way OT now!! LOL!

I bet the original poster could write many papers on this topic and still not cover everyones points!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : caliandjack wrote: Little_Red...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:37:05 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:37pm

caliandjack wrote:

Fancy a neighbour?

Sure thing. My name is pretty common but you can probably find me via others on here. Are you friends with Kelly? ("isn't everybody?" I hear her ask )

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Yikes ladies! Haven't...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:32:30 +0000

Author: blondy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:32pm

Yikes ladies!

Haven't read through it all, but wanted to add my 2C as someone who is studying fulltime (with DD in fulltime care), and after #2, I'll be back at work fulltime when #2 is about 1 year old. We never considered that I would be a SAHM for more than a year each time (and with DD I worked part time from 12 months, and then fulltime study from 19months). I grew up in a household where both my parents worked and my sister and I were in some sort of care (be it family, daycare, PORSE) from quite young. I don't remember any detrimental effects, and infact we enjoyed things that I know we couldn't have afforded on a single wage.

Of course my personal preference would be for DD to be cared for by family, but as we have none here, she goes to her PORSE carer, who TBH is like a second Mum to her now - something really great for us with no family support. DD has blossomed beyond belief being with other kids and her carer, and I have been so much happier (if insanely busier) working/studying outside of the house.

Yes, I get the guilts from time to time, but I know how happy we all are (generally), so that backs up our decision. Personality does come into it - I would have gone mad being at home with her all this time. I just don't have the creative energy to entertain and look after her fulltime, and I'm not ashamed to admit it This way, our weekends spent together are full of good quality time, where I want to be with her and I still get to have some adult time during the week.

I don't believe that choosing to have children means you have to be a SAHM - I believe I'm still a great Mum, but just a studying/working one....no better or worse than a SAHM, just doing what works for us.

Sorry for the novel

ETA: hope this doesn't start anything up again, but really did want to contribute as someone on the working/studying side of the fence

Edited by blondy

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Little_Red wrote:From a lurker...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:24:44 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:24pm

Fancy a neighbour?

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : HeidisMum wrote:Wow talk about...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:24:16 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:24pm

HeidisMum wrote:

Wow talk about nasty, hormonal women coming from all sides of the fence. Give it a rest now! P.S I despise it when hormones, opinions and being a woman are used as an excuse to gang up & bully!
!

I agree - well said HeidisMum. It seems okay to gang up on someone and call them "rude", but not llike it when they call you out back. Hypocrites much?

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Honestly I feel that I just stated...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:23:16 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:23pm

Honestly I feel that I just stated my opinion and defended SAHMs and I don't think I did that disrespectfully. If you can show me an instance I have been disrespectful, I will apologize for it. Otherwise, please don't call me names and tell me to get a grip - that is definitely rude.

Edited by newlywed

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : ....I thought the rudeness/arguing...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:22:14 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:22pm

....I thought the rudeness/arguing was over ....and can't find the post where it starts up again ....

...im thinking of the confession thread as I write this and im writing it as such

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Little_Red wrote:From a lurker...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:19:53 +0000

Author: BeLoved
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:19pm

Little_Red wrote:

From a lurker perspective rudeness is flooding in from all angles. Not just NW.

*Lurker out.....

Agreed!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : From a lurker perspective rudeness...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:17:23 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:17pm

From a lurker perspective rudeness is flooding in from all angles. Not just NW.

Oh and today at work I chatted about the footy, did some work, played Farmville, worked a bit more, had coffee, played Frontierville (how cool is that game?) and worked some more. Wasn't particularly hard.

*Lurker out.....

Edited by Little_Red

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : honestly all this talk about hard...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:15:39 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:15pm

honestly all this talk about hard jobs, you know whats hard ?
when you work for an asian dentist , so get lots of asian patients with limited english ringing saying
"I want an appointment, toof hurty "

at least you THINK they mean tooth hurty , but then you realise it could be that they want an appointment at TWO THIRTY

Now thems some tough times !

Edited by TheKelly

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Bizzy wrote:and here you have...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:15:18 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:15pm

Bizzy wrote:

and here you have the hormones coming into it, or maybe its just general bitchines!

newlywed get a grip! intentional or not you are coming across as rude!

How?

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Wow talk about nasty, hormonal...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:11:12 +0000

Author: BeLoved
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 9:11pm

Wow talk about nasty, hormonal women coming from all sides of the fence. Give it a rest now! P.S I despise it when hormones, opinions and being a woman are used as an excuse to gang up & bully!

My opinion is I do what I do because its what I think is best for my child. I personally don't want my child to go into daycare if I can help it and I work part time and so far my 18 month old has not been cared for by anyone apart from Nanas, 1 aunty and her Daddy! Thats my choice my opinion and she is my child and I could care less what anyone IRL or on a forum (that some seem to spend way too much time on, I might add) has to say about it!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Yep out an proud. At least I've...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:55:53 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:55pm

Yep out an proud. At least I've admitted it several times now.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : TBH, I think there are a number...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:52:38 +0000

Author: fire_engine
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:52pm

TBH, I think there are a number of people coming across as rude.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : caliandjack wrote:You know...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:50:27 +0000

Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:50pm

caliandjack wrote:

Tell me about it....and then what about workmates that you don't like!!!

At least if I go along to something during the day & I don't like who I meet or what it's like, I don't have to come back

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : fattartsrock wrote: Bizzy...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:50:02 +0000

Author: Guests
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:50pm

fattartsrock wrote:

Bizzy wrote:

and here you have the hormones coming into it, or maybe its just general bitchines!

newlywed get a grip! intentional or not you are coming across as rude!

Agreed.

I agree

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : caliandjack wrote: Someone...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:46:32 +0000

Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:46pm

caliandjack wrote:

Someone posted that children should be raised by their family and this I agree with.
I also think family is more than just Mum and Dad, its Nana, Poppa, Aunties and cousins and many of my friends I'd consider family.

EXACTLY...

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Bizzy wrote:and here you have...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:44:32 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:44pm

Bizzy wrote:

and here you have the hormones coming into it, or maybe its just general bitchines!

newlywed get a grip! intentional or not you are coming across as rude!

Agreed.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : and here you have the hormones...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:30:48 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:30pm

and here you have the hormones coming into it, or maybe its just general bitchines!

newlywed get a grip! intentional or not you are coming across as rude!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : TheKelly wrote:Agree . And...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:28:39 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:28pm

TheKelly wrote:

Agree .

And Id also like to say that a bus driver shook his fist at me just the other day ....so I shook mine back

Go you!!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I don't blame you Fats, there...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:08:43 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:08pm

I don't blame you Fats, there were a lot of people involved ....myself included, sorry it seems that you have been blamed, intentionally or not

And yeah , geez guys, its was the confession thread, not the vent thread , I mean , I know they are both great but ....

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I never once said being a SAHM...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:07:44 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 8:07pm

I never once said being a SAHM parent is easy.
The message I've received is being a parent that works in any capacity is some how detrimental to my child.

Someone posted that children should be raised by their family and this I agree with.
I also think family is more than just Mum and Dad, its Nana, Poppa, Aunties and cousins and many of my friends I'd consider family.

Giving birth might make someone a mother, but it doesn't necessarily make them a parent. At least that's been my experience.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : And, thanks for blaming me!!!!!!!...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:49:31 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:49pm

And, thanks for blaming me!!!!!!!

I took exception at the tone in some of the posts, so I called the poster on them.

I also had my own opinion, one which I didn't expect others to share, but I did know that some would. I didn't expect to be made a parriah over it, though.

Also I didn't take it to the vent thread. I took it to the confession thread and I also said more or less what I said in there in here?

Debate is good.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : caliandjack wrote: Having children...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:34:58 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:34pm

caliandjack wrote:

Having children doesn't automatically make someone an expert on parenting.

But not having children does automatically exclude someone from being an expert....

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : While preg with DD, I had every...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:29:08 +0000

Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:29pm

While preg with DD, I had every intention of going back to work, I LIKED the lifestyle we had become accustomed to... but when I saw DD, and saw how different it could be having a baby (with DS I was isoltaed and had PND, no friends or family, and a useless dad) with people around me who cared... I actually enjoy staying home and playing with DD, and couldnt bear the thought of going back to work just yet. I still have to be up and ready to go by a certain time as my oldest is at school, so in that aspect its no different to a workday. We dont get sick leave that we can use for 'mental sanity' days, and holiday pay... whats that again??... but as I said... I actually ENJOY this... so when we sat down and did the number crunching, I was glad it worked out no different whether I stayed home or went back to work, as it meant I was able to appeal to DPs money worry side

So yeah... the point of the above ramble was that i agree with NW... while you may feel that way now... once you have your baby in your arms... you may realise that your sanity may be better intact staying home so you get to see everything new that your baby does as s/he grows, instead of paying someone else to look after them, thus missing out on those little milestones... or you may still want to go back to work... you wont know until you have those 2 gorgeous little eyes staring back at you pulling on your heartstrings

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : caliandjack wrote: jazzy...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:20:18 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:20pm

caliandjack wrote:

jazzy wrote:

newlywed wrote:

By the way Cali do you have kids or just pregnant? I'm a bit confused by your ticker

She is pg with #1...so maybe she will feel different when she has a child....everything changes then, lol.

I don't get why this is relevant which is why I didn't answer.
Having children doesn't automatically make someone an expert on parenting.

Oddly enough if we stayed in Feilding we could most likely afford for me to be a SAHM, except I'd have no support at all. Moving to Akl I will most likely need to find some part-time work but I will have the support of my family and friends.
I prefer option 2, as being isolated at home and without any friends or family would make being a first time mum tougher IMO.

When you have your baby it might not make you an expert on parenting, but you may feel differently about whether being a SAHM is easy...

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : freckle wrote:CJ - I think...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:07:23 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:07pm

freckle wrote:

CJ - I think you've made the right decision - being a SAHM with no support from family or friends would be tough going I reckon

I agree if you are going to go & get a job when you are ready after baby is born good on you....my only point is when you hold a new baby for the first time plans change....do what is best for you...after all we all do

Edited by jazzy

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : caliandjack wrote: jazzy...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:03:44 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:03pm

caliandjack wrote:

jazzy wrote:

newlywed wrote:

By the way Cali do you have kids or just pregnant? I'm a bit confused by your ticker

She is pg with #1...so maybe she will feel different when she has a child....everything changes then, lol.

I don't get why this is relevant which is why I didn't answer.
Having children doesn't automatically make someone an expert on parenting.

It does help tho...especially when talking about being a SAHM or going back to work a I have done both & as I have said people should do what is best for them

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I don't think it had anything...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:03:03 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:03pm

I don't think it had anything to do with hormones - I thought it was a pretty good debate. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing about a subject - as I've said before it's healthy and makes for good reading.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Lol Bizzy....so true. In regards...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:00:53 +0000

Author: Jaxnz1
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 7:00pm

Lol Bizzy....so true.

In regards to comparing whether being a SAHM is 'easier' or not compared to work. I would have to say in my experience they're about equal. For me, sitting on the floor with my DD playing is 'easy'. Trying to get her to sleep when she's screaming is not.
Sitting at a desk sipping coffee and gossiping about the weekend is 'easy'. Talking to grumpy customers who are screaming down the phone to you is not. As a SAHM I'm on call 24/7, even when I'm not around DD I'm thinking about her and if she's ok. At work I could leave my desk at 5pm and forget about the day.

I agree that it's all about people's personalities. While I enjoy doing things with DD, the coffee groups etc just really isn't me, even though I go to anything I'm invited to (more for my sanity than anything). I'm not good at staying at home, I need the mental stimulation, which results in an even happier Mum.

Having said all that, I might be back at work a week and decide it's not for me! BUt that would also mean we couldn't move to a bigger house, which would mean we would have to put #2 in DD's room......not ideal.
At the end of the day we all have to do what's best for our family, and every family's situations (and beliefs) are different.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : CJ - I think you've made...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:54:58 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 6:54pm

CJ - I think you've made the right decision - being a SAHM with no support from family or friends would be tough going I reckon

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : jazzy wrote: newlywed wrote:By...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:48:18 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 6:48pm

jazzy wrote:

newlywed wrote:

By the way Cali do you have kids or just pregnant? I'm a bit confused by your ticker

She is pg with #1...so maybe she will feel different when she has a child....everything changes then, lol.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Agree . And Id also like to say...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:36:25 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 6:36pm

Agree .

And Id also like to say that a bus driver shook his fist at me just the other day ....so I shook mine back

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : jazzy wrote:I don't get...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:30:36 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 6:30pm

jazzy wrote:

I don't get why this turned in to a debate.

it turned into a debate because we are all human beings who like to push our ideas onto others and we are women, half of whom are hormonal with pregnancy, or post pregnancy, or periods coming or going and because we love to take things the wrong way and get up in arms about it!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Newlywed - I thought going by...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:19:31 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 6:19pm

Newlywed - I thought going by recent threads lots of people find the transition from working to SAHM a challenge - I didn't think people were scared to say that - I thought lots had? I agree with Bobby in that I think it comes down to personality. I have found being a SAHM easy but I guess I'm comparing it to when I was on my own working FT with number one... plus I'm a fairly relaxed person and I don't worry if things don't get done... and I love that I don't have to be anywhere at a certain time and can work around our own schedule....

Jazzy so agree that things can change so much when you have kids... my original intention before No.2 arrived was to go back to work after 6 months... but I just couldn't do it oooo and well done on the weight loss!!

oh and I hate buses too

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : missindecisive wrote:I think...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:50:20 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 5:50pm

missindecisive wrote:

I think it became a debate because Fattarts brought it into the vent thread thats when some of the girls got their back up.

For me I wouldnt have a clue what we are going to do because what we think is right for us now might not be right when we are finally parents!

ETA - PS/ Jazz 17kgs!!! Well done that is awesome!!!

I have not been in the vent one for awhile...so now I get it, lol......typical

Totally agree on the waiting till you are parents to decide as it all changes when you hold them in your arms

I am following in your weight loss foot steps ha ha....bet you get utd soon...that's how DS3 came along so soon (weight loss)...not that I am trying for any more now, lol

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I think it became a debate because...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:43:29 +0000

Author: IVFGirl1111
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 5:43pm

I think it became a debate because Fattarts brought it into the vent thread thats when some of the girls got their back up.

For me I wouldnt have a clue what we are going to do because what we think is right for us now might not be right when we are finally parents!

ETA - PS/ Jazz 17kgs!!! Well done that is awesome!!!

Edited by missindecisive

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : newlywed wrote:By the way Cali...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:40:41 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 5:40pm

newlywed wrote:

By the way Cali do you have kids or just pregnant? I'm a bit confused by your ticker

She is pg with #1...so maybe she will feel different when she has a child....everything changes then, lol.

I don't get why this turned in to a debate at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you & your family.

I was working full time prior to DS1 & I worked after house so when he was born I was lucky enough to go back part time, so I worked the weekends & was a SAHM during the week.

DH looked after him in the weekends. I was made redundant 2yrs ago & have applied & got other jobs but it has not been in the best interest of our family for me to work yet & will reassess it when DS3 goes to school next yr, all tho DH would be happy if I stayed home & not went to work.

It has worked out well for us & DH has coped with 3 kids in the weekends but now it is nice to have the weekends together as a family.

I can not see the point in doing either (SAHM or work) if you are not happy with it.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I don't live near train station...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:09:15 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 5:09pm

I don't live near train station either!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I like trains but not buses. Gee...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:04:42 +0000

Author: Nutella
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 5:04pm

I like trains but not buses.

Gee isn't that interesting...do you think anyone cares about my preference lol! I am very random

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I don't mind the bus but...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:01:17 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 5:01pm

I don't mind the bus but not with a baby. Love the train but don't live near a station otherwise I'd use it.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I love the bus haha train too!!!...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:59:21 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 4:59pm

I love the bus haha train too!!! I make excuses to go on either

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I'm about to practice going...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:44:53 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 4:44pm

I'm about to practice going on the bus, it terrifies me because there are some crazy drivers out there that I have experienced. But it's the only way, other than walking for me to get around.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Oh sorry, it did sound like you...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:34:53 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 4:34pm

Oh sorry, it did sound like you were trying to have a go but in that case I apologize.

But I did find it amusing anyway - was beginning to wonder if you had Stagecoach shares lol

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I was , as Peanut said, just...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:31:10 +0000

Author: Guests
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 4:31pm

I was , as Peanut said, just trying to help.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : newlywed wrote:I am not - I...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:22:28 +0000

Author: Peanut
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 4:22pm

newlywed wrote:

I am not - I love to be out and about and I need time for myself and I rarely get it. I desperately need to be out with people, whereas others are fine with their kids and a computer forum for company. We are all different. So what is easy for some, is a huge sacrifice for others. For me, being a SAHM is really tough. As I have mentioned in another forum - it's required a lot of sacrifice of my own life, my interests and my time. It now revolves around my baby and it's been incredibly hard. When I compare it to working - it's definitely harder. But the rewards are definitely there - I love being with my baby and not missing out on anything, and I do it for him.

One thing I will say, though, is that to suggest that being a SAHM is easy so minimises what a mother is and what a mother does. Sure, if you want to do the bear minimum and not really interact much with your kids, have a messy house and stay in your PJs all day, then it could be easy. But if you really want the best for your kids, it requires work. My role involves thinking hard and preparing his nutritional needs, spending time with him, finding ways to stimulate his brain and educate him in his development, providing him with social interaction and new experiences, caring for every single one of his needs, keeping a house clean and tidy and providing a home for me, my husband and my son. The sacrifices I have made to do that makes ME angry for someone to suggest that it is easy.

I think she is just trying to help as you said above that you love going out etc. Its not meant to be a side issue but just someone trying to help.

I also love going out and still do as my kids fit in fine and we do all sorts of things. What are your interests? Are any of them child friendly? As much as I know how good it is to get away from your baby from time to time, my boys often do things I like. We do the Mums and Bubs movies, they love going to lunches as they get to run riot with their wee friends while the Mums talk etc.

Edited for spelling.

Edited by Peanut

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : By the way Cali do you have kids...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 15:49:54 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 3:49pm

By the way Cali do you have kids or just pregnant? I'm a bit confused by your ticker

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Miss Cheeky.... are you the marketing...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 15:48:59 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 3:48pm

Miss Cheeky.... are you the marketing director for Stagecoach or something? I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE BUS. I DO go out. I juggle the car with my husband and we juggle his schedule with mine. It's difficult, but we make it work. When I'm able and weather-permitting I walk some places with the buggy. And my buggy has a waterproof covering but it doesn't make it waterproof -it drips through onto Nathan's head.

I'm not quite sure why you are so adamant that I take the bus lol or this focus on my going out - I can take care of myself, thanks and it's a side issue.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : newlywed wrote:Miss Cheeky,...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 15:02:27 +0000

Author: Guests
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 3:02pm

newlywed wrote:

Miss Cheeky, thanks but my buggy isn't waterproof unfortunately and I'm not going to subject my baby to walking in the rain to the bustop and then standing and waiting for the bus, then having to put the buggy into the side of the bus while hauling my baby into a bus without a car seat/seat belted in - while the whole bus watches me and the bus driver waits impatiently.

Perhaps that's your solution but it's not mine - thanks anyway.

You can take the buggy on the bus these days, and you can get raincovers for buggies.
You've made some excuses for not going out, prehaps you just don't want to.
I don't mean that in a nasty way either

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Oh yeah LB - another major factor...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:46:45 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 2:46pm

Oh yeah LB - another major factor that would affect me going back to work is where we live. Theres no childcare here firstly and secondly its far enough out of the way that the cost of travel alone would be totally disproportionate to what I could earn. It was costing my DP over $120 p/wk in diesel before we got the bike (now $30 p/wk petrol ).

Wasn't there a SAH v working mum debate in another recent thread? Or was that daycare? I have areas I love and areas I hate about being a SAHP but when I was working the same applied IYKWIM.
I personally would love a couple of clones -
1 to BF (hating that ATM what a blardy struggle!!!!!),
1 to change nappies (hello solids ROFL),
1 to amuse the toddler while I watch trashy daytime tv or stalk OB ,
1 to do the housework (or maybe 3 coz one of me hasn't been cutting it so far ),
1 to workout (so long as I end up with the hot booty!),
1 to go to work so I can do some ridiculousky irresponsible shopping (shoooooooeeees...),
and hmmm oh yeah a mini-army to deal with all the inlaws and outlaws who just love to pester!!!!
:sigh: am gonna go eat chocolate and sadly sing the 'wouldn't it be nice' song...

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Its interesting to see how times...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:44:34 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 2:44pm

Its interesting to see how times have changed, my brother and I had our own keys to get into the house when we got home after school and mum didn't get home till after 4. It would be considered neglect these days to leave school kids unsupervised at home.

The old SAHM vs Working Mum is always going be be up for debate, not sure how helpful this has been to the OP.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I havent read this whole thread...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:39:46 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 2:39pm

I havent read this whole thread - but I stay at home, because we BOTH thought it was important for DS to have a parent at home for the first few years at least. Both of us had working mothers and have strong memories of being shipped around to neighbours etc after school. We worked damn hard for many years to be able to afford for me to stay at home. I completely understand that I am lucky to be able to stay at home, but TBH I have earnt it to a certain extent.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Gotta run and pick up my niece...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:31:35 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 2:31pm

Gotta run and pick up my niece from school but just to say that a good healthy debate is good for ironing out some issues and considering ideas and challenging things that you feel strongly about. I tend to speak up if I do feel strongly about something and so long as we can stay respectful of each other I believe it can be a good thing. And an interesting read!

Helps your brain not to go rusty too

Edited by newlywed

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : debate Deb ? whatever made you...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:12:33 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 2:12pm

debate Deb ? whatever made you think that ?

I became a SAHM because I wanted to , and because DH earns enough for me to stay home with the kids .

I have nothing against kids being in Daycare, and most DC kids I know , including the daughter of my friend who died when her baby was 3 weeks , are incredibly well adjusted , confident kids I know....DH was brought up with his mum at home tho, so he preferred we do it that way too , and I didn't like my job much , so I was happy to oblige

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : LittleBug wrote:I'm writing...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:08:43 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 2:08pm

well to answer your question - and to not get bogged down in what i assume has become a debate of some sorts - i became a SAHM cause i wanted to. i didnt see the point of not staying at home. in fact i am pretty sure i had kids so i could stay at home... (mind you some days i wish i could go back to work and not have kids but that is just when i am having a moment!) i was earning more than my husband but i had supported him in something he wanted to do previously and we certainly had enough money to provide what we needed. we arent rich by any means but we manage. i am of course one of those horrid self righteous mothers who think staying at home for at least the first year of their babies life is the best thing for baby, but its nothing to me if you dont either! I dont understand it but i am pretty sure that there are lots of people who dont understand some of my parenting choices either or agree with them.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Cali - I can totally imagine....

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:51:55 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 1:51pm

Cali - I can totally imagine. I personally prefer to be at home with my baby not because it's EASIER but because I enjoy it more.

Please read my other comment in the confessions thread...

xo

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : You know going to work isn't...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:50:36 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 1:50pm

You know going to work isn't always a picnic either, some days its boring, monotonous, you get sh*t*y customers, demanding managers and feel like your doing the same sh*te every day. Some days its only the pay check at the end that keeps me going.
I've still got house work to do when I get home, and my baby to care for. I also have a husband who is often away with work for extended periods of time, and having to manage on my own.

I love being a mother and I love work if I didn't I wouldn't do either.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I have to be honest, I do have...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:44:36 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 1:44pm

I have to be honest, I do have an opinion about working when your babies are young, eg. under the age of 2yo. But it's my personal opinion based on what research has said about social attachment and what's best for babies. There are ways around it, eg. getting a caregiver at daycare that always cares for your child, or going to PORSE or having a family member care for them etc.

I DON'T think any less of working mothers because what an enormous juggle it must be! Personally, I would find that being a working mother would give me a break from groundhog day, some adult company and time to use my brain intelligently and feel rewarded for my skills as well as some finances. So it's a sacrifice for me. However, I can appreciate coming home to a baby and housework after a hard day's work must also be difficult.

I DON'T have a chip on my shoulder, I just really didn't appreciate your criticism of mothers that found motherhood difficult (generally) or being a SAHM difficult. Because there ARE difficulties about it... and as I've said before, mums need to feel free to voice these and know that it's normal to feel like that, and to have it acknowledged that it is a hard job. Your disputing that I believe minimises a mother's job. Rather than a chip on my shoulder - I just have a strong view about it and felt the need to speak up especially for those that feel differently but don't want to be criticized.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Honestly Newlywed, I think you...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:30:11 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 1:30pm

Honestly Newlywed, I think you have a chip on your shoulder. Yes, i AM picking on you because your posts, and the ones I read before I waded in with my two cents worth are very "high horse" sounding and I get the feeling you don't hold mothers who use daycare in any way shape or form in high regard. I Get the feeling that you think you are right and that's the end of it, no other opinion holds any ground.
Believe it or not EVERY mother makes sacrifces and loses themselves when they have a child. EVERY mother. How they deal with it is as unique as ther person themselves.
I appreciate, like i have said before that everyone is entitled to their opinions. I don't think mine is the only opinion that is right because as we have read in this and other threads some agree with some of what I have said and others don't, and thats fine. Some mothers find it easy and others don't but I don't think its fair to assume that all find it hard and if they don't they aren't doing it right, or are too scared to say so because of ME.
I have suffered depression my whole life, including 2 attempts on my own life in my mid 20's so believe me, I now about ground hog day and sacrifice and needing to get away/sanity time and all that. I didn't have PND with either childm however I was also acutely aware of not falling into ruts and keeping myself busy. Life is as easy or hard as you make it. Thanks to all the counselling I have had, I truely believe you are the driver of your own destiny. If you believe life to be too hard, then it will be and there will always be obsticles.
I stand by what I have said. I am sorry if I have offended people because I have said it as I see it.
And yes, my children are older, but older dosen't mean easier, it means busier. I am organised and have a sort of routine going so we don't stress ourselves out.
When they were younger, one had bad reflux and the other was very sick under a paed, so I haven't had an easy ride, however I do think that recognising early on that I needed to have myself (not the kids) in some kind of routine/rhythm, then it was easier. Such as housework tusdays, cook for the week sunday arfternoons, groceries wednesdays and so on so forth.

I'm out.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Are working mothers not mothers...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:29:43 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 1:29pm

Are working mothers not mothers too?

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : T_Rex wrote: I am only going...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:10:17 +0000

Author: HuntersMama
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 1:10pm

T_Rex wrote:

I am only going bacj 3 days in 2 weeks time, and probably 4 days next year. DD is going into the daycare atwork less than 5 mins walk from my office so I'll still BF her and visit several times a day. DH works nearby too so will also visit her.

.

Same here. Ill be at work 3 days when DS is 6 months old and he will be a few minutes from me. I can literally look out my window and see the daycare. In an ideal world it would be great to stay home with him for the next year or two but bills need to be paid. Being a young couple with a mortgage we just cannot afford to live on one wage.

Im fine with my decision and am looking forward to more structure to my week. If it didnt suit DS for some reason we would look at other options.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I'm my own crowd

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:57:50 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:57pm

I'm my own crowd

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Peanut - thanks... I do my best...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:55:03 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:55pm

Peanut - thanks... I do my best with what I have and have worked really hard to find ways of going out and getting time to myself but it's been hard and is still a battle because of my circumstances. I'm just saying that we need to appreciate that everyone's circumstances are different and it's a battle for some people to take care of themselves.

Gotta run for a while - hubby/baby calling me...argh!

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Thanks Babe for sharing. I do...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:53:29 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:53pm

Thanks Babe for sharing. I do feel (judging from the PMs I've got) that people do feel differently but are afraid to go against the crowd.... women can be a bit clicky sometimes and that can silence people who feel differently and actually need to have the freedom to say how they feel and receive support.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Newlywed, not to have a crack...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:52:40 +0000

Author: Peanut
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:52pm

Newlywed, not to have a crack at you but being at SAHM is what you make it and I do wonder if you are making it harder on yourself by not going out? I am lucky in that I do have a car but TBH my children basically work around me. I still go out everyday. I meet people for lunch twice a week - we usually just have soup and toast at someones house, I meet another friend twice a week for walks round the park etc. Do you do anything like that?

My house is always clean and tidy, I bake and cook and wash etc and look after my kids as well as going out all the time. I guess that is my personality to a degree.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : newlywed wrote:You might be...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:49:53 +0000

Author: Babe
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:49pm

newlywed wrote:

You might be entitled to your opinion Fattarts, but honestly, I don't think it's ok to criticize others for "banging on how hard it is." These forums provide a kind of support for people and many many people find motherhood a huge adjustment and being able to talk about it with others especially annonymously in a forum like this is incredibly helpful to many people. I don't think that they should feel that they are not able to say anything about how hard they find it for fear of being judged by someone such as yourself who apparently finds it "easy" and such complaints as "annoying."

I am not judging you about what you do/don't do as a mother or in what way you believe yourself to be lazy. Please don't misunderstand me. I am only saying that I believe being a parent - being a stay-at-home mother is a hard, thankless job and I think that motherhood/parenthood is the most important job in the world and requires hard work and sacrifice and definitely mothers should be recognized for that and invited to say exactly how they feel about their role - including that it is difficult for them when it is. Again - without fear of being judged by others.

Ditto. I chose to be a SAHM, it suits my homebody personality, etc but I have found it really really hard sometimes. This isn't the first thread where there have been putdowns on SAHMs who don't think its a piece of piss and its just as hard if not harder than working out of the home. I know I'm starting to feel quite uncomfortable about saying anything when I'm having a rough day.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Miss Cheeky, thanks but my buggy...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:44:13 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:44pm

Miss Cheeky, thanks but my buggy isn't waterproof unfortunately and I'm not going to subject my baby to walking in the rain to the bustop and then standing and waiting for the bus, then having to put the buggy into the side of the bus while hauling my baby into a bus without a car seat/seat belted in - while the whole bus watches me and the bus driver waits impatiently.

Perhaps that's your solution but it's not mine - thanks anyway.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Newlywed in reply to your post...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:23:45 +0000

Author: Guests
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:23pm

Newlywed in reply to your post in the confession thread, I don't drive at all and I get out heaps. Theres buses and trains and if you have a buggy you can walk. We are more likely to go visit people than they are to come to us. And DD loves the train.
Most of the time its a mental thing to get up your motivation to get out of the house especially when its raining.
Being " stuck at home'' would totally do my head in ( and does if its bucketed down all week)
Maybe check out the public transport where you live hun

Edited by misscheeky

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Bobbie wrote:I guess it depends...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:13:25 +0000

Author: tishy
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:13pm

Bobbie wrote:

I guess it depends a lot on personality. Like my preference is for work. I miss the interaction and the adult stimulus and while my job was very much a 'think on your feet' type of environment I found it easier than the SAHM environment.

So for me being a SAHM is hard but that's because the mental thing is so hard for me and definitely not the day to day physical stuff. I notice that a lot with other PND suffers too so maybe that's the issue.

I haven't read the rest of this thread but ditto to this.
I think it really does depend on the person.
My job involves a lot of mental stimulation. I struggled when I became a SAHM as to be honest it felt a lot like groundhog day for me.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : fattartsrock - I notice your kids...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:02:24 +0000

Author: IVFGirl1111
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 12:02pm

fattartsrock - I notice your kids are quite a bit older now, did you find it "harder" when they were younger??

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : You might be entitled to your...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 11:42:46 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 11:42am

You might be entitled to your opinion Fattarts, but honestly, I don't think it's ok to criticize others for "banging on how hard it is." These forums provide a kind of support for people and many many people find motherhood a huge adjustment and being able to talk about it with others especially annonymously in a forum like this is incredibly helpful to many people. I don't think that they should feel that they are not able to say anything about how hard they find it for fear of being judged by someone such as yourself who apparently finds it "easy" and such complaints as "annoying."

I am not judging you about what you do/don't do as a mother or in what way you believe yourself to be lazy. Please don't misunderstand me. I am only saying that I believe being a parent - being a stay-at-home mother is a hard, thankless job and I think that motherhood/parenthood is the most important job in the world and requires hard work and sacrifice and definitely mothers should be recognized for that and invited to say exactly how they feel about their role - including that it is difficult for them when it is. Again - without fear of being judged by others.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I certainly don't spend the...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 11:30:35 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 11:30am

I certainly don't spend the day doing the minimum or ignoring my kids and I get up early each day so I can shower and dress and be ready to greet the day when the kids get up.
I am fully involved with the school and pre school, on the boards, parent helping etc as well as doing volunteer work.
When I say lazy I mean lazy as in I don't actually want to work any more, not that I am a sloth and do nothing full stop. I have mentioned this before.

I say easy because apart from the school drop off and pickups (and its not just drop and run, its go in, sit in class for 20 mins before bell rings and do reading, numbers, high frequency words etc with him) the day and how it goes is largly dictated by me. If we (me and miss 3) want to have lunch at 11am we can. And if it takes 2 hours, then so be it. If we want to go to the park instead of something else we will. Easier in the fact I am answerable to no one (well, except maybe the children and my hubby, but I am "the boss" of the house) and not dictated by lunch and morning tea rosters, no targets to meet, no clients to deal with when I have PMT and can't face being nice and bum lickery, The house and day runs how I want it to and thats the easy part. Things can be as easy or hard as I make it.
Anyhow, not the purpose of the original thread starter, this argument, I am just once again, stating that I'm not actually lazy lazy, and that I just don't think being a SAHM is that hard. And I don't think you get a medal for doing it, so no point in banging on and on about how hard it is. You do it because thats what you think is best for you and your family, and there are many great rewards that surpass monetry reward.
I appreciate that each to their own and we all have differing opinions, and I respect that.
No one of us is better than the other because we have "sacrificed more" or percieve we have or do, no one knows the sacrifices some make to be a SAHM, some choose to do it without complaint.
and No one of us is better than the other because we stay at home or because we work or becasue we find it easy or not. At the end of the day we all do what ever we do for our own reasons.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : It frustrates me when people compare...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 11:09:21 +0000

Author: anon
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 11:09am

It frustrates me when people compare work and looking after kids at home and which is easier. My husband and I have this fight all the time because he is stressed out in his job and wonders why I ask for help at times etc.

There are pros and cons with staying at home, and pros and cons with going to work. For some people, going to work is easier. For others, staying at home is easier. I agree with Bobby, it has a lot to do with personality. I actually think my husband would love it. He is a home-body and loves being at home. I am not - I love to be out and about and I need time for myself and I rarely get it. I desperately need to be out with people, whereas others are fine with their kids and a computer forum for company. We are all different. So what is easy for some, is a huge sacrifice for others. For me, being a SAHM is really tough. As I have mentioned in another forum - it's required a lot of sacrifice of my own life, my interests and my time. It now revolves around my baby and it's been incredibly hard. When I compare it to working - it's definitely harder. But the rewards are definitely there - I love being with my baby and not missing out on anything, and I do it for him.

One thing I will say, though, is that to suggest that being a SAHM is easy so minimises what a mother is and what a mother does. Sure, if you want to do the bear minimum and not really interact much with your kids, have a messy house and stay in your PJs all day, then it could be easy. But if you really want the best for your kids, it requires work. My role involves thinking hard and preparing his nutritional needs, spending time with him, finding ways to stimulate his brain and educate him in his development, providing him with social interaction and new experiences, caring for every single one of his needs, keeping a house clean and tidy and providing a home for me, my husband and my son. The sacrifices I have made to do that makes ME angry for someone to suggest that it is easy.

Edited by newlywed

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I find working outside the home,...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 10:46:48 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:46am

I find working outside the home, much much easier than wrangling two kids .. two days over the weekend is enough to make me yearn for Mondays where I can work in peace.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : I guess it depends a lot on personality....

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 10:43:29 +0000

Author: Bobbie
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:43am

I guess it depends a lot on personality. Like my preference is for work. I miss the interaction and the adult stimulus and while my job was very much a 'think on your feet' type of environment I found it easier than the SAHM environment.

So for me being a SAHM is hard but that's because the mental thing is so hard for me and definitely not the day to day physical stuff. I notice that a lot with other PND suffers too so maybe that's the issue.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : Im with you Emz, I find being...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 10:37:35 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 34113
Posted: 21�June�2010 at 10:37am

Im with you Emz, I find being at home easier. I feel inward groans when folk kick off about how hard it is. Seriously. Its not THAT hard.
Mentally, sure it is, but really. Its not THAT hard.
And no pressures here either, with people or money, like i said in my first post in this thread, I've only stayed at home cos i'm lazy and over working full time!

Edited by fattartsrock

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : crafty1 wrote: I see where...

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 23:13:31 +0000

Author: emz
Subject: 34113
Posted: 20�June�2010 at 11:13pm

crafty1 wrote:

I see where you are coming from with this emz, but tbh i found being at work a lot easier than being at home in terms of time pressures etc. Maybe cos at work you can set your own schedule but kids have a certain way of mucking up your plans!! so say you're meeting a friend and their kids at a specific time, or going to a music thing/gym etc, you have to be roughly on time and getting children there is like herding cats. That really stresses me out cos i'm anal about being punctual. haha my own fault. Work is a pieces of piss. Go in, sit at desk, turn on computer, get cup of tea, drink it, check email - ALL UNINTERRUPTED.

Try being a teacher! You have 30 kids pestering you all day and have to work to strict deadlines - a lot more stressful than being at home!

I find being at home a lot easier TBH, we never cut back on anything because we always had the bare minimum, living off bread for a week at a time if we had to. Going back to work was the only option to get ahead, and to begin my career. As it is, taking 2 years out has been way too long, and if I had my time again, I would have gone back when DS was 6 months and held off having another kid.

And yes, the way Kelly interpreted my post is what I was meaning.

I've done being a fulltime SAHM, SAHM while working parttime, and fulltime working parent, all while not having DH round most of the time and I would still choose working parent any day (obviously personal preference, which is what this thread is about). In fact my DH is heading away for 2-4 months at the start of July and I'm busy applying for an extra 10-20 hours work and it doesn't phase me in the slightest that I'll have to juggle that.

What made you decide - SAHM or work? : My friend is a nanny and she says...

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 22:24:01 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 34113
Posted: 20�June�2010 at 10:24pm

My friend is a nanny and she says when she has her own children , she is DEFINETLY going to be a SAHM .

And I took what Emz was saying to be more to do with household chores, eg for most SAHMs, you don't have to do the washing at exactly 11:14 am , you can do them at 11:20 ...unless you have to be somewhere , and there are some mums that do .
And yeah , I did see heaps of SAHMs hanging round the school gate nattering with no plans of leaving quickly , again , not every SAHM , I know I don't do it , but there are those that do , before going on to their busy day doing household chores and looking after the other children of course