OHbaby! Forums : Absolutley Shattered. https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 14 May 2026 14:13:19 +0000 Tue, 06 Apr 2010 16:22:22 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 11.10 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=32649 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : You sound very brave. Must be...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=989130&title=absolutley-shattered#989130 Author: Bobbie
Subject: 32649
Posted: 06 April 2010 at 4:22pm

You sound very brave. Must be a horrible scary thing to go through.]]> Tue, 06 Apr 2010 16:22:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=989130&title=absolutley-shattered#989130 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : I have a slightidea of what your...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=989075&title=absolutley-shattered#989075 Author: julz85
Subject: 32649
Posted: 06 April 2010 at 3:20pm

I have a slight idea of what your going through but certinly not to this extent . its awful , just want to send you huge , there is always a light at the end of a tunnel even if it doesnt look that way at the moment , chin up hun . ]]> Tue, 06 Apr 2010 15:20:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=989075&title=absolutley-shattered#989075 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : you are a great mum, Kia kaha ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=989049&title=absolutley-shattered#989049 Author: LJsmum
Subject: 32649
Posted: 06 April 2010 at 2:54pm

you are a great mum, Kia kaha]]> Tue, 06 Apr 2010 14:54:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=989049&title=absolutley-shattered#989049 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Thinking of you Kandice, you are...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=988578&title=absolutley-shattered#988578 Author: Jessica
Subject: 32649
Posted: 05 April 2010 at 10:59pm

Thinking of you Kandice, you are an awesome mum to your beautiful wee girl Kylah. Keep being the great mum that you are]]> Mon, 05 Apr 2010 22:59:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=988578&title=absolutley-shattered#988578 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : I just wanted to say GBH No advise...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=988502&title=absolutley-shattered#988502 Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 32649
Posted: 05 April 2010 at 8:49pm

I just wanted to say GBH

No advise for you having never been there.

]]> Mon, 05 Apr 2010 20:49:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=988502&title=absolutley-shattered#988502 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Good luck Kandice, things will...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987835&title=absolutley-shattered#987835 Author: ?Lolly?
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 9:46pm

Good luck Kandice, things will get better. I know it's hard to believe that right in the middle of the heart ache, but it does get better. And your little girl would rather be from a broken home than live in one (~Dr Phil) ]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 21:46:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987835&title=absolutley-shattered#987835 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : There are definately no safety...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987734&title=absolutley-shattered#987734 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 7:26pm

There are definately no safety issues. I just dont want to loose Kylah. I feel like I have lost everything else and that would just kill me.

I dont think he would take her, but then again there have been a few things i never thought he would do.

I am trying so hard to keep on at this because i know its the best thing for me and Kylah, its just so hard!

Thank you everyone for your support. You are amazing.]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 19:26:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987734&title=absolutley-shattered#987734 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Firstly, sorry it hasn&#039;t...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987554&title=absolutley-shattered#987554 Author: emz
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 2:21pm

Firstly, sorry it hasn't worked Kandice, I know you've tried so hard for so long

Secondly, if you fear he's going to take her then don't hesitate calling the courts or the police to get an emergency order in place - they can often do it regardless of public holidays/weekends.

Secondly, get yourself a lawyer (CAB can provide cheap ones). You require a parenting order (just an interim one will get you through the next few months til things settle down) that state that he can't take her, and set times that he can see her if that's an option. You will then go for a full parenting order to be put in place down the track.

If you have issues with shared property (and I'm guessing you would have shared property as you've been together for the required period of time) and he is being unreasonable, you can also get a lawyer to draft a separation and relationship property agreement.

Good luck hun, let me know if there's anything I can do or if you want me to ask one of the lawyers at work about something for you ]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 14:21:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987554&title=absolutley-shattered#987554 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : As other people have said, until...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987550&title=absolutley-shattered#987550 Author: ?Lolly?
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 2:14pm

As other people have said, until you have a Parenting Order in place there is nothing stopping him from taking her and not giving her back. As stated, ring a lawyer first thing on Tuesday and start the ball rolling asap. You should easily qualify for Legal Aid so don't worry about that at all, your lawyer can sort that part out. If you were in AkL I could suggest some good places, so perhaps call your local Citizen's advice bureau, they will most definitely be able to point you in the right direction. What your lawyer will be able to provide you with is a 'Parenting Order' This can be obtained with or with out notice to your ex partner, depending on your situation. If he is abusive and you are at risk from him then you can also obtain a protection order. The best thing would be to talk to a lawyer and get it all sorted out in court. You can never be too careful. Good luck, and I hope that he can keep things civil for your girls sake.

((hugs))]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 14:14:23 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987550&title=absolutley-shattered#987550 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : There are two orders that you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987524&title=absolutley-shattered#987524 Author: anon
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 1:40pm

There are two orders that you can arrange. One is a Protection Order which means that when you ask him to leave your property he must leave straight away - this is something you should do if you fear for your safety or the safety of your child.

There's another Order called the Family Order - or it might be called the Parent Order (I can't remember). This means that your husband/partner (ex) can't take the baby away from you. It's not a custody thing, it's just that if you don't have this in place, by law, he could take the baby and not bring her back and there is nothing you can do about it. The police are not legally able to take the baby back to you as a mother. I have heard of a case where that happened and the mother's milk dried up so she was not able to breastfeed when she got her baby back - I could not imagine something so awful as having your baby taken from you. If that's a possibility, you must be terrified! I urge you to get support ASAP.

I actually run a social and support group for single parents. The website I'll give you also has a link to the Facebook page. On the Facebook page (group) if you click on "Discussions" it will give you a list of resources. Those resources are amazing for a single parent. Actually I'll just add the list of resources link below underneath the website. You're welcome to look at both. There's loads of support out there, it's just a matter of reaching out. You are not alone!!!

www.singlelatte.webgarden.com

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=133035500732&topic=9695]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 13:40:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987524&title=absolutley-shattered#987524 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987423&title=absolutley-shattered#987423 Author: DaisyAngel
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 9:45am

]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 09:45:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987423&title=absolutley-shattered#987423 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : To you Kandice, and given what...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987404&title=absolutley-shattered#987404 Author: caliandjack
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 9:27am

To you Kandice, and given what you have written over the last few years, you have tried so hard to make this relationship work. You both have a beautiful daughter together I guess if you are both focused on her welfare then you'll get through it and at least be able to be parents.

Would he really take her? Or is he simply hurting as well, men tend to threaten when they are.

I watched my brother and SIL go through a pretty messy separation and divorce, through out it all the kids came first and they're doing great, and they still have a mum and dad who love them dearly.

Wishing you lots of love, you will get through this, you seem a pretty strong woman.]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 09:27:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987404&title=absolutley-shattered#987404 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Have a look at the Family Courts...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987379&title=absolutley-shattered#987379 Author: jaz
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 8:53am

Have a look at the Family Courts website, there is heaps of information on there and some booklets you can download and read.

Have you discussed visiting arrangements yet? This is probably a good start. You may find you are both agreeable about what you both want and can either have an informal agreement or a parenting agreement that just formalises what you have both agreed on. ]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 08:53:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987379&title=absolutley-shattered#987379 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : firstly hugs!!!! secondly dont...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987345&title=absolutley-shattered#987345 Author: LouD
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 7:30am

firstly hugs!!!! secondly dont let him take her anywhere until you have an order in place through the courts. ring first thing on tuesday and find out what you need to do to get a parenting order in place. you can come to your own arrangement and have it legalised through the family court or you can battle it out in court.........but if he takes her and doesnt give her back then you could be battling up to 6months through the courts to get her back, if at all...........

I think thats all correct, someone correct me if im wrong

Goodluck and just remember things will get easier with each new day and you can then get excited about the new life and experiences you are gonna have in your life]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 07:30:31 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987345&title=absolutley-shattered#987345 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Thanks everyone Does anyone know...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987334&title=absolutley-shattered#987334 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 6:37am

Thanks everyone Does anyone know what i have to do to stop him taking Kylah? I mean like taking her and leaving. I am happy to work out an arrangement for him. But i dont want him to take her and stop me from seeing her.]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 06:37:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987334&title=absolutley-shattered#987334 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Kandice. I&#039;m sorry you&#039;re...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987327&title=absolutley-shattered#987327 Author: kiwisj
Subject: 32649
Posted: 04 April 2010 at 2:01am

Kandice. I'm sorry you're going through this hun.]]> Sun, 04 Apr 2010 02:01:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987327&title=absolutley-shattered#987327 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987306&title=absolutley-shattered#987306 Author: WestiesGirl
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 11:44pm

]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 23:44:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987306&title=absolutley-shattered#987306 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ((HUGS)) Break ups are never ever...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987296&title=absolutley-shattered#987296 Author: ?Lolly?
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 10:47pm

((HUGS)) Break ups are never ever easy. But, you will get though it! Chin up, and remember that every new beginning starts with an end. ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 22:47:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987296&title=absolutley-shattered#987296 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : We cant work things out. we have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987252&title=absolutley-shattered#987252 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 9:37pm

We cant work things out. we have tried for so long. Some people here know the history and its been a very long time.

Its just really really hard. He has to find somewhere to live, and feelings are running riot right now.

Thanks everyone for the hugs. I really could do with them.]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:37:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987252&title=absolutley-shattered#987252 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : oh sweet, i hope you can work...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987242&title=absolutley-shattered#987242 Author: popcorn
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 9:22pm

oh sweet, i hope you can work things out xx ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:22:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987242&title=absolutley-shattered#987242 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987232&title=absolutley-shattered#987232 Author: Daizy
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 9:15pm

]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:15:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987232&title=absolutley-shattered#987232 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Hugs Kandice ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987222&title=absolutley-shattered#987222 Author: becky
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 8:58pm

Hugs Kandice ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 20:58:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987222&title=absolutley-shattered#987222 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987188&title=absolutley-shattered#987188 Author: NikkiB
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 8:21pm

]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 20:21:04 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987188&title=absolutley-shattered#987188 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : DH and I went through a really...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987138&title=absolutley-shattered#987138 Author: pikelets
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 7:18pm



DH and I went through a really rough time last year so I understand your pain.

Big hugs to you. I hope you have a friend or family that you can talk to or so they can give you a big hug



]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 19:18:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987138&title=absolutley-shattered#987138 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : thinking of you ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987121&title=absolutley-shattered#987121 Author: Caro07
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 6:49pm

thinking of you ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 18:49:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987121&title=absolutley-shattered#987121 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987115&title=absolutley-shattered#987115 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 6:44pm

]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 18:44:28 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987115&title=absolutley-shattered#987115 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : I can feel your pain as well....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987114&title=absolutley-shattered#987114 Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 6:43pm

I can feel your pain as well. I have a good understanding of what you are going through at the moment.

]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 18:43:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987114&title=absolutley-shattered#987114 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : I bet she doesn&#039;t mind :-)...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987090&title=absolutley-shattered#987090 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:46pm

I bet she doesn't mind :-)
And I sympathise with that feeling , its horrible feeling like you cant cry when all you want to do is let it all out .]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:46:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987090&title=absolutley-shattered#987090 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : caitlynsmygirl wrote:Hugs chick,...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987082&title=absolutley-shattered#987082 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:40pm

Originally posted by caitlynsmygirl caitlynsmygirl wrote:

Hugs chick, go give that lovely little girl of yours a hug , that always makes me feel better


I have been hugging and kissing her all day, im sure she is fed up of it. Only 20mins until the bedtime routine, then i can bawl! ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:40:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987082&title=absolutley-shattered#987082 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : ]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987079&title=absolutley-shattered#987079 Author: Raspberryjam
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:39pm

]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:39:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987079&title=absolutley-shattered#987079 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Hugs chick, go give that lovely...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987077&title=absolutley-shattered#987077 Author: caitlynsmygirl
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:38pm

Hugs chick, go give that lovely little girl of yours a hug , that always makes me feel better ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:38:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987077&title=absolutley-shattered#987077 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Big Kandice, so sorry you&#039;re...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987054&title=absolutley-shattered#987054 Author: caraMel
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:05pm

Big Kandice, so sorry you're going through this.]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:05:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987054&title=absolutley-shattered#987054 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : Didn&#039;t want to read and run...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987052&title=absolutley-shattered#987052 Author: Hopes
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:04pm

Didn't want to read and run - I don't have any words that can help, but am really sorry you're having such a miserable time ]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:04:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987052&title=absolutley-shattered#987052 <![CDATA[Absolutley Shattered. : We are separating. It hurts so...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987051&title=absolutley-shattered#987051 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32649
Posted: 03 April 2010 at 4:59pm

We are separating.

It hurts so bad. I just want to cry! But i cant. He wouldn't even spend Easter with us today because i have to work tomorrow. I cooked a roast chicken for dinner, all the trimmings, he told me he would be back and he isn't. I am falling apart.

Why do i continuously let people walk all over me!

I dont even know what to say, or do. I am trying to keep it together, even though i new this was coming, its still so hard.]]> Sat, 03 Apr 2010 16:59:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32649&PID=987051&title=absolutley-shattered#987051