https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Mon, 11 May 2026 22:14:43 +0000 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:26:37 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 11.10 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=32124 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=967439&title=grrrr#967439 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32124
Posted: 14 March 2010 at 8:26am

Annie, I have sent you a message. Sorry I haven't replied, I am so tired with Kylah waking every night for hours, and I am sick with a cold now to that i haven't been on here much.

I have made the timetable, hasn't changed much though. But i will keep working on it.

Thanks everyone for your replies.]]> Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:26:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=967439&title=grrrr#967439 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=967436&title=grrrr#967436 Author: ooEvaoo
Subject: 32124
Posted: 14 March 2010 at 8:23am

Yeah how's it going???? I'm hoping to implement my routine this coming week...feel like I've finally got on top of the back log of work so can leave the evenings clear of school work!]]> Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:23:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=967436&title=grrrr#967436 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=967393&title=grrrr#967393 Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 32124
Posted: 14 March 2010 at 2:02am

Sorry to be or sound like a complete bitch here, but I just poured my heart out, for probably the first time admitting out loud what happened to me in the hope it migh thelp you to a whole forum of strangers and I feel like blagh, like I either offended you or whatever. i wasn't suggesting my situation is/was like yours in any way, just using a time in my life when I had a decision to make too. a similar one ot the one you had to make. And I was pg at the time I had to make this decision too.
Some feedback as to how you are going would be good, since lots of people on here care about you and offered advice.
Just a thought.]]> Sun, 14 Mar 2010 02:02:23 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=967393&title=grrrr#967393 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961846&title=grrrr#961846 Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 9:33pm

DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!
You are setting Kylah a great example and setting

Please please don't take this the wrong way, but I will tell you something that happened to me...and totally not saying or implying you are in a similar situation...

I went out with this guy for a ling time and I didn't realise it till it was a long time into it that he was emotionally and mentally abusive. He took away all my power and no mattter what anyone did or said, I just wouldn't leave him. I thought all I deserved was him. Anyway, I applyed for nursing, as I had always wanted to be a nurse and he kicked up a merry dance about it, that we would never be able to spend time together (I guess when I was at work, he knew wher i was and who with) and all sortsd of other stuff. When I didn't get in, he literally danced a jig and took me out to "celebrate". He later told me he was so happy that I didn't get in because he didn't want me to be smarter than him. Thats right, he was threatened by the idea that by getting a degree, there was "proof" that I was smarter than he. He was jealous also, that I was taking a risk that he wouldn't or couldn't (leaving a job to study) and was glad that it didn't come to fruition. Later on, after I finally got out for good (after leaving a million times, being won back by empty promises, lies and my low self estemm that he had crumbled away) I realised that as well as jealousy, it was a control thing. He didnt want me to go to tech cos he would have no control over who/what/where, and I would get back my self worth/esteem by learning.
I did end up going back to study, after I left him, I did a pre entry then started the degree, and I AM smarter than him.

long irrelevent story, but i guess the moral is don't let DP bully/guilt you into dropping out. It will be so much harder when Kylah is older and "needs" you more, as in school, sports homework etc. She will appreciate one day what you sacrificed to give her not only a great example of tenacity, but a stable home with a stable CAREER.

You can do it, Hun, with a bit of juggling, forethought and planning, you can do it. Put yourself first!
xx]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:33:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961846&title=grrrr#961846 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961356&title=grrrr#961356 Author: lilfatty
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 3:13pm

SD studies late at night .. although he doesnt need much sleep so that might not be an option for you.

So .. a schedule would be a great thing for you to do.]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:13:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961356&title=grrrr#961356 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961332&title=grrrr#961332 Author: Maya
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 2:57pm

I think the schedule idea is great - that way he can't argue that you are spending 'family' time on study, but you can still fit it in.

If I can give you one piece of advice - don't give up. If you do, you'll never go back. That's what my mum told me when I found out I was pregnant with Maya, to hang in there and get the study over with coz once you've started something, you have the incentive to finish it, whereas if you give it up, it's much harder to find the motivation to pick it up again. If I can graduate as a single mum with a baby, then you can definitely do it!

]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:57:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961332&title=grrrr#961332 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961321&title=grrrr#961321 Author: ooEvaoo
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 2:52pm

Kandice I have been in your exact prediciment...minus me working. I use to..and still do a little bit!....study til late at night, and on weekends, and DP use to get all sh!tty about it too, saying I never spend any time with him. Just keep in mind the bigger picture, I'm sure you are just like me and doing this to provide for your family in the future. The other week I just let DP know that this year is going to be extremely full on... and by planning my Mon-Fri out I can fit the majority of my study in and leave the evenings free, but I would also need to have Saturday mornings til 12 to study as well...which DP was happy with... But like everyone has said talk with your man, work out a schedule and make the time you do spend together as a family count.]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:52:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961321&title=grrrr#961321 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961136&title=grrrr#961136 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 12:32pm

kebakat wrote: What about sitting down with DF and coming up with a weekly timetable for all 3 of you that shows what time you get to study, what time you get to spend with him, what time you will spend with kylah and what time he works, you work etc. When I was studying Daniel was in bed at 7 as per normal, I studied until 9pm at night and then had chill out time with DH so a bit of everything. If you plan it out together would that help with getting him involved and then he knows whats going on when?

That is exactly what i am going to do tonight Stacey, its a perfect idea, well i think so anyway. I havent spoken to him yet, we had an argument this morning over it and both said some stupid things.]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:32:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961136&title=grrrr#961136 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961130&title=grrrr#961130 Author: kebakat
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 12:27pm

What about sitting down with DF and coming up with a weekly timetable for all 3 of you that shows what time you get to study, what time you get to spend with him, what time you will spend with kylah and what time he works, you work etc.

When I was studying Daniel was in bed at 7 as per normal, I studied until 9pm at night and then had chill out time with DH so a bit of everything.

If you plan it out together would that help with getting him involved and then he knows whats going on when?]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:27:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961130&title=grrrr#961130 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961097&title=grrrr#961097 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 12:12pm

Jaz, he thinks hes doing everything and that is supporting me. Not emotionally.

I mean he works 7-4 each day, and sometimes half a day Saturdays which is more than what i do.

I mean if i really worked it our, i spend either the same or more amount of time with her.

I am starting to wonder if its the Aussie thing too. Im also starting to feel bad about that too. I mean i know i would be jealous to, but this is going a little to far.

I know that i might have been neglecting him a small amount, but with work, studying and Kylah getting up at night, its really hard. I am doing the best i can but i feel like its not good enough ]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:12:23 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961097&title=grrrr#961097 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961079&title=grrrr#961079 Author: jazzy
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 11:59am

I think you need to talk to DP & find out why he is not supporting you. Is he being like this cause you are off on your trip soon? maybe a bit green eyed, or does he feel left out, bored, threatened. Talk to him & find out what it is, then things may fall into place.

I studies, had babies & went from full time to part time work.
It can be done, you just need to plan things out & don't let people make you feel like that. ]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:59:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961079&title=grrrr#961079 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961076&title=grrrr#961076 Author: BugTeeny
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 11:58am

I agree with everything Bizzy said.

If it's not yourself or Kylah making you feel bad, then stuff 'em!

Think of the families with a SAHM Mum and a Dad that works 8-5 each day.. the Dad gets minimal time with his chikd, but that child doesn't suffer..
As long as she has someone to care for her during the day then you're absolutely doing the right thing by her.

I say good for you for being a Supermum ]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:58:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=961076&title=grrrr#961076 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960955&title=grrrr#960955 Author: Bizzy
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 10:28am

i've said it before and will say it again, only you can make yourself feel guilty.

I dont know who said something or what they said but you need to shrug it off and get on with what you are doing.... be like the duck and let those doubting words roll off you like water off the ducks back!

You setting out to do something and completing it will mean so much to you and will be a good example to your daughter too!

for you and boo hiss to whoever made you feel stink!]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:28:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960955&title=grrrr#960955 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960952&title=grrrr#960952 Author: freckle
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 10:26am

I studied full time when my 13 year old was young and it takes alot of committement, organisation and support from those around you. I was a single mum back then and relied heavily on my family for support as without spending evenings and some time on weekends studying I never would have got my degree. I did have to sacirfice time with my DD to study and that is decision you have to make. For me it was important to have a career to support my child (esp as I was alone) and I don't regret it. I am now studying again part-time while DD2 is young and I do find it really hard to balance my time with the kids and DF and actually get enough study done without DF supporting me in my study it would be impossible. Maybe that is what needs to be addressed - maybe explain how important it is and that you need time to study and the benefits to you all in the end...]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:26:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960952&title=grrrr#960952 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960946&title=grrrr#960946 Author: myfullhouse
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 10:23am

I didn't want to read and run. Sorry I don't have any answers or advice for you. But I can understand that you want to study and I don't think you should feel gilty about it as I am sure that it will benefit you all in the long run. Only thing I can suggest is to maybe sit down with DP and come up with some sort of timetable so that you can have allocated study time, family time etc. Maybe if you all know what is happening and where you stand then it may make things easier]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:23:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960946&title=grrrr#960946 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960929&title=grrrr#960929 Author: MissCandice
Subject: 32124
Posted: 08 March 2010 at 10:09am

I didn't have a title. I didn't know what to pick.

Iv just been made to feel like crap because i study and work.
Is that fair? I don't neglect my daughter, she still has days with me, and i study and she spends time with her Nana and her dad.

Now i feel so guilty about not spending all my time with her that i am thinking of pulling out until she is at school.

I just wanting to make something of myself and give her a good future.

I know i never get to put her to bed, apart from weekends and fridays, but i make up for it during the week.

I spent Mondays with her, and Tuesday mornings, and Thursday mornings, as well as Saturday.

Sunday was the first weekend day I used to study and now its being rubbed in my face! That i don't spend time with my family. I am falling behind because i dont get time to study, either i have to spend time with Kylah or DP. If i study at night DP gets sh*tty that i am not spending time with him, but if i study on Sunday DP gets sh*tty im not spending time with Kylah!

I cant win!!

Sorry for the woe is me post!

]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:09:07 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32124&PID=960929&title=grrrr#960929