https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Tue, 11 Aug 2026 08:04:28 +0000 Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:52:13 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 11.10 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=30975 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=898721&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#898721 Author: Glag2
Subject: 30975
Posted: 16 January 2010 at 4:52pm

Thanks Ladies for all your lovely replys, I know it will get easier , and time is the best healer!
My mission is to be strong, hold my head up and remember my lost babies.
I know im been hard on myself, just the pressure from 3rd parties is hard.
You are all so brave and kind.....
Thanking you muchly
*****J]]> Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:52:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=898721&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#898721 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=898633&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#898633 Author: spanky77
Subject: 30975
Posted: 16 January 2010 at 2:13pm

Some great responses here.

Its true, I do believe you have to feel the pain and go with it, and don;t listen to any bs from any third parties. Your loss is real and valid and hurts a lot. And people don;t know what best to say when they can see you're in pain, or even when they can't.

With the recurrent mc's (I 'only' had one) but I would imagine there's no magic way of dealing with this, just getting through it. Recurrently going through this must be so hard, I cannot imagine.
When I first started spotting, I said to my DP "I don;t think I can deal with a mc . . . I don't think I'm strong enough"
But I'm still here, 5 months on, still alive and managing., I wouldn't say I've been particularly strong (depends how you define strong I guess?).

Its a day to day thing, be gentle with yourself, and honest with yourself and take it as it comes.
Wishywashy I know, but no set way to get through this, other than to go through and come out the other side]]> Sat, 16 Jan 2010 14:13:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=898633&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#898633 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=898268&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#898268 Author: pikaboo
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 10:41pm

i am also so very sorry that you have to go through this too.

i agree with what everyone above has written and that this site has been awesomely helpful - a great community of women who have been through the same experience and don't say the wrong thing (like our friends seem to sometimes....) or try to ignore it because they don't know what to say.

i'm with you thesaff....pretending i was ok all the time was not a good idea. letting myself cry when i wanted to and allowing myself to really feel my emotions (sadness, anger etc) was a process for me and in the end healthier.

6 months later i cry alot alot less, but have more of an understanding that for me my grief is a rollercoaster and just when i think i am doing well, something can trigger me off again. the only difference now is that i just go with it and don't beat myself up for feeling however i feel that day.

be kind to yourself. i have read that the level of pain we feel is correlated to the level of attachment we felt for our lost babies, not their age. when i buried our 11 week old angel baby part of the note i wrote was from dr seuss: "a person's a person no matter how small" because that really is how i feel.

don't let anyone make you feel that your grief is unjustified. HUGS ]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 22:41:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=898268&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#898268 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897943&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897943 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 5:41pm

I'm so very sorry. Its really horrible thing to have all that love and hope taken away.

The pain does dull but it can take a long time and personally I still find it easy to shed a tear when I think about the little ones I never met. But really, give yourself some time. I know everyone copes with these things differently but I would STRONGLY recommend not just pretending everything is okay (which is what I did and sent me into depression for over a year). People around you need to know that you've got that that hole in your chest - I found it easier to email people rather than talking because then I didn't have to try and explain through the weeping.

Hang in there. We're all here for you.]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:41:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897943&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897943 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897902&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897902 Author: WestiesGirl
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 5:07pm

Sorry to hear your loss Like others have said, give yourself time. When I MC'ed it felt like forever before I felt ok about it and all the hurt, and when I think about it now I still get a bit upset. But it does get better, just let the healing process take its time ]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:07:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897902&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897902 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897829&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897829 Author: littlestar
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 4:09pm


Oh Hun - its only just happened, you can't be expected to 'get over it'
You will feel sad and jealous and all sorts of other emotions for your lost babies. Don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't be grieving for you loss - they were small little bubs but ever so much wanted and loved. People really just don't know what to say and end up saying things that really hurt. But you always have this group to come to anytime you need a rant or just an ehug.

Edited by littlestar]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:09:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897829&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897829 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897820&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897820 Author: Mamma2N
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:59pm

I'm really sorry Lovelyone. Unfortunetly some people just don't 'get it'. I have to admit that before we lost our first baby I too didn't quite understand the severity of the pain you feel when you miscarry. So many comments I received hurt, when in actual fact people were trying to be supportive - they just didn't really know what to say or do.

Like Bizzy said, please don't be hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve, you have experienced a loss, don't let yourself or anyone else minimise it. Take care of yourself ]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:59:18 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897820&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897820 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897814&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897814 Author: Bizzy
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:52pm

dont be so hard on yourself... it wasnt that long ago it happened....you are entitled to grieve.

]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:52:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897814&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897814 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897764&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897764 Author: Glag2
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:26pm

thanks heaps. i hadnt even thought to look for a twinloss site]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:26:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897764&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897764 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897757&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897757 Author: cuppatea
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:19pm

ok, here it is

http://www.twinloss.org.nz/Twin_Loss_NZ/Home.html]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:19:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897757&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897757 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897756&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897756 Author: cuppatea
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:18pm

You have been through an awful experience and I would think something was wrong if you weren't grieving for your lost babies.

I think there is a support site for twin loss, I will see if I can find it for you.
]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:18:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897756&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897756 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897749&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897749 Author: Glag2
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:14pm

Thanks for the reply didi99]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:14:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897749&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897749 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897739&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897739 Author: didi99
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:06pm

LovelyOne.
All I can tell you is you are completely justifyed to feel like you do and don't let anyone tell you, you should be "over it". Personally I think I bottled things up and the feelings got on top of me, so my advice is talk about it, acknowledge what you have lost and that you have lost. I do feel better now than I did a month ago but I do think about my bubs every day, I think as time goes by that will lessen but I also feel that the babies we have lost deserve to be remembered with love .
I hope that helps in some way although I do think everyone grieves differently so you just need to find what works for you.]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:06:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897739&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897739 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897719&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897719 Author: Glag2
Subject: 30975
Posted: 15 January 2010 at 2:47pm

On the 3rd of Dec 09 I miscarried my twins, I was 13 weeks pregnant yet they had stopped growing at 7 weeks.I bled for a week prior to that and once they had passed they gave me a d&c.
I have a beauitiful 20 month old daughter who keeps me very busy and is the best thing in my life, YET.
Im finding this whole ''moving on'' part extremely hard and feel lost.Every where i go i seem to see pregnant people and i feel so jelous and mad,
I keep trying to find reasons as to why i miscarried even though deep down i know it was nothing.My heart aches and i feel like everyone thinks i should be ''over it''.I admire the bravery in the women who have reoccuring miscarriages, HOW DO U DO IT? How do u tell yourself that things will get better and ok
I feel like i have no one to talk to about howw im feeling or that no one understands my pain.
I was going to have a baby, then i was going to be having two babies. now im not having any.
]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 14:47:04 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975&PID=897719&title=does-this-huge-pain-in-my-heart-go#897719