OHbaby! Forums : Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I believe everyone at some stage...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:03:53 +0000

Author: pepsi
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 7:03pm

I believe everyone at some stage during any of their posts (me included), expressed sympathy to MaebeeBaby's circumstances.. I think being TYPED back to in CAPITALS as if you're a MORON because you didn't agree with something.. that probably didn't help.

Edited by pepsi

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : glad you came back maebeeBaby...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:25:45 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 6:25pm

glad you came back maebeeBaby for a last post in the discussion.

I wanted to say that i myself (and to those who "know" me this might susrprise) that i was frankly a bit shocked at how some people responded and how a few peoples replies came across as rather nasty. i could definitley see how some of the replies could be taken the wrong way by the initial poster. I know that it may have been due in part to the manner of the initial post but i thought we as a group could have handled it a bit more sympathetically knowing as we do how sensitive us women can get, especially around matters of babies, infertility and the such.

Ginger, you brought me to tears too. i wish i could be even half as eloquent as you!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I have come back because firstly,...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:52:34 +0000

Author: MaeBeeBaby
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 5:52pm

I have come back because firstly, I wish to apologise for reacting in a crazy-woman way when I was backed into a corner by forthright opinions from a few of the participants. I felt that my opinion was taken as absolutely terrible for even thinking it, and I reacted in exactly the same way as I was attacked - ferociously with no regard for another person's feelings.

However, I will not apologise for how I feel. I can't help how I feel. I didn't feel like this after the first 2 mc's, but after my 3rd it's a whole new ballgame. Why? I wish I knew. Perhaps it's because I saw my baby girl on the big screen, dead (foetus testing revealed that she was a girl). It's interesting that I can manage to visit friend's young children, but none under the age of 18 months, or newborn babies. Yet my counsellor (yes, I do see one regularly at the moment) says it is very normal especially when I saw on a berluddy BIG screen my own dead baby as little as 8 weeks ago. (And I write 'big' in capitals because it was big, so if I am yelling then so be it).

I have no problems visiting friends who have children older than 18 months or so, and I don't get this. But again, my counsellor says it's quite normal, perhaps I am not associating them as 'babies' at that age. Who knows how the mind works.

I am very disgusted at myself at not being able to visit my SIL's 10 week old baby. But I don't want to burst into tears when I visit and make my SIL feel bad because she has what I want. And that doesn't apply to just my SIL, that applies to any newborn baby that I know of. We recently had a family gathering and I chose not to go because it was her moment to introduce the baby to the whole family, and I knew that everyone there would be feeling bad for me because I had only just had my 3rd D&C after my 3rd mc a few days prior, and I didn't want their pity, I wanted them to enjoy meeting the baby for the first time. I did want to go, I just chose not to. It was HER day, not mine, and I didn't want anyone to feel awkward because she had what I want.

Ginger, thank you most sincerely for your post - you didn't attack or berate me for how I feel. Your explanations make a lot of sense. I still feel as I do about the situation, but I think my understanding is greater. However, it was interesting today at the clinic that one set of parents arrived with a baby and asked to sit in a separate area - I don't know why, but I felt humbled by this and quietly thanked them for their conscientiousness.

If those of you who have berated me in this post could experience just for 5 minutes what I have gone through recently then I am sure you would feel more empathy. I am still trying to conceive, it's a very hard road, and I don't get a lot of support because all of my friends 'think' they know what to say, but don't say it right, because none of them have had problems with conception. I appreciate them trying nonetheless, as they are all great friends who TRY to help.

I have deleted a lot of what I wrote in this thread because it is embarrassing to me that I reacted as I did, but I was backed into a corner and even up to some of the frequent participator's reactions on this thread it seems I have opened myself up to a playground scene of name calling and bullying. I did not come on here for that and I am sorry that I have made any of you react in that way.

The online word is so hard to interpret and I am sure if any of you met me you would know how much I want, deserve, and desire to have a child. I have 3 nieces (aged between 6 and 10) who I adore, and they adore me, they are always asking after me and when I see them I am rushed at with big hugs and kisses and it is the most amazing feeling, and I want that with my own child. They call me the Best Aunty In The World! And I have a husband who would make the best father to our child that I could ever wish for and it is so hard for me not to be able to give him this gift. Yet he understands, is very supportive, and tomorrow we celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary, which happens to be the day of our 5th IUI. It marks the 3.5 year point of TTC for us, and we might be Down, but we are certainly not Out!

I won't be participating again as I think for one I should have put this thread into the fertility support group which I didn't realise was on here, and also I will just stick to talking to those who know me personally and can't judge me from afar due to misinterpretation of my written word, which unfortunately is just a way of internet forum life.

And thanks to the many pm's of support - I wish you would write in this thread what you have said to me though, as a lot of POV's were really interesting and not one-sided at all, and even the ones in agreeance with my initial post made for really interesting reading from different perspectives. Please post these if you would!

Cheers,
MaebeeBaby

Edited by MaebeeBaby

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Just wanted to say, MaebeeBaby...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:38:06 +0000

Author: arohanui
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 5:38pm

Just wanted to say, MaebeeBaby - although I disagree with how you've handled this discussion in parts, I do have to say that I can't imagine how tough it would be facing fertility issues. It must be so hard for you and I can see how emotions would run high when all you dearly want is a little baby of your own. It's totally ok to vent and perhaps if you wanna vent about something (as OB is great for), you could just share your frustrations - rather than asking for opinions you actually really don't wanna know. It sounded to me as if you just really wanted to get it off your chest.

Annnnyywaaaay, nothing like a good discussion eh girls

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : MaebeeBaby wrote:Have fun ladies,...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:00:43 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 5:00pm

MaebeeBaby wrote:

Have fun ladies, I am outta here. People like 'lilfatty' just come to these forums to make matters worse - and she has succeeded. People like lilfatty like to belittle others and make themselves feel superior to mask all the other unhappy things they have going on in their own lives.

As for blogs - I follow 3 - mainly in the USA to do with a sport I participate in - I think they have something like 1000+ followers world-wide who NEVER participate in their blog, but just read as it can be inspiring.

Thanks to those who have been supportive and understanding despite not always agreeing with my POV - just receiving empathy even if you don't agree with my POV means a lot.

You asked for opinions and you got them.

You also have no idea what kind of person lilfatty is, so you cant pass judgment on her just because you dont like her opinion!! She is a lovely person, and Im pretty damn sure that she is perfectly happy with her life, and doesnt come on here to belittle others because she is unhappy!!!
She hasnt made things worse, you could have just read her comment and said to yourself "ok so thats her opinion" and ignored it, but you didnt.

I do feel for you with what you are going through, I really do, but dont come onto a public forum and ask for opinions and then get mad when you read ones you dont like, you are always going to have people say things you dont agree with, but that doesnt make them a bad person.

And thats my 2c's

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Awww Ginger .. you made me teary!...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:00:43 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 5:00pm

Awww Ginger .. you made me teary! [L]

I think in this case we could have used all the flowery words in the world, however if we had disagreed with the original poster it would have turned out the same way .. with her stamping her feet and saying goodbye (although she would have used 50 point font and pink writing just in case we missed it). It kind of works the same as talking really loudly and slowly to people who dont speak english, they magically get what you are trying to say [;)]

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Hi Ladies, I just want you all...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:49:18 +0000

Author: Kelz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 4:49pm

Hi Ladies,
I just want you all to take a deep breath.....breath out.....share the love!
This is a public forum - everyone is entitled to their opinion. Just remember to perhaps think twice about how you say things and reword if necessary.
Support is the name of this game!
Take care.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : ginger , beautiful post hun

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:43:44 +0000

Author: Shezamumof3
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 4:43pm

ginger , beautiful post hun

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : applauds Ginger I have been...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:18:12 +0000

Author: Lexidore
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 4:18pm

*applauds Ginger*

I have been lurking in this and frankly wont say anything coz its not going to come out right but had to say Ginger your story really tugged on the heartstrings hun and thank you for sharing it

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : MaebeeBaby wrote:...So don't...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:07:08 +0000

Author: pepsi
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 4:07pm

MaebeeBaby wrote:

...So don't start with the 'ultimately it's not all about you' thing because in my situation IT IS and I will do what I can to protect myself from upset and dismay while I deal with what has happened to me.

Other people's lives, and what they do on a day-to day-basis (i.e. not finding childcare instead of taking their kid to the fertility clinic) really ISN'T about you.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Beauitful post Ginger! I now...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:44:49 +0000

Author: snooze
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 3:44pm

Beauitful post Ginger!

I now have a son after a marriage break up as my ex-husband did not want kids. Fast forward a few years I meet man who does but has MFI. It took 3 x embryo transfer (IVF and ICSI) to be successful. After the first failed attempt I did everything in my power to make it work.. diet changes, changed jobs and reduced stress.

Not once did I feel anything but happiness for others sucesses, it gave me hope. I think this outlook certainly helped with my eventual success.

With regards to taking my son into the clinic, the nurses actually asked me to visit the clinic with him as they love seeing the babies they help create.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : * cough cough*** Another...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:16:43 +0000

Author: RunningT
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 2:16pm

*** cough cough*****

Another lurker of Ginger's blog steps forward.

Ginger, you have such a beautiful way with words.

**** cough cough*****

lurker out. after waving to the other lurkers
ya'll know who you are NBs!!!!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : As yet another random blog lurker...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:14:55 +0000

Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 2:14pm

As yet another random blog lurker of gingers... bravo on such a lovely, well-worded post as always!

Now for my 2cw

Do you honestly expect to go to a place that is predominately about MAKING babies, and not expect to SEE babies?? Or at the very least, pregnant women? I was another one who went through FA to get my beautiful little girl, and while I didnt see any babies during my appts, I really wouldnt have minded... I even went and saw my sister within 1/2 an hour of having given birth even though she was due around the same time I would have been had I not had the 2nd mc... I was not pregant at the time, and had not long found out WHY we still werent preg, and were looking at the very real possibilty of needing IVF. If I had stuck a wall around myself and not gone because we were struggling to concieve, I would have missed out on those first few months with my nephew. Same with my best friend, she had a baby, got pregnant again, and had that baby too all in the time I was TTC... It hurt to see her so happy at a time where she was going through the one thing I wanted so dearly, but if I had distanced myself from her simply because of that... it would not have made me a very nice person to be around at all.

If I were to go back to FA now to A) Show them what they helped us to create, or B) Start the wheels in motion to TTC all over again since we will likely need their help again... does that seriously make me an insensitive person?? You really need to think about what they may have gone through in order to get the child you seem to resent seeing... I used to feel a little green-eyed when I saw pregnant women in the shopping mall, until I finally got pregnant myself and saw the occasional person giving ME that same look... it made me feel like telling them they didnt need to be jealous of me because it hadnt been easy for me either!!

The old saying about walking a mile in another persons shoes really needs to be said more often, because it is SO true! You never know what they have gone through, just because they are happy NOW, doesnt mean they always were...

And I really want to ask you this... If you dont like seeing babies... why are you there??

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : minik8e wrote: My girls were...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:01:14 +0000

Author: Twinboys2b
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 2:01pm

minik8e wrote:

My girls were in the Neonatal Unit for 4 1/2 weeks after they were born. Neonatal mothers are boarded in the Postnatal Ward. It is just as devastating being on a Postnatal Ward with 15-20 other women, all of whom have their new babies with them, you can hear them crying,... and all you know is that you CAN'T do that with your own baby. But you know what - even though you are crying inside, you can sometimes still find the compassion to be happy for them as well, because you are not the only person who matters.

Although off subject sorry, Kate you just bought back so many memories of this for me.

Although I have not been through Fertility Clinics I was given a very low chance of keeping my boys alive while I was pregnant and every week I would go to the high-risk maternity ward which was on the same level at neonatel and I would see these mums with their newborns and although painful it would give me & DH hope that that will be us one day soon. I remember a particular appointment where these parents had bought in their twin boys who were 3 for a follow up appointment with a paed and I was in awe of them and again gave me hope that I will be doing that one day.

The amount of smiles I got from pregnant women in the high-risk clinic when I took the boys to their Paed appointments made me feel like I was giving them some hope too, just how I felt, when I was in their situation.

So is there some possibility that it could actually enlighten some other people at the clinic who get excited by babies and can gain some hope for themselves that it will happen to them?

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Aw Ginger your post.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:53:56 +0000

Author: MrsMojo
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:53pm

Aw Ginger your post.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Wow Ginger...I too had some tears...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:51:51 +0000

Author: Flipsta
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:51pm

Wow Ginger...I too had some tears welling up..so glad it all came together for you.

Never give up aye....

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : she always words things brilliantly(says...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:51:12 +0000

Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:51pm

she always words things brilliantly(says another blog lurker!) :)

I'm still confused about being asked for my opinion and what i thought and then watching myself and others get judged for stating our opinion! I guess it's just cause it wasn't what the poster expected to hear?

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : MaebeeBaby I am sorry that you...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:49:30 +0000

Author: MrsMojo
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:49pm

MaebeeBaby I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time but I have to say I also feel very sad for your family that you have not felt able to share such a joyous yet taxing time with them. Obviously if you choose to segregate yourself from the babies in your life that's your choice but it is unrealistic to expect everyone else to keep their babies away from you even at the FERTILITY clinic.

I hope that you do get your BFP and that your family are more supportive of you when you're at home with a NB than you have been. I wish you all the best on your journey to motherhood.

Edited by MrsMojo

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : ginger wrote:I remember a couple...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:47:20 +0000

Author: kabe
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:47pm

ginger wrote:

I remember a couple very clearly - one, the woman wrangling with her child while we were both sitting in the waiting room for delayed appointments, and as she got up for hers, she turned to me and said "It is worth it" (it was at a point where things were not going well). We hadn't spoken at all, but she knew the pain, the journey, and was aware and sensitive I felt. I felt so encouraged by that.

I also remember a little one running up and hall, and dad chasing it (can't remember whether it was a he or she) down looking exasperated, then looking up at me watching his little one with tears rolling down my face, and he just picked his little one up, hugged it tight and held my eyes - he knew, and showed me that he knew which was supportive in itself.

I felt encouraged and was glad of them. It helped keep me focussed and positive about what I was fighting for.

.

I think you've summed it up so nicely ginger. I'm feeling very teary sitting here at work, reading your post.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Ginger, I had tears when reading...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:44:15 +0000

Author: tishy
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:44pm

Ginger, I had tears when reading your post.
Well written.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Interesting debate girls! For...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:36:49 +0000

Author: Ceres
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:36pm

Interesting debate girls! For my 2 cents, as someone experiencing 'difficulty conceiving', I love that there are children in the waiting room at FA. It gives me a lot of hope that success IS possible despite the 'bumps in the road' on the way. If there weren't little ones around, I'd probably wonder about how successful the clinic actually was!

I guess I take the position that you really have no idea what anyone has gone through to get their baby, and it makes no sense to start guessing, or to be jealous. In saying that, it doesn't mean that I don't get jealous when I find out (yet another) of my friends is pregnant, but it's more of the 'I wish it was my turn already!' type, because I'm actually thrilled for them and love getting to see their little ones grow up .

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I haven't read all the replies...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:29:54 +0000

Author: ginger
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:29pm

I haven't read all the replies to this (I only got through a couple of pages), but I heard about it and wanted to comment.

When my husband and I were going through fertility treatment (IVF with ICSI) we were doing so after years of infertility, multiple miscarriages, and were dealing with an IVF cycle that wasn't going to plan - I failed to down-regulate, our cycle had to be restarted, we had issues with over-stimulation and were told at the 11th hour that our ET would likely be suspended for a period of time and all embryos frozen. Our journey was heartbreaking and dreadful, and at 8 weeks pregnant we found ourselves back at the clinic awaiting a scan to confirm the loss of the pregnancy so desperately fought for.

Throughout our many visits to the clinic there were often, in fact usually, babies or toddlers there in the waiting room. I remember a couple very clearly - one, the woman wrangling with her child while we were both sitting in the waiting room for delayed appointments, and as she got up for hers, she turned to me and said "It is worth it" (it was at a point where things were not going well). We hadn't spoken at all, but she knew the pain, the journey, and was aware and sensitive I felt. I felt so encouraged by that.

The second that stands out is when we went back for our scan at 8 weeks - the scan to confirm the loss of our pregnancy. I had suffered a massive bleed the night before and had been counselled by both nurses and a specialist that what we were in fact looking for was confirmation of loss due to the nature of the bleed. That morning, in the waiting room, was a couple with their toddler. Again, appointments were delayed so I was there with them for a wee while. I just watched the child, and I remember the little one running up and hall, and dad chasing it (can't remember whether it was a he or she) down looking exasperated, then looking up at me watching his little one with tears rolling down my face, and he just picked his little one up, hugged it tight and held my eyes - he knew, and showed me that he knew which was supportive in itself.

Whilst I appreciate your feelings - the way everyone faces, copes with and feels about infertility is very different, and I really felt I had to say for many parents out there who do take their children to fertility clinics, I felt encouraged and was glad of them. It helped keep me focussed and positive about what I was fighting for.

I had no qualms at all in taking my little boy back to the clinic to meet the staff - day in day out they fight to create happy families. They go through the highs and the lows, and see couples at their very worst a lot of the time. They deserve thanks, and to be celebrated, and they absolutely loved meeting my baby. Introducing my wee man to the embryologist who created him was one of the most powerful moments of my life.

The only thing I can tell you is that when you have your baby, the pain of this journey and the grief, is less. Not forgotten, but less.

Also, the clinics provide counsellors, and perhaps it might be a good idea for you to meet with one of them to discuss your concerns - they are in an excellent position to deal with those, and pass them on. There are also survey forms in which you can provide feedback to the clinics, and making notes of your concerns in those is also another way to go.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Oh Liz - that was magic!!!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:03:08 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 1:03pm

Oh Liz - that was magic!!!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Following on from what Kate said...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:58:13 +0000

Author: tishy
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 12:58pm

Following on from what Kate said about Postnatal Ward and NICU.
I spent 5 nights on the postnatal ward and once I was discharged I spent 3 nights in a closed ward until a bed in NICU became free. As distressing as it was to be around the new mothers/babies, those 3 nights in the other ward were probably the worst time in my life.

At least on the postnatal ward I could think 'someday soon that will be me' whereas on the other ward it was just me and 4 walls.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Bravo Liz! And I've already...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:48:29 +0000

Author: BugTeeny
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 12:48pm

Bravo Liz!

And I've already used this emoticon today, but I have to use it again...

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Ah ha! Found it! (i had no idea...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:28:44 +0000

Author: arohanui
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 12:28pm

Ah ha! Found it! (i had no idea what the lyrics of the verses were! hilarious and very politically incorrect!!)

*uh hummm*

Take a pinch of white man
Wrap it up in black skin
Add a touch of blue blood
And a little bitty bit of Red Indian boy

Curly black and kinky
Mixed with yellow Chinkees
If you lump it all together
Well you've got a recipe
For a get along scene

Oh what a beautiful dream
If it could only come true
You know, you know....

What we need Is a great big melting pot
Big enough to take the world
And all it's got
Keep it stirring for a hundred years or more
Turning out coffee colored people by the score

Rabbis and the friars
Bishops and the Gurus
We had the Beatles and the Sun Gods
A long time ago, it's true
But then it really didn't matter
What religion you chose, no, no, no

Mick and Lady Faithful
Lord and Mrs Graceful
You know the living could be tasteful
Why don't we all get together in a loving machine
I'd better call up the Queen
It's only fair that she knows
You know, you know

What we need Is a great big melting pot
Big enough to take the world
And all it's got
Keep it stirring for a hundred years or more
Turning out coffee colored people by the score

Yeah, yeah, yeah

And for your listening pleasure

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : lilfatty wrote: funlvn wrote:Now...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:21:54 +0000

Author: arohanui
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 12:21pm

lilfatty wrote:

funlvn wrote:

Now we just need someone to break into song... who is it that does that?

That would the be the darling Arohanui who would burst into song for thee

I've been quietly keeping an eye on this thread and quite enjoying the debate!! Been keeping my head out of it, but just have to say one thing - I think it's brilliant that everyone has different opinions, and that is what OB is about. But personal attacks are totally uncalled for. A lot of people shared the same views as lilfatty, yet she was the only one picked on! Ouch!

Also it does seem kinda RUDE to put things in CAPITALS cos in INTERNET LAND that is SHOUTING

Hmm........ now to think of an appropriate song......... I've just gotta find *just* the right one.....

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Well i wasn't gonna jump...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:19:42 +0000

Author: RachFizz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 11:19am

Well i wasn't gonna jump on the bandwagon but it seems iv changed my mind...

If MB does come back just wanna say that by all means suggest a different waiting area but like someone else said it's ppls choice whether they want to go there or not, otherwise that is a bit like segregation.

I can understand (in a very limited way) how it'd be harder seeing children in a fertility clinic. maybe because you think the point of it is that it's for ppl who can't have children at all, or just that it's the thing you desperately want being flouted in your face. I am trying to figure out whether you think these ppl with children already don't have problems that you deem worthy of them being in a fertility clinic -the way you stress FERTILITY. Or whether you just want them to leave their children behind? You've said the latter, but i feel like your tone kinda hints at the former? Ofcourse it seems like they're unintentionally rubbing it in your face.. but unless there is a specific fertility clinic for people who have no children, you may have to just try and cope with it.. on top of everything else.. which would SUCK, i cant imagine what that feels like!

I don't know. On one side there is the fact that everyone has the right to whatever healthcare they can manage to get, and to bring their children along if they have to no matter what anyone else thinks... and then there is consideration of the difficulty other people are going thru and not bringing their children along for that reason.....

This thread is not going to end with everyone making up and agreeing but at least the sensitive ppl have seen a new perspective and may reconsider takin their kids along, even though they still might if they think it is best for them. Then there are other people who can't be bothered caring (again probably bcoz of ur tone unfortunately) who would take their children anyway. but even if you think this is stupid you can't force them to leave their children behind.

I hope this pain gets better soon and you can be happy for the others in the clinic, even if it does take time, you're only hurting yourself by resenting them...

please feel free to tell me im completely wrong as i freely admit that i havent even started TTC yet, have no idea what it's llike to have fertility problems, but this is just how ive interpreted the whole situation...

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Kandice wrote: RachandJack...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:47:23 +0000

Author: Rachael21
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 10:47am

Kandice wrote:

RachandJack wrote:

but also some people just aren't children people

I think the playground idea is a good one too, but if someone who wasnt a child person was at a fertility clinic trying to get preggaz id be worried lol..

I like my children but I'm not the hugest fan of other peoples...

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : or Bizzy or Kelly.....

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:35:01 +0000

Author: mummyofprinces
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 10:35am

or Bizzy or Kelly.....

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : funlvn wrote:Now we just need...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:30:30 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 10:30am

funlvn wrote:

Now we just need someone to break into song... who is it that does that?

That would the be the darling Arohanui who would burst into song for thee

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Just found this thread and had...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:15:21 +0000

Author: lovingmummyhood
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 10:15am

Just found this thread and had a read...

I went through FA to have my beautiful boy and when he was born I sent an email to the clinic to let them know. They sent me a lovely letter back I contemplated taking him in but haven't because I know that some people might hurt to see a baby while waiting (as you obviously do MaebeeBaby). Personally I'm with those who didn't or don't mind. It gave me hope and I just couldn't wait for it to be my turn.
I have a close friend who's just had 2 failed IVF attempts and another who is currently in the tww from their first attempt so I know how hard it is for some people.
However, when the time comes for number 2 I will most likely take DS with me.

Hugs Minik8e - bet you're enjoying having your girls home with you now.

I also wanted to add that one of the great things about OB is the way that people can share their opinions without it getting personal, and I see no attacks on anyone here (except LF which was really uncalled for - I'm with Mel, we you Julia).

Now we just need someone to break into song... who is it that does that?

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : emz wrote:It's a catch...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:15:17 +0000

Author: scribe
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 10:15am

emz wrote:

It's a catch 22 - you feel this way because you don't have a child, but if you had a child you would know how impractical and selfish you are being by demanding a separate room.

This sums up my POV ... With all sympathies to you, MaebeeBaby - it must be heartbreaking and I just can't imagine what you must be going through - you really don't have any idea what it's like to be a mother... if only we could just pick and choose where we took our children...

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Gosh, I didn't anticipate...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:01:27 +0000

Author: minik8e
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 10:01am

Gosh, I didn't anticipate that this thread would end up like this...

MaebeeBaby - you stress the importance of the words "FERTILITY" clinic. I'm sorry to tell you, but MOTHERS can have FERTILITY issues also. Fertility problems aren't limited to those people who haven't had children.

As for seeing children/babies while you are waiting. I went through 3 miscarriages in a row before ultimately ending up with our girls. I was seeing a specialist, and I saw a huge number of pregnant ladies/ladies with babies while I was going through that process. Yes, it made me sad because I was having difficulty, but you know what, I was also happy because obviously those women had trouble somewhere along the way too, and they got a happy ending - so I was happy for THEM.

Slightly different, but with the same principle. My girls were in the Neonatal Unit for 4 1/2 weeks after they were born. Neonatal mothers are boarded in the Postnatal Ward. It is just as devastating being on a Postnatal Ward with 15-20 other women (for over 4 weeks!!!), all of whom have their new babies with them, you can hear them crying, you see them walking up and down the corridor and all you know is that you CAN'T do that with your own baby - you are restricted to the time you can hold them, cuddle them, when you can bath them. But you know what - even though you are crying inside, you can sometimes still find the compassion to be happy for them as well, because you are not the only person who matters.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : hila wrote:Perhaps you should...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:16:33 +0000

Author: pepsi
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 9:16am

hila wrote:

Perhaps you should have written: I am interested in other people's thoughts, as long as they are in line with my own views.

This

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Oxy23 wrote:All I want to say...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:58:31 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:58am

Oxy23 wrote:

All I want to say is

Lock this thread

Its getting out of hand

I dont think it is - I think it has been polite and spirited, but not out of hand. Personal attacks on people are not cool - but LilFatty is a big girl (not literally ) and can look after herself!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I have to put in my two cents...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:55:27 +0000

Author: newme
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:55am

I have to put in my two cents again....
MaebeeBaby, when you wrote the original post you wrote :I am interested in other people's thoughts

Perhaps you should have written: I am interested in other people's thoughts, as long as they are in line with my own views.

Thanks Bizzy, also for kindly correcting the misquote.

the OB TTC forum is normally are really happy uplifting supportive community, I think we should all agree to disagree. Everyone has their own sh*t to deal with, and we should all respect that.

Good luck to everyone

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : All I want to say is Lock this...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:54:33 +0000

Author: Oxy
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:54am

All I want to say is

Lock this thread

Its getting out of hand

Edited by Oxy23

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Just to going to jump to lilfatty's...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:52:50 +0000

Author: mummyofprinces
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:52am

Just to going to jump to lilfatty's defence (though she certainly doesnt need me to)... Everyone is entitled to their opinion, even when it doesnt match your own. As a long time OB poster I have never known her to be vicious or purposely hurtful, rather direct and to the point.

Many of us have not agreed with your POV, but have understood where you are coming from, you on the otherhand have not taken a moment to understand where the couples with their children in your fertility clinic are coming from.

It is very sad that you have chosen to single out one poster for a personal attack when there were others who had very much the same opinion.

I really hope you will be holding your own baby in your arms very soon and I truely hope you find a way to deal with your grief.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I agree with Hopes and SimSam.....MaebeeBaby...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:49:22 +0000

Author: Flipsta
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:49am

I agree with Hopes and SimSam.....MaebeeBaby the joy of having a baby is something we all want and we are all so TOTALLY different with how we deal with this journey.

For me, I am not going to let this journey consume my life. I grieve and I allow myself to do that but there is so much to enjoy in life...including the pleasure of seeing the people we love having babies and being able to share that with them.

Dont' get me wrong...I have had my moments of pure jealousy at friends and family conceiving but to hold their kiddies and see them grow and learn is just awesome.

Don't leave it too long to see your SIL because you can't get those years back..

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : MaebeeBaby wrote:Have fun ladies,...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:22:40 +0000

Author: Hunnybunny
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:22am

I like lilfatty. I don't think she comes on here "to make matters worse"

This is a public forum. You will have people agreeing with you, or disagreeing with you. If you only wanted people to agree with you, you should find a support group to join.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I think Simsam's on the ball,...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:19:09 +0000

Author: Hopes
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 8:19am

I think Simsam's on the ball, Maebee. Trying to have children and not being able to is a horribly hard business, and it hurts like hell. It's normal you're angry and hurt, and consequently more sensitive to things like kids in waiting rooms.

At the same time, we're not all going to just agree that kids shouldn't be in fertility centre waiting rooms. I'm in the 'struggling to conceive' boat too, and I'm comfortable with them being there. You shouldn't get mad at us because we have different opinions (even if some of them have been fairly strongly expressed (which isn't my way of going about things as a rule, as it gets people's backs up) you have to admit that your own views have been fairly strongly expressed too!)

Hang in there. I know how tough it is

Edited by Hopes

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Maebee Baby - I think that if...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:59:40 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 7:59am

Maebee Baby - I think that if you re-read all this thread (Perhaps when you are calmer and not so angry), that you would see that YOU were are the one that is unhappy. A lot of us understand your POV - but that doesnt mean we have to agree with it or you on this matter. I think that you came into this thread with a very agressive tone and didnt really like it when people challenged you.

If you dont want to hear opinions of others then dont post. Simple as that. This is an open forum, with lots of opinionated mummies - if you were niaive enough to believe that everyone was going to support you in such a controversial statement / topic then you need to toughen up.

ETA - just in case you MIS READ this - as you have done with many posts, I DID NOT say "toughen" up with regards to your sadness about infertility / fertility clinics / children etc.

Edited by SimSam

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : .Edited by MaebeeBaby

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:45:01 +0000

Author: MaeBeeBaby
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 7:45am

.

Edited by MaebeeBaby

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : .Edited by MaebeeBaby

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:41:57 +0000

Author: MaeBeeBaby
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 7:41am

.

Edited by MaebeeBaby

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : lilfatty wrote:I think we should...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:26:35 +0000

Author: SarahJane
Subject: 29666
Posted: 03�November�2009 at 7:26am

lilfatty wrote:

I think we should get that woman from July 10 in here ... she would DEFINATELY KNOW whether it is right or wrong to take a child to a fertility clinic

Oh I don't know, lilfatty, you and I have agreed on a couple of other threads , maybe there would be no debate at all lol

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : lilfatty wrote:I think we should...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:43:52 +0000

Author: Emmi_
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 11:43pm

lilfatty wrote:

I think we should get that woman from July 10 in here ... she would DEFINATELY KNOW whether it is right or wrong to take a child to a fertility clinic

Classic!! There really have been a few heated debates on here today!! I wonder if July10 knows shes famous??

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Yep .. okay Emz

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:07:22 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 10:07pm

Yep .. okay Emz

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Shezzey wrote:Emz... I cannot...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:58:12 +0000

Author: emz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:58pm

Shezzey wrote:

Emz...�I cannot see how it is ridiculous to avoid making people feel bad.... i would under any circumstance in all cases try and�avoid a situation�that make someones feel bad because I care about people...

You've got to be frickin kidding me - I said that I wouldn't not take my child just to stop someone feeling bad - as a mother I care more about my child's wellbeing and putting food on the table with the amount it would cost to hire a babysitter for the appt than possibly upsetting someone I don't even know.

But hey CLEARLY I don't care about people! Sheesh - if you all think kids are so terrible.. argh why bother, some people!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Lil Fatty, you are a gem I'm...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:44:15 +0000

Author: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:44pm

Lil Fatty, you are a gem

I'm in the camp where I wish those who desperately wanted a child could have one nice and easily, but of course that is in a perfect world, rather than the fallen one we live in.

I don't believe it is right to think that one persons pain is more heartbreaking then anothers, when you don't know their full sitiuations. As people have said, not everyone has easy access to babysitters, esp with the added costs that fertility problems can bring. I sympathise with your situation, but a seperate room seems ott?

Yes I may be young with a beautiful daugter, but there is 5yrs between my brother and I, and it is feared I'll face similar problems with ttc my next child. Yet 1/2/3 years down the track, I'm sure I'll be in just as much pain. And if everyones at work, then yep, Hollie will just have to come with to the specialist.

Life is cruel sometimes, it's how we deal with it that helps define us as a person

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : hahahahaha soooo true lilfatty...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:37:10 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:37pm

hahahahaha soooo true lilfatty

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : bwa ha ha Lilfatty

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:35:08 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:35pm

bwa ha ha Lilfatty

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : LMOA lilfatty!!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:34:00 +0000

Author: Bobsta
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:34pm

LMOA lilfatty!!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I think we should get that woman...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:28:16 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:28pm

I think we should get that woman from July 10 in here ... she would DEFINATELY KNOW whether it is right or wrong to take a child to a fertility clinic

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : thanks to you Bobsta now i gotta...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:25:21 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:25pm

thanks to you Bobsta now i gotta find a ticker to match

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : well done shezzey!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:21:17 +0000

Author: Bobsta
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:21pm

well done shezzey!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Geee I love my new blinkie

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:20:31 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:20pm

Geee I love my new blinkie

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Lol MrsG... you crack me up

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:16:27 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:16pm

Lol MrsG... you crack me up

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Emz...I cannot see how it is ridiculous...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:12:32 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:12pm

Emz... I cannot see how it is ridiculous to avoid making people feel bad.... i would under any circumstance in all cases try and avoid a situation that make someones feel bad because I care about people...

Edited by Shezzey

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : having never been in your situation...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:12:10 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:12pm

having never been in your situation MB I don't think I can fully imagine how hard it must be... I am finding it much harder to conceive a third child and have been ttc for 9 months now so have a little insight into how hard it is BUT I can always look at my 2 children and think how lucky I am... I do get jealous when it happens easily for other people despite how easily it happened for me in the past, and before reading this I would have considered that children in a fertility clinic would provide hope not pain... but now if I am in the situation of needing assistance from a fertility clinic in the future I will if at all practical find someone to care for my children as I would hate to make an already difficult situation more difficult!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : RachandJack wrote:but also...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:10:10 +0000

Author: MissCandice
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:10pm

RachandJack wrote:

but also some people just aren't children people

I think the playground idea is a good one too, but if someone who wasnt a child person was at a fertility clinic trying to get preggaz id be worried lol..

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children :

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:09:45 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:09pm

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I think they should have a separate...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:09:37 +0000

Author: cuppatea
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 9:09pm

I think they should have a separate room for the parents of the kids, give us some peace and quiet

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : mrsg1 wrote: SimSam wrote: ...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:58:25 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:58pm

mrsg1 wrote:

SimSam wrote:

mrsg1 wrote:

Why can't we segregate parents and kids from the rest of us. Get some peace and quiet.

I am sorry - am I less of a person because I have child. Do I have to go and sit somewhere different from other people?

That's what they got playgrounds for so you can go somewhere different.
If a grown adult without kids went there they'd probably get arrested.

I wasn't actually being serious - some people have no sense of humour.

Sorry to be pedantic but normally when trying to be *funny* in a post then you would insert the appropriate emoticon....I think that you meant it, but realised that it was dumb too late and are now back tracking.....

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Yes... but you're implying...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:56:19 +0000

Author: emz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:56pm

Yes... but you're implying that every person with a child should be shipped off to a seperate room upon arrival. A playground is a CHOICE, what we're talking about here is segregation so people don't feel bad. Ridiculous.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : SimSam wrote: mrsg1 wrote:Why...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:52:40 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:52pm

SimSam wrote:

mrsg1 wrote:

Why can't we segregate parents and kids from the rest of us. Get some peace and quiet.

I am sorry - am I less of a person because I have child. Do I have to go and sit somewhere different from other people?

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Exactly SimSam - why should parents...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:51:56 +0000

Author: emz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:51pm

Exactly SimSam - why should parents and kids be made to feel bad?

I'm all for playrooms etc, but to actually consciously SEGREGATE people is a different story. Thats plain ridiculous and I can't believe people actually think like that (esp people who want to have kids - you're going to do it hard when they get here).

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : mrsg1 wrote:Why can't...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:45:41 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:45pm

mrsg1 wrote:

Why can't we segregate parents and kids from the rest of us. Get some peace and quiet.

I am sorry - am I less of a person because I have child. Do I have to go and sit somewhere different from other people?

Does anyone remember apartheid?

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Why can't we segregate parents...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:43:12 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:43pm

Why can't we segregate parents and kids from the rest of us. Get some peace and quiet.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I actually don't think it's...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:27:51 +0000

Author: Rachael21
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:27pm

I actually don't think it's a bad idea to have a separate area (and maybe play area) for children at any place. Not completely separated but a quieter place for people who don't want to be around children all the time. I can see why some do get upset at the sight of children at a fertility clinic but also some people just aren't children people and as mothers we tend to forget that not everyone loves our children as much as us. Hell when I manage to get to an appointment without children its like a break for me and the last thing I want is other peoples childrens running around.

Also as a mother I would love a separate play area for kids to try and keep them entertained. So why its not the same reason as some of you for not wanting kids at a fertility place I think possibly saying something to place could help. The worst that can happen is they do nothing.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I've been thinking about...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:17:19 +0000

Author: linda
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:17pm

I've been thinking about this topic a bit today and came on to post but emz, you've pretty much summed it up.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Emz..... it is really not anger...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:15:50 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:15pm

Emz..... it is really not anger or jealousy of others.... it is a personal grief that is compounded (when you see babies) at that particular time when you have suffered a personal failure from something that you have put your mind, body and soul into.

I am not sure if there will be a resolution to this issue because it could be considered selfish for those with or those without..... but as I said on my previous post to Hopes, personally I will be more understanding if I am in that particular situation again ..,

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I can't begin to know what...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:15:20 +0000

Author: cuppatea
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:15pm

I can't begin to know what it feels like to have infertility issues but I have been through a m/c and got to sit in the waiting room listening to a couple be all silly cos the woman had won their bet on which sex they were having whilst I sat there having just been told my pregnancy wasn't viable. It was upsetting but it was also quite comforting in a strange sort of way that at least someone had had some nice news.
And although it was the absolute last thing I would want to do I took my oldest child to that appointment and he was in the main waiting room with my friend and her child because it was do that or take him in the scan room with me which would have been even worse. So for someone else not knowing what I was there for they could have been upset that their were two children in the waiting room.

I'm afraid sometimes life just sucks and we are all doing what we can to get through it.

I think perhaps you need to look into your own issues around seeing babies, which I can understand is upsetting, but perhaps at the moment you are just a little too emotional over it to see it rationally. I would think seeing children at a FERTILITY clinic would give you hope not cause you more despair and I expect most of the docs and nurses see it that way as well, afterall they are their to help people have families.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Agree with Emz as well. I certainly...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:14:29 +0000

Author: WRXnKids
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:14pm

Agree with Emz as well.

I certainly wouldnt want to be in a clinic with no babies if i was in that position. That is what you are aiming for and dreaming of you should be enjoying the babies around you not ignoring them.

Maybeebaby I hope you do get your baby but if you dont do you really want to have missed out on the precious moment of you nieces and nephews?

I dont want you to take this the wrong way Maybeebaby but maybe you should get some counciling to help you deal with your losses and fertility issues you seem to be struggling with it more than some others.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Hopes wrote: On the 'fertility'...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:07:28 +0000

Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:07pm

Hopes wrote:

On the 'fertility' clinic point, though... isn't the 'fertility' part all about the production of babies, which one may or may not feel the need to take places with them once they're produced?

I guess what it all comes down to is the fact that we don't actually have the right to dictate what people do or don't do (within the bounds of the law and all ) So those of us without kids don't have the right to a kid-free fertility clinic.

I agree with the part above...

We also went through 2 years TTC and recently had a miscarriage. I can completely understand your pain. But its YOUR pain and you need to not project that and make it other people's problem. They are not trying to hurt you.

You dont know what those people's circumstances are - chances are they dont have other options. I know that if we require any assistance conceiving our next baby I will have no option but to take our daughter along. We have no family here, few friends and no spare cash to pay for babsitters.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : emz wrote:Firstly, if you segregate...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:05:06 +0000

Author: MissCandice
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 8:05pm

emz wrote:

Firstly, if you segregate people with kids, and people without, you're no better than the racists who separated blacks from whites IMO. I will not be segregated just because you can't deal with seeing a child when you're at your worst. Guess what - when you have a child of your own you actually have to take them a lot of places funnily enough, and they often see you at your worst and you can't feel so 'all about me' about the whole situation.

I've been throught the fertility process with both kids, not to your degree by any means, but I paid out my thousands of dollars for tests, surgery and drugs so it is my god damned right to take my child wherever the hell I please! And yes I've taken my son to fertility appts. It's not practical at all, it annoys me because you've got to be constantly watching them so you can't devote your full attention to the reason why you're there (the next child obviously) - but unless you send about $50 to every person you don't want turning up with their kids for childcare, some people just don't have the option. It's a catch 22 - you feel this way because you don't have a child, but if you had a child you would know how impractical and selfish you are being by demanding a separate room.

I agree with whoever said you need to take responsibility for your own feelings and wellbeing, not blame the way your feeling on others. The feeling I get from you is that you're upset that other people, including your own family members, have kids and you don't. Why not feel happy for those people? Do you wish that they struggled as much as you? I feel sad for you that you can't at least enjoy the new babies in your family because you can't get through your own feelings on your own fertility.

I agree!
I had written a whole reply, but lost it and im too lazy to start again.

Went something along the lines of if you were in the opposite persons shoes, and had spent years trying to conceive number 1, finally did, and went through the same thing trying to conceive number 2, had been waiting for your appointment at the FERTILITY clinic, and your sitter canceled at the last minute, would you cancel your appointment and not go, putting your possibility of baby number 2 coming on hold for that little while longer, just because you COULD possibly offend someone by having your baby with you?

Edited by Kandice

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Well, hormones are a likely cause...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:59:07 +0000

Author: Hopes
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:59pm

Well, hormones are a likely cause - given that these boards are full of people who are either pregnant of trying to be, I'm amazed we don't rip each other to threads

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : All good now Lilfatty I never...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:57:22 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:57pm

All good now Lilfatty I never expected myself to get so heated up or emotional here on OB and this thread wasn't the only one today lol... maybe its my hormones

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Firstly, if you segregate people...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:56:59 +0000

Author: emz
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:56pm

Firstly, if you segregate people with kids, and people without, you're no better than the racists who separated blacks from whites IMO. I will not be segregated just because you can't deal with seeing a child when you're at your worst. Guess what - when you have a child of your own you actually have to take them a lot of places funnily enough, and they often see you at your worst and you can't feel so 'all about me' about the whole situation.

I've been throught the fertility process with both kids, not to your degree by any means, but I paid out my thousands of dollars for tests, surgery and drugs so it is my god damned right to take my child wherever the hell I please! And yes I've taken my son to fertility appts. It's not practical at all, it annoys me because you've got to be constantly watching them so you can't devote your full attention to the reason why you're there (the next child obviously) - but unless you send about $50 to every person you don't want turning up with their kids for childcare, some people just don't have the option. It's a catch 22 - you feel this way because you don't have a child, but if you had a child you would know how impractical and selfish you are being by demanding a separate room.

I agree with whoever said you need to take responsibility for your own feelings and wellbeing, not blame the way your feeling on others. The feeling I get from you is that you're upset that other people, including your own family members, have kids and you don't. Why not feel happy for those people? Do you wish that they struggled as much as you? I feel sad for you that you can't at least enjoy the new babies in your family because you can't get through your own feelings on your own fertility.

Edited by emz

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Could be just me but I only read...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:49:28 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:49pm

Could be just me but I only read blogs of people I know (or at least know quite well online)

Shezzey - im not mad at all, not sure why you think I would be lol, although your really shooting yourself in the foot leaving the weightloss thread, just because I hurt your feelings ... as you said yourself, you havent been that great lately, so it might help if you had some support from the other ladies in the thread.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Hopes... I must say that I do...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:49:26 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:49pm

Hopes... I must say that I do think have a different perception about it now... realising the child minding side of it.... and will think of that if I am in that position again but not sure what my emotions will be IYKWIM

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : SimSam wrote:I dont think ANYONE...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:42:36 +0000

Author: pepsi
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:42pm

SimSam wrote:

I dont think ANYONE is missing your point trust me. I think that we are all sensitive to your difficulties, but I think that the reality is that many many women do not have the option of leaving their child with someone when they attend appointments - REGARDLESS of where that appointment is. I would not leave my child with a stranger (even a paid/trained one) just�because there was a�risk that I *might* offend someone. My child happiness is more important than anything else. Sorry if that is harsh and insensitive but its the truth.� I am an empathetic person and I am sensitive to others needs, but sometimes there is only so much you can do when you have a young child to consider as well.
I wish you all the best on your journey to concieve - its a long road for some of us, but worth it in the end.

*LIKE*

I also like the way a couple of the other ladies look at the situation too.. that seeing couples with children there gives hope.

MaebeeBaby, you have stressed the fact that you only have this issue with kids in the fertility clinic, and that you expect to see kids while out shopping etc.. However you did also say that you can't visit your SIL because she has a baby... Obviously it's more than just the issue of seeing babies in the clinic, which is fair enough - and I'm sorry for your circumstances, but ultimately it's not all about you.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Goodness, I follow lots of blogs...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:38:24 +0000

Author: Hopes
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:38pm

Goodness, I follow lots of blogs by people I don't know from a bar of soap. I kinda thought that was half the point!!! Ginger's is one of my favourites, and I'll openly admit I've only even seen her post on here like twice. But her journey's an inspiration to people like me, who are facing the IVF process.

On the 'fertility' clinic point, though... isn't the 'fertility' part all about the production of babies, which one may or may not feel the need to take places with them once they're produced?

I guess what it all comes down to is the fact that we don't actually have the right to dictate what people do or don't do (within the bounds of the law and all ) So those of us without kids don't have the right to a kid-free fertility clinic.

However, it's a good reminder that we should think about other people's feelings. I'd think twice about taking kids (if I had them!) to the clinic, because I know it might bother some people.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Yup.. you are right there... I...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:27:58 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:27pm

Yup.. you are right there... I havent posted in that thread for a while because I feel guilty for not going to the gym and following my diet... but have been lurking otherwise i would not have added your blog to my favourites.

Actually if you have been to a fertility clinic you will see a board with the pics of babies conceived there... which is easy to deal with because you can choose to look at them when you want.

Lilfatty ... no need to get sarcastic.... I have actually followed your other blog randomly since your first little one and really did enjoy it, but sorry to say, my opinion of you has changed now and wont enjoy reading it anymore. It might make you angrier after i have said that.. but it is the truth.

Edited by Shezzey

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Yes Shezzey, but I expect people...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:17:21 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:17pm

Yes Shezzey, but I expect people who actually post and talk to me to follow it .. Ive gone back about 10 pages and cant find one post from you and apart from today I dont recall you ever "talking to me"

However I digress, it doesnt really matter since you now wont be reading, good luck with your weight loss and child bearing, just remember once you have children, DONT take them into a FERTILITY CLINIC even if they helped you create the child - just post a photo, you may hurt someones feelings.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : lilfatty wrote: Shezzey wrote:Umm......

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:12:36 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 7:12pm

lilfatty wrote:

Shezzey wrote:

Umm... consideration for those in a worse off position?

*off to delete a blog I have enjoyed following*

Is that mine? Isnt it a tad strange to follow a complete random strangers blog?

LOL! i thought that was the point of a blog! (sorry a bit OT i know... )

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Lol... do you think I am strange...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:08:53 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 6:08pm

Lol... do you think I am strange Lilfatty? I am on the weightloss thread and you advertised it there...

lilfatty wrote:

Cor yes, a swimsuit is good motivation! I cant even contemplate the thought at the moment lol.

Well I jumped on the blog wagon (well actually I just added a section to our family blog), feel free to come and check it out anytime.

HERE

Edited by Shezzey

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Shezzey wrote:Umm... consideration...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:05:10 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 6:05pm

Shezzey wrote:

Umm... consideration for those in a worse off position?

*off to delete a blog I have enjoyed following*

Is that mine? Isnt it a tad strange to follow a complete random strangers blog?

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : MaebeeBaby wrote:Quote from...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:54:47 +0000

Author: MummyFreckle
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 5:54pm

MaebeeBaby wrote:

Quote from 'Lilfatty' - "Who would have thought that some people going into a fertility clinic dont want to see children, id personally be worried if the fertility clinic I was in never had any children because their strike rate might be really suck! "

Did I say that I didn't want to see children 'at all'? NO. All I said was that I think it's unfair that they are in a FERTILITY CLINIC. The one and only place I should be able to go to where I would like to think other people are just as sympathetic and empathetic to my needs as I am to theirs.

Gosh can I enlarge the font here - hang on I will try - the emphasis being on these words (for the umpteenth time I might add!!!):

FERTILITY CLINIC

I dont think ANYONE is missing your point - trust me. I think that we are all sensitive to your difficulties, but I think that the reality is that many many women do not have the option of leaving their child with someone when they attend appointments - REGARDLESS of where that appointment is. I would not leave my child with a stranger (even a paid/trained one) just because there was a risk that I *might* offend someone. My child happiness is more important than anything else. Sorry if that is harsh and insensitive but its the truth. I am an empathetic person and I am sensitive to others needs, but sometimes there is only so much you can do when you have a young child to consider as well.

I wish you all the best on your journey to concieve - its a long road for some of us, but worth it in the end.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I haven't been in this situation...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:39:12 +0000

Author: kebakat
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 5:39pm

I haven't been in this situation but I'm a practical person. If I had a child and had to go to a fertility clinic I would make an effort to find a babysitter, just because I'd like to be able to focus on the doctor rather than have to watch a child to.. however in saying that, if my friends and family were busy I would not pay for a babysitter, I'd take him along.

Also when bubs are born the people who have helped along the way love seeing them (mw's and docs), so I can totally see why some parents who have had success want to take their bubs along to show the docs and thank them, cause no doubt they will be soooo greatful for all their help.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I understand how hard it is to...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:30:05 +0000

Author: mummyofprinces
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 5:30pm

I understand how hard it is to see babies when you are having trouble conceiving and carrying your own. I have not forgotten that pain and jealousy.

I do not believe that parents, mothers particularily, are not aware of this when the visit a fertility clinic. I do agree that the staff at the clinics like to see the babies they helped to create and the parents want to show them off. Afterall, they waited so long and went through so much to get them and these people helped them get their family!

Do you feel that upset about pg women in the waiting room? Not meant to be mean but just curious....

If I have to go through a fertilty clinic with number 2 I would have no other option but to take my child with me. Should I be denied a chance at a second child because of this???

I used to feel bad and try and hide my bump when I would do my pee tests for my mw as she was right next door to a clinic.

Hopes I think you have a great outlook on it hun!

KA, there were a couple of toddlers at the mc clinic when i was there and I thought how much harder it must of been on those mummies trying to hide their grielf from the littlies. I didnt upset me anymore than I already was.

I hope lots of fertiltiy babes are conceived very soon. Sticky baby dust to you all.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : .Edited by MaebeeBaby

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:17:16 +0000

Author: MaeBeeBaby
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 5:17pm

.

Edited by MaebeeBaby

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Shezzey wrote:Yup we are responsible...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:26:11 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 4:26pm

Shezzey wrote:

Yup we are responsible for our own wellbeing within our own control....

This thread will go on forever with those who agree and those who disagree... but the great thing about it is that there is an AWARENESS now

Definately!

Who would have thought that some people going into a fertility clinic dont want to see children, id personally be worried if the fertility clinic I was in never had any children because their strike rate might be really suck!

Although in fairness, I dont particularly like having children in many places, because they are noisy little creatures, but I wouldnt expect all the parents to go out and get a baby sitter just to placate me

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Yup we are responsible for our...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:17:12 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 4:17pm

Yup we are responsible for our own wellbeing within our own control....

This thread will go on forever with those who agree and those who disagree... but the great thing about it is that there is an AWARENESS now

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : The fertility clinics are never...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:06:32 +0000

Author: Flipsta
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 4:06pm

The fertility clinics are never going to be able to make everyone happy as so many people deal with things so differently. You would need loads of different waiting rooms then...

We are all responsible for our own well being...not others

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : lilfatty wrote: I for one wouldnt...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:57:41 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 3:57pm

lilfatty wrote:

I for one wouldnt waste my money on a babysitter just to keep you happy .. and I dont see why I should.

Wow that's a bit harsh.
I've never been in your situation MB so I can't fully understand, but I can sympathise with you and accept your POV. Good luck for your next round of IUI and I hope the clinic take your view into consideration.

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : This is an interesting topic.... I...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:55:55 +0000

Author: Flipsta
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 3:55pm

This is an interesting topic....

I love seeing babies and kids at the fertility clinic. It gives me hope and I don't for a second think that other parents are being insensitive or that the clinic is being insensitive.

But that is just me and we are all different with how we cope and deal with this difficult journey.

I think it is important that each person finds their way of how they can deal and cope with these things and if it means speaking to someone at the clinic about how they find it hard seeing kids at the clinic then so be it......it is about managing those situations to work out a solution that works for you because I think it is a little unfair to say other parents are being insensitive by bringing their kids to the clinic.

Edited by Flipsta

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Oh no!! One of those people was...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:53:02 +0000

Author: ScaredyCat
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 3:53pm

Oh no!! One of those people was me!!

I have been visiting FA in Hamilton for IVF and a couple of TER's and my partner wasn't able to come with me on one occasion so my friend came along with her 3 month old baby to be my support person.

To be truly honest I never even gave it a thought that it might have upset other people there to see such a cute wee gorgeous poppet and I am very sorry if it did upset anyone.

I have been in the waiting rooms on other occasions too with my DP and there has been toddlers and the like running around and it doesn't seem to bother me, I kind of see it as that is what we are there for, to get one of those! I guess all of us see things differently though.

I will def re-think taking my friend and her baby with me if that was to ever happen again, once again my apologies!

Wishing you all the very best for your next round of IUI, fingers tightly crossed for a sticky one this time!

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : Umm... consideration for those...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:50:40 +0000

Author: Shezzey
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 3:50pm

Umm... consideration for those in a worse off position?

*off to delete a blog I have enjoyed following*

Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children : I havent read all the replies...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:35:16 +0000

Author: lilfatty
Subject: 29666
Posted: 02�November�2009 at 3:35pm

I havent read all the replies .. but here is my 2c worth ..

Lots of FA clients go back to the clinic so that the doctors and nurses can see what they created and rightly so. Are you planning on sending a letter with a photo because obviously you wont be taking your future children to a fertility clinic?

I for one wouldnt waste my money on a babysitter just to keep you happy .. and I dont see why I should.

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