https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 07 May 2026 04:57:07 +0000 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:38:58 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 11.10 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=28668 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=820720&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#820720 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 30 October 2009 at 1:38pm

We didn't talk about the topic thank christ. It looks like she is likely to recommend arrangement that I suggested to DP. He would get a four night block over the weekend one week and then the usual night the other.

DP would be reasonably happy with that and I'm crossing everything that the mother will be too and that an agreement can be made at mediation so that everyone can move one.

I don't doubt we'll be back in family court again at some point in the future which will suck immensely. ]]> Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:38:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=820720&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#820720 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=820111&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#820111 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 29 October 2009 at 4:46pm

Hey Stef! I will be thinking of you tonight with your phone call... I hope it goes better than you dare expect, and that the psych person has managed to gain some insight into how unhelpful some of their comments have been! All the best!]]> Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:46:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=820111&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#820111 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=818612&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#818612 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 28 October 2009 at 11:58am

Urgh I have a phone call with the child psych tomorrow night.

DP and I talked last night and I strongly suggested to him the best way to go might be a half-way point between what he wants (7 nights) and what the child psych suggests (4 nights + 3 visits) into a 4 night block with 1 mid-week overnight stay on the week we don't see her. It would likely be platable to the child's mother as it still wouldn't offically be 'shared care' so she'd keep her child support in the interim but it would be a good base for a future week on/week off arrangement when the kiddo gets a bit older (Not that I ever want to go through this family court business again)

The reality is that he won't get shared care as long as the maternal grandmother is still living with the child as that means there would be no need for her to be in after-school care. Also given DP's getting the hard word at his work for not putting in enough hours, I'm not sure how he'd manage if I wasn't there keeping things together. DP has no family in Auckland so me and my extended family are really his only source of support. I can see outsiders thinking 'well they've only been together 2 years and they are only in a defacto relationship. What happens if they break up?' We are probably going to have to in someway formalize our relationship in someway before he'd have a chance at shared care if this went to trial.

Hopefully this problem will be resolved at their next mediation in a few weeks because it's dragged on for well over 2 years and everyone, especially the child, needs some closure in order to move on. Otherwise we'll be waiting around for a trial in another 3-4 months which would be expensive and horrible.

It sucks that DP has to jump through so many hoops and basically be the 'model parent' in order to get shared care while all the mother with all her flaws just needs to oppose. I can see why a lot of guys just walk away in situations like that.

Anyway enough ranting about family court.

My friend had her son last night and the pictures are alerady up on facebook. Even in a drabby hospital gown she looked so beautiful and happy I was so happy for but in an excruciatingly painful way.

]]> Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:58:59 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=818612&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#818612 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=816505&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#816505 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 October 2009 at 4:19pm

Yeah I'm prone to let sleeping dogs lie. I don't see how my miscarriage impacts on (as the child was never told I was pregnant) the well-being of the child so it really shouldn't be part of the discussion.

If she brings up the topic of us having future children, I will say that ultimately it is mine and my partner's decision if and when we have kids and the only concern is how we plan to help the child adjust to her role as an older sibling.]]> Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:19:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=816505&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#816505 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=816480&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#816480 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 October 2009 at 3:12pm

Not sure if you want to pursue it further, 'cause you don't want it to get in the way of negotiating the best deal for the little girl and yourselves.........but I'd be pointing out just how insensitive and cruel it is to tell someone who has had a miscarriage that was "probably for the best" or whatever offensive thing she said. I was horrified at that and personally would put in a formal complaint. But for the sake of diplomacy (and less stress) it might be better to just let it go.

Can you suggest some supervised sessions at your place? Seems like a backward step but you'd think that anyone with any brains will see that the relationship you and your partner have with his daughter is a good thing.

I can't understand how people can do this to their kids. Thinking of you - good luck and patience for next week. ]]> Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:12:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=816480&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#816480 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=816406&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#816406 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 October 2009 at 12:50pm

I'm supposed to be having a meeting with the psych this week so it will be interesting to see how things go esp. as there's been some very weird things put in the kiddo's head.]]> Sun, 25 Oct 2009 12:50:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=816406&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#816406 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=815734&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#815734 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 28668
Posted: 23 October 2009 at 9:22pm

Wow, thats shocking... I would have been having a few quite words with her (or loud ones) and talking to her boss like Jo said.... I cant believe any one would say that never mind a psyc! Something def needs to be done about her.
Sending you big hugs, I just cant believe it! What a t**ser!!]]> Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:22:12 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=815734&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#815734 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=815117&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#815117 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 23 October 2009 at 9:45am

I don't suppose you can ask for a second opinion? I know the system doesn't tend to work that way. Just concentrate on taking care of yourself so that you're in a good state for whatever you have to face, be that more court battles or supporting your partner or helping your step daughter adjust to change. Ugh, really sorry to read this has been added to your plate.

I also think you should should consider how best to convey to the psych and his/her superiors that comments like that are completely inappropriate and harmful. Sometimes you wonder what people learn in their training if they still go stuffing up like that. I guess they get kind of one track minded about the kid they are assessing and forget about the well being of everyone else?!]]> Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:45:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=815117&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#815117 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814953&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814953 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 22 October 2009 at 10:04pm

Oh she also said 'it was probably for the best' about the miscarriage. WTF?

It's so crazy that she thinks it's a good idea for DP to go around and play happy families. Especially as when DP goes around there the ex screams and yells at him all the time.

Not to mention I'd be losing a whole bunch of time with the kiddo as would my parents as we make an effort to take around when we have contact on weekends. Well it becomes a lot hard to squeeze that stuff if we only get weekend contact.
]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 22:04:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814953&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814953 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814899&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814899 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 22 October 2009 at 9:31pm

There is NO WAY a psychologist (or anyone!) should be telling you not to have kids!! I hope you can just shrug that off as someone sharing their clueless ideas...

And I wouldn't have thought it was that appropriate to be recommending your partner spends time with his ex. It's unsettling for a little kid to have parents split up but it's one of those things that just is, and has to be dealt with as it stands. No point him having to go play happy families three times a week.

Weird.

And frustrating and horrible.

Stink.

]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:31:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814899&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814899 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814784&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814784 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 22 October 2009 at 8:25pm

Oh god I just got a giant kick in the guts.

The child psych is looking like she is going to recommend that DP's overnight visits get cut backto every other weekend and that he should go around to the mother's house 3 nights a fortnight to have dinner with the child. She also said we shouldn't be having any children because it would be too unsettling to for the child.

WTF?]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:25:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814784&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814784 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814164&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814164 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 22 October 2009 at 11:56am

Jo,
That's been my impetus for looking at change, I don't want to still be sitting at my job being bored out of my brains come March 1. I would like to plan something 'fun' to do during that time but DP may very well be in family court over contact issues. Which will undoutbtedly add to the stress in our household financial and otherwise.

But the good news is that it's just a few weeks until he gets his settlement for his house and relationship property.

I go nuts thinking about how much DP and his ex have spent on their divorce. We are talking nearly six figures here. Their child could have been put through university and a couple of years of private school for that cost. What a waste of money.]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:56:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814164&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814164 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814130&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814130 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 22 October 2009 at 11:17am

Yeah, I've been busy planning distractions for March so I can't think too hard about my due date. That's my logic anyway!

Maybe you will be busy studying for your new qualification?! Even though that won't save you from sadness you will be learning lots and have lots to look forward to. (So long as you're not too swamped with assignments...)]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:17:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814130&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814130 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814047&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814047 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 22 October 2009 at 10:10am

2 months today since I started bleeding. Why do I remember stuff like that?

I'm going to be a blubbering mess come my due date (undoubtedly magnified by the fact that DP's best mate's baby is due on the same day)]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:10:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=814047&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#814047 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=813021&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#813021 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 21 October 2009 at 11:16am

Jo it could happen again quite quickly, or it could not. It such a crap shot. Also I think it is normal to question yourself after a major life-set back. Only you can know the answers to these questions.

I know I'd be an awesome mum, just on the basis of what I've managed to acheive with DP's daughter. But there are days when I still question myself 'why am I doing this?' Then my parents ring up wanting to know when they can come visit on Christmas day because the kiddo is now 'part of our whanu.' Awwwh

ETA good god I'm super-duper tired today. I feel asleep watching TV then DP woke me after he finished his work near midnight to put me to bed (Just as well as I wear contacts and boy are they a PITA to get out if you sleep in them!)

Edited by lemongirl]]> Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:16:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=813021&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#813021 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=812592&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#812592 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 20 October 2009 at 7:51pm

MB: so true about sunshine! I've also been babysitting my nephew who is like distilled sunshine for me. He's 15 months old and PERFECT. I know it can be hard to be around babies after miscarriage, and I am probably less inclined to want to hang out with random kids, but I adore my nephew with everything I've got in me! But sorry to read you're still spotting MB.

I also agree about creating happiness. Once of my biggest realisations is that life goes on until you die and your only real choice is what you make of it. Such a cliche but so revolutionary when you really come to terms with it!

That said, my biggest struggle at the moment is feeling defeated by baby stuff. We're "trying again", but after 8 months to conceive and then a miscarriage I am left wondering how anyone ever gets a healthy baby!! I'm awed by how chancy it all its. And I say that knowing there are others who don't have partners who are in the same place as them baby-wise, and who have had a more difficult lead up to pregnancy, so I'm aware I've still got it lucky. I don't have super regular periods and am never quite sure about ovulation. And my pregnancy was dated differently from the scan to my calculations, which the sonographer said meant I ovulated later that I thought. Which makes me wonder how I got pregnant at all... My husband is away now which I'm pretty sure would be the possible conception time, so that's a write off! And I sort of don't want to get pregnant quickly because I don't want my baby to be "replaced" but I sort of do want to because we were ready to start a family but the wait makes me more anxious about whether it really is a good idea, whether I've got what it takes to look after a baby 24/7 and stay patient and sane. And when I think of how awful a miscarriage is, and all the things that can go wrong beyond 12 weeks... well, I just feel defeated and overwhelmed!!

Wow, this has become a long stream of consciousness post! Mostly I just wanted to agree with MB that it's good to have this forum for a bit of support! Thanks everyone!

Edited by jo1979]]> Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:51:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=812592&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#812592 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=812020&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#812020 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 28668
Posted: 20 October 2009 at 12:04pm

lemongirl wrote: I think something to remember is that happiness isn't something you find, it's something you create.

So true, and I am so totally with you on the not waiting around, otherwise one day you will wake up and be old and wrinkly and wonder where your life went...]]> Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:04:21 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=812020&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#812020 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=811944&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#811944 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 20 October 2009 at 10:58am

Grrr no going away this weekend . DP's co-worker is away at the moment and so it looks like he'll be working through. I'll be making christmas cakes instead.

Oh an Education is brilliant.

Though I saw way too much of myself in the main character, a geeky cello player (high school me) who has a relationship with a worldly older man. Though to my credit I was 25 during that chapter of my life and since it took place when I was living in Asia and the older guy wasn't such an obvious munter so perhaps more like Lost in Translation (and to be honest who wouldn't want themselves portrayed by Scarlett Johansson).

Anyway watching this film reminded that I can't spend my days sitting in an office watching time go by. This ain't working for me, I'm bored and restless. Need to find something else to do.

MB I'm sorry to hear that you are still spotting. I think something to remember is that happiness isn't something you find, it's something you create. ]]> Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:58:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=811944&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#811944 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=811450&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#811450 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 7:44pm

Hiya,
Just wanted to say thanks so much for this discussion x. I'm with you Stef and Jo - up and down like a yoyo - even tho I know this is all normal it's reasurring to hear your stories. I guess with the 3 of us all finding out about our bubs within days it's nice to keep in contact with you. For me it's also the relationship breakup which adds another layer, combined with still kind of spotting (day on, day off - so sick of it - it's been 8 weeks! grrr).

Mum heard a book being reviewed on the radio the other day "Small Miracles" - thought I would try to find it and see if it hits any bells. Will let you know...

Hope you all have had some sunshine today, wherever you are - that def inproves the mood!!
MB

]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:44:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=811450&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#811450 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=811258&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#811258 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 5:54pm

jo1979. Yeah grieving and being upset is NORMAL. But my warning signs of it not being normal (I know them now); avoiding all social situations, losing my sense of humour (scary), dreadful sleep, completely lost enthusiasm for all normal activities and not feeling like I would ever feel positive or normal again.
Stef - keep an eye on yourself okay. You have a LOT going on with your partner's ex-relationship and child plus all of this. Someone above said that it can creep up on you and I completely agree. My problems started very intermittently then I noticed the good days were getting few and far between. Make use of this forum, do some good routine exercise, take counseling (lots of stigma but very effective if you find the right person) - just find something positive to keep you moving forward. I'm scared of the darkness that became my life - please don't let yourself get there.]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:54:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=811258&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#811258 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810935&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810935 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 1:38pm

Sending you big hugs Lemongirl

ooohhh An Education looks good! I want to see it too...]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:38:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810935&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810935 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810909&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810909 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 1:19pm

I am still talking with DP about Labour Day. We are off to see an Education tonight which will be good I think (if only for the male eye candy for me).

It's weird, I can be ok for a few days or even a week at a time. And then all of a sudden I'm right back to square one. No sleeping, lots of teary episodes and just feeling completly empty and overwhelmed by life.

Argh. Stupid hormones.

Edited by lemongirl]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:19:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810909&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810909 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810874&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810874 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 12:56pm

Stef, hope the day starts flying soon! Any cool plans for labour weekend? Do something nice if you can!!

Thanks to the rest of you for taking the time to write your experiences. Certainly can be a rough road huh? I've experienced depression before so am watching myself like a hawk. So far I think all my reactions are normal pain and sadness and not going into depression zone. It'll be a long time before I relax though, I guess that is mark of depression.]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:56:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810874&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810874 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810831&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810831 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 12:17pm

sasha- i was actually fine after he was born.. but since then i think things have gone a little downhill and i havent admitted it really.. i think it's the lack of sleep and then getting preg and losing bub and then getting preg again.

*hugs * lemongirl. ]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:17:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810831&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810831 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810686&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810686 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 10:22am

I don't think there's reason to test. Breasts are back to normal size again. Though I've got a bit of extra weight around due to lack of exercise. I was too tired to exercise when I was pregnant and now I just don't feel like it.

Having one of those days which seems never-ending. Want to go home, but it is only 10.20.

Crap. ]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 10:22:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810686&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810686 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810575&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810575 Author: mummyofprinces
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 8:49am

I still pine for my lost one and then feel guilty about as I wouldnt have my gorgeous boy if she had lived.

My mc definately made me depressed which stayed with me right through my pg and after.. I too have PND.

I got pg the 2nd cycle after my mc BUT i had ALL the same preggy symptoms post ovulation. I was convinced I was pg but AF arrived... the next month was our lucky one.

FX you get the outcome you want hun.]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:49:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810575&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810575 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810555&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810555 Author: Babe
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 8:36am

I had PTSD after a really nasty breakup when Jake was a newborn and I knew had mild PND then but it seemed to improve then me and the new DP had our first mc at the end of '07 and things just slowly started feeling harder. By mc #7(ish) this year it was enough to completely tip me over the edge and I had a mental breakdown. I'd already started self-harming middle of last year and having huge violent meltdowns thanks to the emotional and hormonal imbalance in my body.
I began taking EPO, Fish Oil, B6 and ended up on ADs finally - TG for my brilliant new doctor coz everyelse said I had a mental disorder and needed hospitalisation!! I'd been told before I had Jake I was unable to have kids then I was told afterwards I would have huge trouble getting to fullterm so it was devastating for me having the mcs and thinking that was the end of my baby-making career.
Getting pregnant - for however long you're in that state - releases a wave of hormones into your system. The loss of the baby releases another lot of chemicals and of course there is the emotional heartache, blame, guilt, etc. Makes for a very potent mix especially, but not only, if you're prone to depression, really wanted the baby, or have other stressful situations going on in your life.
Anyway just thought I'd share so that y'all knew it was possible and to watch out for it. If you think you might be getting depressed then go get help coz its insiduous and it sneakily takes over your life and slowly erodes everything.
]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:36:35 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810555&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810555 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810538&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810538 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 19 October 2009 at 8:15am

Hey Stef: it's Monday! :)]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:15:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810538&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810538 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810184&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810184 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 28668
Posted: 18 October 2009 at 5:38pm

Oh man - that sense of failure for me was all consuming and grew as time went on - on top of the sense of loss. But the due dates of my 2 little lost ones are etched in my mind, no matter what happens from now on. I was really interested at the suggestion that PND can occur after miscarriage. I've never been depressed prior to the miscarriages but I wonder if that was what set me off. Scary as well - I'll be warning my midwife and everyone around me to keep an eye on me after baby is born.]]> Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:38:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=810184&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#810184 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809951&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809951 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 18 October 2009 at 1:04pm

jo- yeah for some people it doesnt seem to and for ages i felt like a failure because of that as well as everything else..but i guess i learnt that it affects everyone differently and for me it's affected both my life since and my thoughts when i am pregnant following each mc.. ]]> Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:04:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809951&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809951 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809702&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809702 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 11:03pm

Thanks for those posts - it's good to read (you know what I mean). Certainly a miscarriage wreaks emotional and physical/hormonal havoc.]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 23:03:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809702&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809702 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809416&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809416 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 4:06pm

good point babe i never thought about that..i wonder if i had it..and its just gone up and down and its come back? i never thought that it could be caused by my mc's...makes sense though! ]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:06:59 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809416&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809416 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809374&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809374 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 3:16pm

Oh and hehehehehe about the maternity bras!! (Sorry I prob shouldnt be laughing, but I hope you are too?)]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:16:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809374&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809374 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809373&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809373 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 3:15pm

Jo I still pine for my baby too, and Im lucky enough to be PG again.. Its so hard to think that I would be about to finish work in a couple of months and I would be massive by now and all that. Its amazing at how fast the time has gone past! You keep putting one foot infront of the other and before you know it a week or a month or a year has past...
And the PND is a good point Babe, its true that you can suffer from it after MC... Dont be afraid to ask for help. Its funny I thought I was fine, and then about a month or so after I was a complete and utter mess... Took me a good few weeks to sort my self out, but got there in the end! (I hope! haha) ]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:15:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809373&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809373 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809309&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809309 Author: Babe
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 1:25pm

If you're struggling with losing the baby (or even if you aren't) keep in mind you can still get PND. I got it awfully bad and thought I was losing my mind as well as my babies as we had one mc after another even though I thought I was fine with the whole process.

Lemongirl wow poss preg?!! I'm sure it'll go smoothly this time if you get that BFP and I hope DP is supportive (missed the last few pages - can still be hard to read about baby loss).

Jo rants are healthy!]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:25:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809309&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809309 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809295&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809295 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 1:06pm

I'm looking forward to hearing the result :) What does your partner think? I hope he is able to be supportive of you and your feelings either way.

I got a "coping with miscarriage" book out of the library the other day. Read it for about 20 mins and ended up sobbing. So I took it back. It was good to read other people putting some of my feelings into words but scratch the surface and the pain is so flipping raw!

I WANT MY BABY BACK!!! DAMMIT!!!

Ok, mini rant over. Back to calm acceptance that life isn't how you want it to be :)]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:06:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809295&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809295 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809199&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809199 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 17 October 2009 at 10:16am

Emmi, my cycle is 27 days. I have no idea about cycle days as I have never actively tried to get pregnant. Just know somewhere around the middle is eggy time.

But I've just had a miscarriage so imagine my hormones are all over the place.

I'll defintely be testing next week as I'm back in maternity bras as my breasts are too big and tender for anything else.
]]> Sat, 17 Oct 2009 10:16:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=809199&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#809199 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808746&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808746 Author: Emmi_
Subject: 28668
Posted: 16 October 2009 at 7:35pm

Lemongirl, If you do have a 28 day cycle, you BDed on CD15(ish) I would be doing a test cos it is possible AF wont show.. Although if you manage to catch the egg, it would be too early to test now hehehe Just to make you worry some more!!

ETA also I have never bled going onto the pill, and Ihave stopped and started it a few times over the years..

Edited by Emmi_]]> Fri, 16 Oct 2009 19:35:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808746&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808746 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808341&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808341 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 16 October 2009 at 12:53pm

lemongirl every man hates condoms but sometimes it's necessary..(or he can stop getting angry about getting preg again!!) ]]> Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:53:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808341&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808341 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808222&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808222 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 16 October 2009 at 10:57am

No I'm going to test on Monday as it could also just be side-effects of going back on the pill.

Last night's drama entailed in getting the child to eat ice-cream. Ice-cream, which is basically sugar and fat. In this case homemade so much better than store bought crap! But I might as well have been force-feeding her broccoli, which she now happily eats after months of tears and tantrums (mostly from me).

Right I should go do some work, I have lots to do.]]> Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:57:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808222&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808222 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808217&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808217 Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 28668
Posted: 16 October 2009 at 10:53am

Have you tested?

I know its maybe not what you want right now, but I'd be so excited for you if you were pregnant ]]> Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:53:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808217&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808217 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808214&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808214 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 16 October 2009 at 10:49am

I did read in one of the other posts that post miscarriage is a very fertile time... It would be exciting (to me anyway!) if you were pregnant again, even though I realise it's not part of the straight-foward plan.

Stay calm, do a sodoku or whatever you find relaxing, and keep waiting it out. No other option really! Oh and make sure no one buys too much tinned fruit to fit in the pantry!!]]> Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:49:55 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808214&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808214 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808179&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808179 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 16 October 2009 at 10:20am

Urgh breasts still feel frickin huge and tingly and I'm really nauseous. Oh and DP plus kiddo are both driving me insane at the moment (mostly over her eating habits).]]> Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:20:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=808179&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#808179 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804853&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804853 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:53pm

Jo you are right, I've just gotta wait things out.

No point whipping myself up until a nervous wreck for the next week or so as either way I can't change the results just gotta deal with them when I find out.

*phew* freak out over.

]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:53:51 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804853&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804853 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804836&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804836 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:41pm

PS gross dr!]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:41:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804836&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804836 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804835&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804835 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:39pm

Just reread my post. Hope it doesn't sound glib. It's not meant to! I just know how much emotional stuff is going on in so many directions for me, and that there is really no easy round it or out of it.]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:39:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804835&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804835 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804833&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804833 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:37pm

Rollercoaster is right!

My only remotely useful comment is: what's done is done, what happens will happen. Unfortunately, the only choice is how we deal with it. (and even that can get a bit out of control but hopefully not...)

I don't meant to sound fatalistic but that's a big lesson I've learned over the last 8 months of trying to get pregnant and then having the miscarriage. And I think that was kind of what you said to me after the miscarriage which I sort of didn't understand at the time but increasinly understood over the following weeks. So "relax" as much as possible (ice some cakes!) and see what happens in two weeks time.
]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:37:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804833&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804833 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804812&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804812 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:22pm

DP really hates using condoms.

The doctor mentioned something about the progesterone levels dropping off giving my uterus it's cue to shed its lining. But he totally freaked me out with all this touching over my thighs... *icky* I'm so glad he didn't do an internal exam even though he did the external one... *shudder*

I was thinking that my mind is willing to have these early p/g symptoms since obviously the topic has been on my brain these last few months!

Edited by lemongirl]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:22:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804812&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804812 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804785&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804785 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:08pm

hang on..DP will be pissed? he was the one who didnt want to use condoms so it's his fault!! ewww to creepy guy... !

how can you have a withdrawal bleed without being on pill...weird doctor man.. but they sound like early preg symptoms to me!! ]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:08:06 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804785&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804785 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804779&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804779 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 2:57pm

Oh crap.

I just went to the doctor for some sleeping pills (yeah I really can't stay out of there) and figured I'd pick up some birth control at the same time as I'm on my last pill packet.

Instead of my regular one I had a creepy guy who kept putting his hands on my legs (eww) all the time.

Anyway he thinks I might have just been a 'withdrawl bleed' (the same you get on the pill) and didn't get my 'real' period so should keep using barrier methods until I get my 'real' period before I start the pill.

Now this where things get fun.

DP and I made a decision that I would go back on the pill which I did last thursday 10/8. We did do the deed that day and at DP's request we didn't use condoms (yeah, yeah I know).

I had my 'period' on September 25th so wouldn't be due until the 22nd of this month assuming that my 28 day cycle has restarted as normal.

I did a home pregnancy test which came out negative but to be honest I've been feeling a bit queasy, got tingling breasts and have that metallitc taste in my mouth. Hopefully that's just my mind playing tricks on me rather than any early preggy symptoms right?

DP will be more than pissed if I end up PG again and I'm just not ready to get on that rollercoaster. Crap, talk about a bad two week wait.]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:57:46 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804779&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804779 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804668&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804668 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 1:42pm

Jo,
You should try the class. I've done all 3 but even just the first class will teach you how to do a whole bunch of stuff including multiple colours, drop flowers, writing, borders etc. Only 2 hours over 4 weeks or one weekend. The best thing to do with the Mount Roskill place (and yes it is a house) is phone beforehand and then they'll be waiting for you. The lady who runs it is super-nice (and due in December).

I figure that I might as well apply and then mull it over during the Christmas break. I really do loathe what I'm currently doing and it is poorly paid as well. I'd rather spend time doing what I'd enjoy. I'm a bit worried about doing something so involved in pregnancy given it will be a few years before I'll be pregnant again. But on the otherhand personal development appeals to me and it would be a lot easier doing the course without any childcare responsiblities. ]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:42:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804668&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804668 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804595&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804595 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 12:36pm

Not that I want to laugh at your sorrows but the tinned fruit story has put a big grin on my face. He might have to stash his fruit next to his side of the bed and trip over it each morning - that will make him think twice about repeat performances on date nights!!!

I bought my first ever icing piping bag about two months ago - I'm loving it. (Have yet to gain any control over where the icing goes though and certainly not up to multiple colours!). I have seen that Mt Roskill place on trade me I think - but it's a house eh? - I went there but was too shy to knock on the door in case they only did mail orders and I was barging in on them...

That's great you're applying for the course!

]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:36:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804595&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804595 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804509&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804509 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 13 October 2009 at 11:34am

Sasha, I'm in the business of applying. Just waiting for my records from Auckland uni to show up (I already have a four year degree which took me 5 as I did the last 2 years part-time ). I figure it's better to have a place for next year and say no rather than not apply and have to wait another 18 months.

Jo you should totally do one of the Wilton courses at Milly's Kitchen in Parnell. I think the level 1 course is finished for the year but I'm doing their christmas cookie course in late November. But be warned that you will get addicted to buying cake decroating stuff. Lucky for us there's a home business in Mount Roskill that has cheap stuff just a shame we have no space in our kitchen!

Speaking of which DP got a weird bee in his bonnet about tinned fruit last night. At what I thought would be a brief trip to the supermarket for tomorrow's dinner he decided that he had to buy at least 30 cans of fruit/veggies etc. right then as there as they were on special. Then he got home and moaned about the state of the pantry because he couldn't fit his purchases in. This all went down at 10 at night then he got all snotty because I went to bed in a grump. Hello! Cleaning out the pantry isn't the ending I had in mind for our date night when there was some home-made caramel ice-cream in the freezer I had made the previous night. MEN! ]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:34:19 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=804509&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#804509 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803871&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803871 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 28668
Posted: 12 October 2009 at 7:08pm

lemongirl wrote: The odd thing on the area of studying is that I want to do midwifery (that was literally my first thought when I came to after the D&C). I'm pretty sure I'd get in and I'd enjoy it more than what I'm doing right now (boring and poorly paid admin work) but I'm just not sure I want to be a poor student for 3 years.

DO IT! At the ripe old age of 29 I decided to go back to uni and do Physiotherapy. 4 years lost income and paying uni fees but I so don't regret it for a second. I love being a Physio and can imagine doing it for the rest of my working life. We live looooooong lives now days and we spend so much time at work surely it's worth the 3 years of being a student again to find a really rewarding career.]]> Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:08:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803871&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803871 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803536&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803536 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 12 October 2009 at 2:28pm

DO IT!!! Three years is nothing in the grand scheme of things :)

And a great midwife (which is what I'm sure you'd be) is an awesome thing. (Also nurses - I was very inspired by the nurses I met on d&c day.)

I love baking and icing things. One thing I was looking forward to about my baby was getting to do a first birthday party and cake! (My nephew turned one a few months ago and I was quite involved which was cool. Unfortunately I felt really yuck with morning sickness that day so didn't get maximum enjoyment from it.)]]> Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:28:56 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803536&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803536 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803205&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803205 Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 28668
Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:18am

Thats an awesome cake!!

I so loved the link you posted - for the joy of it - what a comforting thought!]]> Mon, 12 Oct 2009 10:18:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803205&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803205 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803200&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803200 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:15am

Yup I did the icing on the cake. Also around the edges are little shark fins... our kitchen looked like a bomb went off it it as I also made a ninja one as well. Yup I'm a cake decorating nerd, I'm desperate to find someone who will let me do their wedding cake just so that I can say I've made one.

The odd thing on the area of studying is that I want to do midwifery (that was literally my first thought when I came to after the D&C). I'm pretty sure I'd get in and I'd enjoy it more than what I'm doing right now (boring and poorly paid admin work) but I'm just not sure I want to be a poor student for 3 years. ]]> Mon, 12 Oct 2009 10:15:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=803200&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#803200 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802903&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802903 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 11 October 2009 at 7:41pm

Awesome cake! Did you pipe that icing on? Glad you had some sensitive friends at the shower to balance out the not so sensitive ones :)

Uni could be great. What area of study?]]> Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:41:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802903&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802903 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802798&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802798 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 11 October 2009 at 5:36pm

Baby shower was fun.

My cake turned out quite well I think.



While I was getting it ready my friend (not the pregnant one) when I told her about my miscarriage blurted out 'Oh well it's really, really common all these women I know have had a miscarriages' then 2 minutes later was listing all these women she knew that were pregnant how wonderful it is that everyone is pregnant. Fortunately another one of my friends saw the look on my face and told her to quit it. But dear god do some people not engage their head before their mouths.

Still not sure when we are trying again. I'm thinking about going back to varsity next year. I feel like I need some change in my life.]]> Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:36:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802798&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802798 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802623&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802623 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 11 October 2009 at 1:44pm

as far as coming back to you i found it comforting once E was born and will do once Liam is here but i didnt at the time..lol but i wasnt very receptive to such nice thoughts..i should have been!:) ]]> Sun, 11 Oct 2009 13:44:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802623&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802623 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802601&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802601 Author: lillibit
Subject: 28668
Posted: 11 October 2009 at 1:19pm

Re: for the joy of it. A work collegue told me a similar thing that the baby will come back to us at some point maybe not straight away but their spirit will re join us in one of our future pregnancies- it's a nice comforting idea.

I hope things are getting better for you Lemongirl I really feel for you and all you have had to endure ]]> Sun, 11 Oct 2009 13:19:05 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=802601&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#802601 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=801959&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#801959 Author: NZ-rules
Subject: 28668
Posted: 10 October 2009 at 2:32pm

Oh my goodness lemongirl - I read that link you posted and am sitting here bawling my eyes out. I'm not the slightest bit religious but I love the idea of a spirit baby - hope it's true ]]> Sat, 10 Oct 2009 14:32:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=801959&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#801959 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=800731&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#800731 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 09 October 2009 at 10:37am

On a rational level I totally get where he is coming from. I'm 29, we haven't been together too long and he's still got outstanding legal financial issues from his marriage to sort out. Also his experience with fatherhood hasn't been that great. His ex and him who seperately may have been ok parents with the right partner aren't a good combo and he's been burned by that experience.

But in my corner, I'm 29 and well perhaps I'm devestated because I'm ready and well I want to have a baby for the joy of it.]]> Fri, 09 Oct 2009 10:37:05 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=800731&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#800731 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=800330&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#800330 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 08 October 2009 at 7:45pm

Hey Stef, I've been thinking about this all day. Like Sasha says you've had two massive mindset shifts instead of one. I'm not surprised you feel like you haven't had a good day since August!!!

I think if you feel like you're ready for a baby that's pretty significant. So while arguing about it non stop would be horrible, I don't think you should have to set it all aside. Push that barrow a bit more, or whatever saying applies to not giving up...

Also, can you plan something nice for labour weekend? I know just what you mean about sleepless nights and feeling overwhelmed by everything. I can't think straight at the moment. I have felt better since deciding to go camping (or to my brothers if wet weather) - it is good to have something to look forward to I reckon. Trivial but true. Is your partner good at suggesting these kind of things? Mine's not so I have to be proactive!!]]> Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:45:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=800330&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#800330 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=800265&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#800265 Author: luvmylittlies
Subject: 28668
Posted: 08 October 2009 at 6:53pm

Huge hugs. You have pretty much said how I felt when we couldn't conceive again for 18 months. I know what you mean by switching on the mummy mode. I had always just thought that I'd only have kids if it all was perfect and wouldn't fuss if I didn't. Then when I got preggers those times that didn't work out then couldn't fall pregnant again for ages.......it was like I was lost. I'd made the decision, come to terms with it then couldn't imagine or plan my future anymore without somehow including a little one. I couldn't turn it off again. I can only imagine that that "coming to terms with it" was even more profound for you since it was unplanned and your mental shift had to be bigger.

I don't know. Is there ever really a "perfect" time? You guys were going to somehow make it work this time so whilst I can't make up your partners mind I can't help but think you'd make it work again if it happened again soon. I hope things work out for you. You've really had a crappy time of it.]]> Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:53:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=800265&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#800265 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=799811&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#799811 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 08 October 2009 at 12:51pm

I'm not feeling good right now. Lots of crying, not sleeping much and I feel completly overwhelmed by life.

DP and I had our 'where to from here?' talk last night. I really would like to try again in a few months he doesn't feel ready for a few more years. I suppose part of the problem is that mine was a totally unplanned pregnancy, so children weren't really on the horizon for another few years for us anyway. Nevertheless I feel like my mummy mode got switched on and I don't really want to switch it back off again and go back to life as it was which seems so hollow and empty by comparison.

I'm under no illusions that motherhood doesn't come with it's sucky side, I have a five year old stepdaughter with some significant behavioural difficulties that we've been in the process of taming in the last 12 months. The most frustrating thing is that her problems are largely the result of her parents setting absolutely few boundaries for her (and yes my partner is sometimes as guilty as his ex) and letting her behaviour get completly out of control. I hate that I consistently get stuck with all the sh*tty parts of parenthood (saying no, establishing good behaviour) while I don't get to do any of the fun stuff I see my friends enjoying.

Sorry for the rant. Just one of those 'bad days' god I need a good one. Felt like I haven't had one since August. ]]> Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:51:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=799811&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#799811 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797309&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797309 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 06 October 2009 at 10:52am

lol:) yeah i married into a family where my Dh is the youngest by a lot so the littilest nephew is 12:( so none there and my bro cant have kids:( so yeah i felt the same.. and then 4 months later got pregnant with Ethan..I hope it happens that way for you too..

yeah i guess i can only carry boys and only be pregnant at the height of summer:) I'm missed 3 and soon to be four Xmas hams now:)! ]]> Tue, 06 Oct 2009 10:52:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797309&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797309 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797074&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797074 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 05 October 2009 at 10:47pm

What a weird coincidence with your due dates! I can totally get that in your heart you're a mum of four xx. I think that is what has caused my meh-ness the last few days - convinced that this was my one shot and I'm destined to be a permanent aunt and great aunt and never a mum... (bit like the bridesmaid/bride saying... I have 17 nieces and nephews and 2 great nephews to date...)

(Oh and I'm sure that's a bubble Liam is blowing... my niece's little fellow was blowing serious bubbles in one of his scans - so cute)]]> Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:47:22 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797074&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797074 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797057&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797057 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 05 October 2009 at 10:24pm

mb- Liam (bub number two) that first one that looks like a bubble is his thumb..not sure bout the other one:)


yeah Ethan is awesome..every day i thank goodness for getting him but i also think about what could have been.. same with this bub as both bubs that mced due aug 24th adn both these guys were due feb 10th:) lol...

]]> Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:24:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797057&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797057 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797028&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797028 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 05 October 2009 at 9:53pm

yay for the stopped bleeding, Jo. So hanging out for that (has been 6 1/2 weeks so far I think). Hope the period is not too nasty - I am hoping I'll be able to think of it as my body regaining its rhythm. (ooo now I sound like my witchy acupuncture man haha)

Feeling ok tonight - still a bit "meh" but mostly not too mopey. Serioulsy FREEZING tho!! haha even had to break out the nana blanket...

Four Eyes, I love your caption for Ethan - he does look like a cheeky little toddler!! I'm sure he gives you hours of fun (and games ) And is your other little man blowing bubbles???

]]> Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:53:13 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=797028&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#797028 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=796954&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#796954 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 05 October 2009 at 8:55pm

Hey four eyes, thanks for your thoughts - it is helpful to hear about others' experiences. (The dentist was ok - never as traumatic as I remember from childhood, apart from the paying bit at the end!)]]> Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:55:08 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=796954&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#796954 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=796086&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#796086 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 05 October 2009 at 9:41am

i really was bitter for a long time i couldnt help it..but in the end i got over it for my pregnant workmate but man going back to work with under 2's straight away was stupid:(

i never really dealt with it i dont think?just shoved it down further mostly even though i thought i got past it cause E's pregnancy was so stressful cause i was so worried..

re the looking at bump photos etc..i got myself deleted off her for four months..i had to i would have gone mental otherwise.. i still look at both sets of children thinking my child would be this old or that old now.

hope the dentist goes ok...

if its any consolation my AF after both weren't very painful. ]]> Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:41:51 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=796086&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#796086 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=795961&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#795961 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 05 October 2009 at 8:12am

Oh. Sorry for stink days!! I wish there was something useful to say but there really isn't...

Bleeding is all under control ie over. I am guessing I'll get my period in about about a week (but who knows really). I tend towards nasty periods - painful cramps plus lots of grim symptoms in the lead up. Ok on the pill but miserable off. In the seven months of trying to get pregnant I'd have days where I'd wonder if I could cope much longer being off the pill. Ironic that I then got to have nausea for 5 weeks and then the horror of a miscarriage and now back to square one, waiting for a period and wondering how painful it will be. [insert self pitying sigh audicon here!]

Sometimes it's the extra stuff that makes the loss of the baby so hard. But other times it is just the pure loss that is hard.

Meanwhile today's job is the dentist. I got a really sore tooth around the time of miscarriage news, and really couldn't face the dentist on top of everything, but I have decided to stop procrastinating now and get it sorted!]]> Mon, 05 Oct 2009 08:12:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=795961&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#795961 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=795862&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#795862 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 04 October 2009 at 10:00pm

And MaryBeth is suitably impressed, Jo haha

Am having a mega stink day today Missing bub heaps but can't help looking at the bump gallery and reading all the posts. Talk about glutton for punishment!!

Stef and Jo - hope the bleeding is continuing to be over and done with for you. ]]> Sun, 04 Oct 2009 22:00:17 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=795862&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#795862 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794986&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794986 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 03 October 2009 at 6:12pm

Yes, it is well worth putting the effort into not being bitter and twisted (because the alternative, being bitter and twisted, is not appealing at all) but like you say, can be hard, and takes a LOT of energy and determination I find.

I just keep thinking it is good to be made aware of how many people we must interact with in life who have gone through this. Checkout operators, lawyers, real estate agents, acquaintances... Having only told close friends I am sure that lots of people I know have gone through this and not told me.

Not that I praise it for a blessed learning experience, but since it has happened I appreciate the insight

(Jo cleverly employs the use of an emoticon!!)]]> Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:12:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794986&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794986 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794831&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794831 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 03 October 2009 at 2:30pm

I'm trying really, really hard not to be one of those women who can't see past her own pregnancy loss and be happy for her friends hence why I'm doing my friend's cake (something to contribute to the event without having to focus on babies since the theme is pirates and ninjas!') . But by golly it's hard not to think about pregnancy loss when hearing about new babies and pregnancy.
]]> Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:30:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794831&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794831 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794516&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794516 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 03 October 2009 at 7:27am

PS I don't mean that your friends or Claire would be rough, obviously! Just your emotions!]]> Sat, 03 Oct 2009 07:27:48 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794516&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794516 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794515&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794515 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 03 October 2009 at 7:25am

My friend told me she was probably pregnant the other day. I am happy for her, I do see it as a separate issue to my baby being dead, but it still twists me up a fair bit. We have just bought a house, got possession on Wednesday, and in my head that was so connected to having a baby that the house just feels like a remnant of a pregnancy gone wrong! I'm sure I'll come to appreciate it in time :)

I guess I will eventually make my peace with the fact that dead babies don't warrant ongoing discussion the way live ones do. For now I am still adjusting!

I hope the shower and coffee meet up are not too rough.]]> Sat, 03 Oct 2009 07:25:33 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794515&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794515 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794189&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794189 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 02 October 2009 at 5:45pm

I fluctuate on the emotional side also - have friends and nieces with babies all over the show so can't avoid that - I do really struggle tho with the question "do you have any children?" I swear I'd get asked that most days (I guess being 39 I suppose it's natural!). Am meeting up with Claire (from our March forum) next week so that could be a tough one tho.... good luck with the shower next week x

Here's hoping you get a Dr holiday til next year at least.... ]]> Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:45:15 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794189&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794189 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794169&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794169 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 02 October 2009 at 5:19pm

Yeah I told my doctor on Thursday I hope I don't see her again for awhile. But knowing my luck I'll be in a few months as I'm somewhat of a frequent flyer with her (in the last year I've had several UTIs, a broken toe and some mystery virus that leveled me for a few weeks back in November last year)

The emtional stuff is hitting me hard at the moment. One of friends just put up the 12 week scan pic and I spent the night in tears. Got my friend's baby shower next week that I'm making the cake for, not sure if I'll just do that and dash. I'll see how I feel.]]> Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:19:36 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794169&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794169 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794008&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794008 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 02 October 2009 at 3:23pm

thanks, Lemongirl - Had scan yesterday and still 5mm of "product" apparently but am still bleeding so likely will all clear out, or else will come away with next period. Have to go back in ten days if still bleeding but otherwise all done with dumb hosp appts! Hopefully finally is all sorted for the 3 of us March ladies (or late Aug ladies...)
]]> Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:23:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=794008&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#794008 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=793936&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#793936 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 02 October 2009 at 2:20pm

oh thank goodness for you!!:) ]]> Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:20:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=793936&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#793936 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=793294&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#793294 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 01 October 2009 at 8:37pm

Marybeth how are things for you? Hope all has passed.]]> Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:37:50 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=793294&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#793294 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=793233&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#793233 Author: MB1970
Subject: 28668
Posted: 01 October 2009 at 8:01pm

Woo hoo!!!]]> Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:01:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=793233&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#793233 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=792813&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#792813 Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 28668
Posted: 01 October 2009 at 2:24pm

what a relief lemongirl!

Chocolate to celebrate is in order I think ]]> Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:24:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=792813&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#792813 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=792803&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#792803 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 01 October 2009 at 2:17pm

HcG was at 7 last thursday, but the doc seems happy with my progress. So drama has officially passed.

Yah!]]> Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:17:57 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=792803&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#792803 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=791252&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#791252 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 30 September 2009 at 10:53am

Doctor thinks that was likely my period last week but stupid lab tests have lost my HCG.... grrrr!]]> Wed, 30 Sep 2009 10:53:30 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=791252&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#791252 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=789718&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#789718 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 29 September 2009 at 9:45am

yeah i think so too..:( but i hope i am wrong and its normal period for you!!:) 12 week missed mc's like ours to tend to mean things take longer to get back to normal.. i think average 5-7 weeks?]]> Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:45:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=789718&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#789718 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=789700&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#789700 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 29 September 2009 at 9:35am

Four_eyes wrote: you need to have 20 no blood days after DandC for it to be counted as a period and generally you need to have hcg under 5 to get AF back.

That's what I thought.

But this feels exactly like my regular period. My face broke out, I had sore breasts, cramps, heavy bleeding for the first few days then it tapered off and now has just about finished. I'll def. ask my doctor about it when I see her tomorrow. Because with everything I've gone through it just seems way too soon to have my normal period.]]> Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:35:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=789700&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#789700 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=789186&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#789186 Author: ElfsMum
Subject: 28668
Posted: 28 September 2009 at 7:09pm

i viewed that as free yourself form attachment once they are gone but he means in general?

you need to have 20 no blood days after DandC for it to be counted as a period and generally you need to have hcg under 5 to get AF back.

jo- i wanted to feel detached but i wasnt when i got preg again.. i was terrified and didnt deal with my feelings so was a shocking pergnancy but no matter how hard i tried i couldnt have prevented attachment..

jo- fair enough ..it's ok to talk :)

i wanted to try again straight away esp the first time but i was forced to wait three months and emotionally it wasnt enough but i have my wonderful boy so it turned out ok but for me ...a bigger break would have been better...with the last one i didnt need as much grieving time poss as it wasnt the huge shock the first one was(found out at 12 week scan) ]]> Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:09:09 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=789186&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#789186 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=788993&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#788993 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 28 September 2009 at 4:04pm

There are lots of ways to look at it. I like what you say about attachment. I have always thought the Buddhist view (which I don't know all the details about so can't really critique!) is a bit stark in the way we are meant to get free from attachment. If I get pregnant again I have decided I'm not going to try and keep more "distant" from the baby (an idea I had to prevent feeling too hurt if I have another miscarriage) because in the end I'd rather respond lovingly to the new life and deal with the pain if it dies.

My husbands father believes that people are born into families because they wanted to learn something. I don't believe this and it would bother me if I did - because it would suggest the baby changed its mind about me and my husband I hate that idea!! I'm not sure about reincarnation. In some ways I'd feel comforted to think the being that was my baby will have another go at life somewhere sometime else, but I also think it was totally unique and I suspect all the potential it has only existed while it lived. But I don't know!!!! It just plays on my mind a bit.

I've had various advice from my gp, the nurse at the early pregnancy center, the surgeon, about when to "try again". People talk about being emotionally ready but how could I ever feel ready enough to go through this again?! I know that sounds pessimistic but let's face it, one in four pregnancies end this way so I can hardly tell myself it's not likely to happen again.

I know this thread was about still bleeding 2 weeks later a d and c, so I am WAY off topic, but there is so much going round my head and not many people to talk to about it...





]]> Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:04:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=788993&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#788993 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=787293&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#787293 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 26 September 2009 at 4:57pm

Jo, I always knew I had regular cycles, but I didn't realise my cycles were THAT regular. It does feel oddly reassuring that despite everything that's been going on ,my cycle was only one day late (I was expecting mine 6-8 weeks post D&C).

I'm an atheist so don't really 'get' the spritual side of things.

However over the past few weeks I have been doing something about a discussion with a monk in Cambodia a few days over the idea of attachment.

Bhuddists believe that we must free ourselves from attachment in order to free us from suffering (and also to ensure that souls that have passed on do not have a less fourtunate rebirth). Granted a lot of foul human behaviour are driven from emotions such as greed, jealously, revenge, envy stem from wanting something we don't have.

However I argued that our ability to form attachments is the very thing that makes us human and without which postive emtions such as empathy and compassion would not be able to form. So I view my sadness as being a postive natural consquence of this experience. The reason I feel sad is because I was attached to the being inside me and that's something I'm glad to have felt if only for a short while and I take comfort from it.]]> Sat, 26 Sep 2009 16:57:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=787293&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#787293 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=787275&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#787275 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 26 September 2009 at 4:32pm

Who knew a period could be such good news eh lemongirl?! (Keep us posted.)

I have been thinking about your post from the other day MB, about different reactions to the news of miscarriage, and also the 4 week wait that you've had and what you might be feeling now vs other people (for others I guess it feels all over and done with since you told them the news weeks ago). I've also been thinking about how miscarriage is so much better acknowledged nowadays, yet I still feel like the mindset is to keep it pretty quiet. And the way the convention is not to tell people you're pregnant til after the first 12 or so weeks - is that just part of the old mindset that if you lost a baby you just kept your failure quiet and soldiered on? I guess I'm just saying that along with the grief I have a lot going through my head. Also spiritual questions - what happens to the baby, it's being, etc etc?

Um, anyway, perhaps too intense for a (sort of) sunny Saturday afternoon :)]]> Sat, 26 Sep 2009 16:32:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=787275&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#787275 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=787207&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#787207 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 26 September 2009 at 2:17pm

I'm pretty sure it is my period, lots and lots of blood, breakouts and feeling a bit bloated. Oh well I'll ask the doc when I see her.]]> Sat, 26 Sep 2009 14:17:34 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=787207&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#787207 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786539&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786539 Author: jo1979
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 September 2009 at 4:50pm

Oh lemongirl, words fail and so does the hug icon. Lots of positive and caring thoughts in your direction, and really hoping it's your period despite not seeming like enough time!]]> Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:50:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786539&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786539 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786330&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786330 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 September 2009 at 1:49pm

I just figured with all the complications my period would likely show up 6-8 weeks after the event. My bloods showed an hgc of 13 a few weeks ago. I thought they had to get all the way to zero for you to be able to get your period.

Oh well I have a scheduled doc appointment next week and the number at national women's should anything go wrong.

Edited by lemongirl]]> Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:49:49 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786330&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786330 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786315&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786315 Author: Pook72
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 September 2009 at 1:40pm

I got mine 26 days after my dnc. ]]> Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:40:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786315&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786315 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786298&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786298 Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 September 2009 at 1:26pm

could be?

I hope it is!!]]> Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:26:42 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786298&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786298 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786288&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786288 Author: lemongirl
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 September 2009 at 1:21pm

I had wondered if it might be my period. It's been 29 days since my D&C but surely that's not enough time?]]> Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:21:32 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786288&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786288 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786277&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786277 Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 28668
Posted: 25 September 2009 at 1:13pm

Oh no!!! What are you going to do?]]> Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:13:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28668&PID=786277&title=dc-still-bleeding-2-weeks-later-x#786277