Hi 

It sounds to me like there are a few factors getting you down atm.  Although I have no experience with PND so can’t comment from that pov I don’t think it is PND.  It’s no less serious though and if it’s not dealt with it’s just a matter of time before the straw that breaks the camels back….. so to speak.

You’ve come off the meds because they were giving you headaches, have you gone cold turkey or thought about trying something else?  I know several people (me included) who use St Johns Wort which is a natural mood enhancer and stress reliever and sometimes prescribed in place of antidepressants.  It can be bought from chemist/health stores/supermarkets in pill form or as a tea.  It may help to ‘perk’ you up; I know it definitely helps me when I get a bad case of CBA. 

During winter most of us suffer from some form of depression, or winter blues.  I think it’s especially bad for those who leave in the dark and arrive home in the dark.  You’re already sorting this out by planning to move closer to town.  Although it’s not a quick or easy solution once you get the ball rolling on this you’ll have something to look forward to.

I know what you mean about considering breaking up, sometimes it seems like it might be the easier solution.  It’s not though and the fact you had nightmares about it last night really shows that it’s not what you want to do.  I think it’s a great idea to get marriage counselling so that you can talk through the things that are bothering you and let DH know where you stand atm and give him a chance to tell you how he feels.  I totally understand what you mean about feeling resentful over the sacrifices you have made, you may find out that your DH feels guilty that he’s not providing (I know I was surprised to learn, when we sat down and talked it through, that mine did).  The important thing is that you talk things through with each other so you both know how the other one feels.

It’s important too that you’re on the same page when it comes to your approach to parenting.  I understand too well how frustrating it must have been when he refused to even listen to you.  DH and I went through the same thing a couple of years ago when Michaela was just a baby.  His mother wanted to spit in Michaela’s hair to make it curly  which I think is disgusting as well as deluded.  DH was fully supporting his mum and whenever I broached the subject it turned into a full blown row, it got to a point where we couldn't talk to each other at all.  In the end I emailed him with my pov.  The email was detached (in the sense that I was purposely not emotive and basically set out the facts) I researched bacteria in saliva and provided that information along with the email.  From that point onwards MIL was told not to spit in DDs hair.  There is so much information as to why smacking doesn’t work and suggested alternatives, maybe you could write him an email or letter setting out your pov.  Dr. Christopher Green’s Toddler Taming Tips has a whole chapter on disciplining toddlers and that may help.  The important thing when it comes to discipline is to have an agreed approach before it’s required so that we don’t act in anger, which IMO is exactly what a response such as smacking is.

Btw well done for backing him in front of DD it's so important to keep a united front and I know that’s not easy when your other half does something you disagree with completely.

If you ever want to talk let me know and we’ll go for a drink (any excuse really) and we should make the most of the calm weather and go for a lunchtime walk or something (get those endorphins pumping), email me if you’re keen.

ETA:  The trip to Aussie should help too and that's not far off now.  Who could be depressed after spending a few days at Wiggle World